Could this be a relapse after 3 years of clean time?
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Could this be a relapse after 3 years of clean time?
Could this be a relapse after 3 years of clean time?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My boyfriend has three years of sobriety from meth and crack. He has been clean, although he does smoke weed, although he says it does not compare to the prior evils he endured with meth and cocaine. I have been concerned about the weed in the past, but am just thankful that he stays away from the other.
Last week he told me that a friend of his gave him an Oxycodone for his sore back. I questioned as to whether this was a good idea, and if he has a sore back perhaps he should seek medical attention rather than taking Oxy, which we know can be very addictive. He said... I am not a pill popper, it is one pill! He was a bit defensive. Later that evening I found 3 Oxy pills on his dresser. At that time I expressed again my concern with him and Oxy, due to the past addictions and the hell we have endured because of it. He went sideways angry. Very defensive. Told me he can take whatever he wants for a sore back if he wants. Take your own damn inventory, dont tell me what I can and cannot take. I have never been into pills, and taking drugs is a choice, and I am in control.
Ok, so I realize I should not, and can not control him, or tell him what to do, and normally I do not. However, does that not seem odd that he would get quite so defensive, does this sound like someone that is using again or heading down a path? It is really concerning to me, the reaction concerns me more than anything. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I know nothing about Oxy.
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My boyfriend has three years of sobriety from meth and crack. He has been clean, although he does smoke weed, although he says it does not compare to the prior evils he endured with meth and cocaine. I have been concerned about the weed in the past, but am just thankful that he stays away from the other.
Last week he told me that a friend of his gave him an Oxycodone for his sore back. I questioned as to whether this was a good idea, and if he has a sore back perhaps he should seek medical attention rather than taking Oxy, which we know can be very addictive. He said... I am not a pill popper, it is one pill! He was a bit defensive. Later that evening I found 3 Oxy pills on his dresser. At that time I expressed again my concern with him and Oxy, due to the past addictions and the hell we have endured because of it. He went sideways angry. Very defensive. Told me he can take whatever he wants for a sore back if he wants. Take your own damn inventory, dont tell me what I can and cannot take. I have never been into pills, and taking drugs is a choice, and I am in control.
Ok, so I realize I should not, and can not control him, or tell him what to do, and normally I do not. However, does that not seem odd that he would get quite so defensive, does this sound like someone that is using again or heading down a path? It is really concerning to me, the reaction concerns me more than anything. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I know nothing about Oxy.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
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It is really not a good thing, he is playing on the fence. He is not hiding it from you though, being upfront, maybe why he reacted the way he did. I do agree with you it was overboard and this is not normal for him? He is playing with fire.
Rose
Rose
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I will tell you my husbands DOC is heroin and any opiate or opiod is highly addictive. The defensive way he responded when I would question him about anything was my first red flag. I cannot tell you whether or not your ABF is using but I have come to the conclusion that when your gut tells you something LISTEN. That said even smoking weed is not good. Any use of mind altering substances while trying to stay clean is a recipe for failure. Please make sure you are taking care of yourself. My thoughts and prayers are going out to you.
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My boyfriend has three years of sobriety from meth and crack. He has been clean, although he does smoke weed, although he says it does not compare to the prior evils he endured with meth and cocaine.
Therefore, what you have just seen of his behaviors with the oxy will in all likelihood get worse. What you described as his reaction is just more justification, rationalization, and manipulation of an addict.
Now ....................................... what are you doing for you?
Love and hugs,
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Originally Posted by laurie6781 
No your boyfriend does NOT have 3 years of sobriety. He has been off of meth and crack but he is not nor has he been 'clean.' Not using weed.
Therefore, what you have just seen of his behaviors with the oxy will in all likelihood get worse. What you described as his reaction is just more justification, rationalization, and manipulation of an addict.
Now ....................................... what are you doing for you?
Love and hugs,
Therefore, what you have just seen of his behaviors with the oxy will in all likelihood get worse. What you described as his reaction is just more justification, rationalization, and manipulation of an addict.
Now ....................................... what are you doing for you?
Love and hugs,
I have not spoken to him since. This happened a few days back. I am scared and dont want any part of where he may be going. I am not tolerant to the weed either, but the latter has been a world of hell in the past. I cant stay and go down that path again. I guess I need to detach. He has not contacted me either, which makes it even clearer that perhaps something is going on, clearly he does not want me around. this has been a past pattern as well. So sad. Tears me up. thank you for your response.
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Originally Posted by lizadeld
My Ex-AH's drug was first heroin, then oxy's then he went back to heroin after we separated. oxy's are nothing to play with in the slightest and are very addictive. Defensive behavior and denial is a definite red flag.
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Hello Elaina, Welcome to SR!!!!
You have found a great place for support....lots of people here to totally "get it" and can share what worked and what did not for them (Experience, Strength, and Hope).
