Jayner

My heroin ABF was hit by a car. He was riding his bike (bicycle) on Friday night. A driver didn't see him, and hit him full force, breaking his arm and hip. Yeah, it was really hard not to rush right over there. But I didin't.

He is home now (no insurance).....and in incredible pain. Sure they gave him pain meds. His tolerance to opiates is so high, it's like taking aspirin. He wants heroin! Not only for the pain, but also because he's an addict. Wow, detox is going to suck with broken bones and having to use crutches to get around. Sure I feel awful for him. He got hit by a car. On the other hand...maybe it's a wakeup call. We shall see.

Oh, and no, I'm not there to take care of him. He's staying at his brother's house. I talk to him on the phone, but I'm not going over there. Knowing his usual timeline....he's about to get cranky. Okay, not cranky - rather, unbearable. And downright mean.

I have reduced my "support" of him to compassion and friendship only. I do love him afterall, but I love me more. So he gets nothing material.

I'm really angry at heroin right now.

Between this, and Mike Starr dying right down the road from me last week, I've had it with that garbage. That sh!t is evil.

suki44883

It is evil, and good for you for not rushing to his side. He'll survive. Take care of yourself and let the professionals take care of him.

Manz

Jayne,
I am so proud of you right now for putting you first, you so deserve it my friend. Yes you can support him from a distance, and yes let others take care of him.

Hug
Manz

Jayner

Thanks, manz, my friend. You are so sweet. I know he's being well taken care of. And that I'm not the one who will be the brunt of his anger. I'll talk to him, try to cheer him up....but that's it. I feel bad for whoever has volunteered to baby him and/or go on (and pay for) his drug runs.

Glad I choose not to.

MsPINKAcres

((Jayner))

What dignity, love and self-respect you are showing yourself and your ABF in handling this situation with love, detachment and healthy compassion ~

My thoughts & prayers are with both of you.

PINK HUGS,
Rita

mooselips

I LIKE this.

It shows your recovery is shining, at a difficult time.

Good job!

lightseeker

I'm sorry for his trials and troubles but good for you for healthy compassion (love that expression!). Hopefully it will be his wake up call. I work in a trauma ICU and it astonishes me what some people need for them to hit their bottom.

You sound like you are in a great place.....thank you for sharing your wisdom and strength

Jayner

I want to add that although my posts may make it sound like this was an easy decision, it was not. It took a while to talk myself out of rushing to his side. I sooo wanted to rush to his side and "mommy" him better. Because, after all, who to cure him better than me? Yeah right. I've rushed to his side a hundred times - and it doesn't work. Time to switch up the game. I had to sit down, chill out for a minute, and think concsiously - what I have been doing isn't helping either of us.

It's been a few months since I removed myself from his drug use. I tried to mother it. But it's not my job. He already has a mom. And I have to keep reminding myself of that. I am, however his girlfriend. I love him, and that's not going to stop. I will always feel that way - whether I ever see him again or not. I was talking to a friend about this the other night, and told him how I feel. . . about how my love for him is unconditional....and my friend asked, "to what end?" Honestly, I'd never considered an end - other than death, of course. After considering the question (darn those friends with logic and foresight!!), I told him I stand by my word.

This man may not always be my boyfriend....in fact I'm pretty sure he won't be. I suspect he will never get clean, as he has no desire to. That's his choice. But I'll always love him. And I'm okay with that.

lightseeker

Jayner,

I understand what you are saying. Just because we love someone doesn't mean that we have to take a ring side seat to the the destruction and chaos that they are part of when addiction has taken hold. You can always decide how close you want to stand to the fire.

It is never an easy decision to step away from someone you love but sometimes it can be the most loving thing that you ever do.