Habit

I have NC with our 36 year old AD. Mr. Habit still receives her phone calls. However, she doesn't call very often. And, he occasionally receives e-mails from her.

A couple of days ago, he received an e-mail from her. She asked how much we paid for her mattress and box springs. She said she was going to have to sell some of her things in order to pay for her Cobra insurance(if she can't get any help). She has no job.

Several years ago, we bought the mattress and box springs to go with a beautiful heirloom bedroom set. She inherited it when her grandmother died. In my "let me fix every thing" stage, we paid for the furniture to be moved to her apartment. We drove up and purchased a new washer for her. She and I went shopping and set up her apartment. She was sober during this time. She had a job. Her life was back on track. What joy those days brought to my heart. I prayed that she would work her program and continue a life of sobriety. But it did not occur. She relapsed.

(Back to the present situation) Mr. Habit e-mailed her. He wrote to her that he didn't know how much we paid for the mattress and box springs. He wrote her that she would have to find out the Brand name and look it up to get an estimate. All of her things are in storage. The storage is not in the state where she currently resides. (that's another whole story).

In the past, we would not have allowed her to sell the bedroom set which has such a special meaning to our family. I would have told Mr. Habit to write her, "don't sell your furniture...we will pay for your Cobra."



However, I have concluded...you know...it is just "stuff". If she sells it, she sells it.

suki44883

Good for you! It could be that she was hoping you would do just that. Otherwise, why tell you why she was thinking of selling it? Hang in there, mom. You're doing fine.

Seren

Ah, the 'selling off of gifts and telling you about it so you feel guilty' routine....

Yep, A stepson has sold bicycles, digital cameras, camping equipment, his own blood plasma, whatever he could use that wasn't nailed down. Turns out crack is an expensive hobby. 'Course the fact that his drug use cost him his job and creating a need to sell his things never occurred to him.

It's great when we can just let go and allow the adult children to figure it out on their own, right? Now we can deal with our own day in our own way!

Hugs, HG

keepinon

The letting go is a very freeing process..

JMFburns

Habit,

Good job! I know it's a struggle but it is freeing to just 'let it go'.

Hunny1116

I would say that is more than a little progress!

I still remember the day I saw my son's manipulation clearly for what it was and didn't react to it. It was truly a turning point for me.

As far as the "stuff," it's all just stuff, my husband always says if we move again, we are selling the house, furniture and everything in it and leaving with just two suitcases.

I say Amen to that!

Love,
Hunny

outtolunch

I have looked for a copies of the Addiction and Codependency for Dummies books, to no avail. I know they are out there. How else would all these ( we) " unique" folk do the same thing?

outtolunch

I remember that day when I concluded stuff is just stuff.

As it relates to some of my former stuff ( mostly 18 ct gold and wedding ring) I still occasionally have to stop myself from doing the math to determine what would have been current value. What's done is done and that's just stuff, too.

katie44

Good for you! she probably thought you would offer an alternative to selling the mattress, like paying for the Cobra insurance. They can be quite ingenious at times or so they think. I`d say your progressing. It`s just stuff.