Need help with addict boyfriend...

Old 03-13-2011, 05:43 PM
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Need help with addict boyfriend...

I have been with my boyfriend for 14 years, he has been an alcoholic for the whole time but a drug addict for the last 6years. We have a 5 year old son together which makes all my decisions even harder. He has overdosed numerous of times and once in front of our son when he was 2. This last September he was out of control he was shooting cocaine like it was going out of style. He would stay up until 5am or sometimes not come home. One night he came into the bedroom and said he had it and wanted to be with someone else, so I told him if that is what he wanted then do it. He said it many of times but never did until that night. Then he started to write suicide notes and carrying around guns. So I called his siblings who lived out of state, so they could speak with him. They called the police (mind you they lived out of state) and police came and went away stating he was fine. He was very upset with me and I heard from one of his friends that he was still talking about suicide so his sibling called me and I told her. They called the police again, police came and took him away 5150 for 72 hours. In the meantime everyone told me to get out of the house before he came back. So I packed up my entire life and my son in less than 72 hours and moved 1000 miles away without him knowing. He found out and was upset of course. He finally agreed to go to rehab in November for 30 days which he stuck with. I was very happy with him. We had been talking and getting along and working on getting back together. The morning of Christmas Eve our house burnt down, he was ok thank god. He had to go throught all of that alone, watching our house burn down, trying to salvage anything from the house, living in a hotel, and now he lives in a house that our insurance has set him up with. Anyway I am living with my mom for now have a job, my son is in school and we have stability. I still love him and want to be with him We just took a trip out to see him and it was very difficult. After 10n days of being there my heart was very emotional. He says he wants to be together but needs help taking care of the house and paperwork, and some other stuff. I noticed that he was still sticking a needle in his arm and his reply was that since I took his son away and we were not together it did not matter. If we were together this would not happen so he says. When my son and I left back to my moms he said Goodbye, he was hurt that we were leaving again. I was hurt also and my emotions were to grab onto him and let him know that I love him. So I freaked out and called him a million times but he would not answer. come to find out he had overdosed on a "cocktail" and was sleeping it off. So I made a decision with my heart and told him that I would come out there to help him in 2weeks. To sum it all up I think I decided with my heart not my head, how do I tell him that I love him and want to be with him but he needs to come my way and be sober? I feel if I do it will completely crush him and he will go off the deep end, and he will not trust me. Sorry to ramble but I needed to vent.
Thanks for reading and giving your advice!
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Old 03-13-2011, 05:48 PM
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Let him go. He is an addict and doesn't appear to want to be anything else. Stay with you mom until you are able to live on your own with your son. You don't need all that chaos and your son certainly doesn't need it.
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Old 03-14-2011, 10:59 AM
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He's addicted and doing what addicts do, including blaming you for his addiction. You did not cause this. You cannot control this. You cannot cure this. You cannot save him from himself. You are not that powerful. None of us are.

It's sounds like he is already going off the deep end. I can't come up with one good thing that could come out of exposing your child to someone addicted to drugs, has guns and is prone to suicide ideation.
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Old 03-14-2011, 01:17 PM
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I'm sorry for your situation.

The only person that can help him is himself. The only thing that anyone else helping him is going to do is prolong his ability to remain involved in drugs. Helping him is not preventing his death but simply delaying it. The only chance that he really has is if he is allowed to reach his bottom and then seek help. Now, I think that that is the time to actually help....but in healthy ways.

With all of that said....we all just do the best that we can and only you can make the decision of when to let go. Sending you throughts and prayers.
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Old 03-14-2011, 01:37 PM
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I'm glad you got all that out. My ex was/is an active crack-dealing, meth smoking drug addict. Our son is 5. I use the word "our" very loosely.

I had to draw the line when it came to the kind of people I would let be around my son. I want my son growing up in a stable environment that gives him every opportunity for success. That totally precludes being around drug addicts. Therefore his "daddy" is no longer allowed in his life.

Crazy, suicidal drug addicts do not make good fathers. Just because they are capable of making babies doesn't mean they should be around children. Your son only has you to protect him... your "boyfriend" is too busy being a selfish drug addict to truly care right now.

Walk away and stay away... and eventually you'll see by his actions what is more important to him - his drugs.... or his child.
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