Ah is now home from Treatment..not easy

Old 03-09-2011, 09:31 AM
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Ah is now home from Treatment..not easy

AH was released from treatment, has a sponsor, is working the steps, and is going to meetings everyday. He says he is doing good everyday and talks about God a lot.
Things between us seem different though.
Now that he is back I feel more alone than ever. When I tell him I feeling bad and that I need support instead of comforting me he tells me to talk to God. God will heal me.
I told him I pray and thank God every night. He told me if I did I would not feel this way.
I believe in God but man I cannot take this just pray to God and God will fix everything stuff.
I am going to my first Nar Anon meeting tomorrow night.
Hoping that will help.
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Old 03-09-2011, 10:20 AM
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I'm a firm believer in God helping those who help themselves. Going to a meeting is great way to help yourself

"Work the program you wish they would"
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Old 03-09-2011, 10:38 AM
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I hope things get easier . . . it is still very new for having him back home. Go to the meeting, it will help.

((((big hug to you))))
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Old 03-09-2011, 11:01 AM
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No situation is the same, however, my ah returned 50 days ago. I knew when he came back it would be "different". That's the point isn't it? BUT it wasn't like before the addiction, or during the addiction. I call it my our new normal. However, the first couple of weeks was especially difficult. After 6 yrs of hell, he didn't really seem to acknowledge my pain at all. I was walking on egg shells. Not sure what I was supposed to do. He seemed more in tune to the people he was at rehab with than our life. I shared my confusion and I really didn't get much? I told him that our relationship had to have attention too, or I was going to have to abandon our "relationship" also & just worry about me. Things have leveled out quite a bit. I recently posted about an email he sent to a fellow rehab roommate discussing there wives. It really hurt me & I told him so. He said he was just consoling him. But right now everything in our lives revolves around him. And for the last 6 yrs it revolved around him & his addiction. He keeps repeating a quote I gave him. You can't repeat the past & beginning, just change the future.
But can I at least expect "I'm sorry", communication, & teamwork of partners?

I will be thinking about you. I wish I had more answers. Mine did get better, but is still work in progress.
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Old 03-09-2011, 02:34 PM
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Oh yes. Thank you for the responses.
We had an hour alone today to eat lunch while our son was at therapy. It was truly enlightening and made me feel a world better.
I told him that I was going to the meeting tomorrow night and he was happy with it. We talked about going through the steps together and we discussed the first three steps.
We also walked over to the vitamin store where I bought some kava calming vitamins, some bedtime tea, and some adrenal support vitamins.
We definitely took some time for me which was much needed.
He had said some things that I was thinking which let me know that although things are different that we are still on the same page.
On our way home a car cut us off and came so close to crashing into us. I was shocked that my husband remained calm, avoided the accident, and let the other car move along. He would have previously sped up and started a fight. The level of calm in him was amazing though.
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:27 PM
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I agree with Chino.

There are no simple, pat answers.

As far as I'm concerned, saying that if YOU believe hard enough, or YOUR faith is strong enough, or if YOU pray the right way, that GOD will heal you, is taking the power away from God, and putting it on you.

Not to have a big religious discussion, but....

I am a Lutheran. We do infant baptism. The reason for this, is to illustrate that WE don't find God, but that God comes to US. Even a tiny child cannot seek God on his own; he cannot go to the baptismal font under his own power.

Many Christians seem to subscribe to the "if I ____ and ____ and ____, I will be saved." Many, however, believe that God is there for us to tap into, to seek direction, wisdom and comfort from, but it's all GOD'S doing. Not ours. We're not that powerful."

Believe what YOU wish, beautiful. Your man is trying to find his way. I'm sorry he's not able to be there for you in the ways you wish him to be.
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Old 03-10-2011, 03:52 PM
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Thank you so much. After I wrote the first post of this thread I thought that maybe I should have kept it to myself but after coming back and reading the responses I received I was glad I wrote it.

I am going to my first meeting tonight. I am looking forward to it and I hope I like it.
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Old 03-12-2011, 02:41 PM
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NarAnon has helped me a lot. And so has Alanon even though my wife is addicted to drugs and not alcohol. A lot of the situations are similar.
I hope you find a sense of relief at Naranon like I did.
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