As a precautionary measure, you might want to make sure that you have a separate checking account and move some money into it so that you can cover groceries, rent, and things like that. Your BF may or may not be spending money on drugs at this point, but it would perhaps be best to protect yourself.
Keep reading! Lots of great information in the stickies at the top of each forum.
Huge hugs, HG
You have found a great place for support....lots of people here to totally "get it" and can share what worked and what did not for them (Experience, Strength, and Hope).
As a precautionary measure, you might want to make sure that you have a separate checking account and move some money into it so that you can cover groceries, rent, and things like that. Your BF may or may not be spending money on drugs at this point, but it would perhaps be best to protect yourself.
Keep reading! Lots of great information in the stickies at the top of each forum.
Huge hugs, HG
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Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found us.
I have to agree that smoking weed and recovery aren't normally used in the same sentence around here. It's simply a switch of drug of choice.
Regarding the oxycodone, who knows whether those pills will lead him back to full blown addiction to opiates. But agree with the poster above, I generally trust my gut feelings when it comes to my addicted son.
This is where you could employ healthy boundaries for yourself. Ask yourself some questions regarding what you are willing to accept and what you are not. It is OK to have boundaries and hold yourself to them (because you cannot set boundaries for another....you can only set boundaries for yourself). If he crosses those healthy boundaries you have for yourself, have a consequence and stick to it.
I love this little tidbit:
Say what you mean = set a healthy boundary
Mean what you say = those boundaries are not negotiable
Don't say it mean = state your boundary clearly and calmly
For me, the most important thing to avoid at all costs with my AS is getting pulled into an argument. I lose in those situations. Every single time. If I stay calm and state my boundaries clearly, he doesn't like it and he pitches a fit but I don't spiral down the vortex with him.
gentle hugs
I have to agree that smoking weed and recovery aren't normally used in the same sentence around here. It's simply a switch of drug of choice.
Regarding the oxycodone, who knows whether those pills will lead him back to full blown addiction to opiates. But agree with the poster above, I generally trust my gut feelings when it comes to my addicted son.
This is where you could employ healthy boundaries for yourself. Ask yourself some questions regarding what you are willing to accept and what you are not. It is OK to have boundaries and hold yourself to them (because you cannot set boundaries for another....you can only set boundaries for yourself). If he crosses those healthy boundaries you have for yourself, have a consequence and stick to it.
I love this little tidbit:
Say what you mean = set a healthy boundary
Mean what you say = those boundaries are not negotiable
Don't say it mean = state your boundary clearly and calmly
For me, the most important thing to avoid at all costs with my AS is getting pulled into an argument. I lose in those situations. Every single time. If I stay calm and state my boundaries clearly, he doesn't like it and he pitches a fit but I don't spiral down the vortex with him.
gentle hugs
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Join Date: May 2003
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Originally Posted by dgillz
If he gets caught with them and doesn't have a presciption it is a felony. Seriously. Google up "is possession of oxycode a felony" if you don't believe me.
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Originally Posted by Kindeyes
Welcome to SR......I'm glad you found us.
I love this little tidbit:
Say what you mean = set a healthy boundary
Mean what you say = those boundaries are not negotiable
Don't say it mean = state your boundary clearly and calmly
For me, the most important thing to avoid at all costs with my AS is getting pulled into an argument. I lose in those situations. Every single time. If I stay calm and state my boundaries clearly, he doesn't like it and he pitches a fit but I don't spiral down the vortex with him.
gentle hugs
I love this little tidbit:
Say what you mean = set a healthy boundary
Mean what you say = those boundaries are not negotiable
Don't say it mean = state your boundary clearly and calmly
For me, the most important thing to avoid at all costs with my AS is getting pulled into an argument. I lose in those situations. Every single time. If I stay calm and state my boundaries clearly, he doesn't like it and he pitches a fit but I don't spiral down the vortex with him.
gentle hugs
Crazy to stay in this relationship at this point for sure. Not so sure about the rest.
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by elainakay
Could this be a relapse after 3 years of clean time?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My boyfriend has three years of sobriety from meth and crack. He has been clean, although he does smoke weed, although he says it does not compare to the prior evils he endured with meth and cocaine. I have been concerned about the weed in the past, but am just thankful that he stays away from the other.
Last week he told me that a friend of his gave him an Oxycodone for his sore back. I questioned as to whether this was a good idea, and if he has a sore back perhaps he should seek medical attention rather than taking Oxy, which we know can be very addictive. He said... I am not a pill popper, it is one pill! He was a bit defensive. Later that evening I found 3 Oxy pills on his dresser. At that time I expressed again my concern with him and Oxy, due to the past addictions and the hell we have endured because of it. He went sideways angry. Very defensive. Told me he can take whatever he wants for a sore back if he wants. Take your own damn inventory, dont tell me what I can and cannot take. I have never been into pills, and taking drugs is a choice, and I am in control.
Ok, so I realize I should not, and can not control him, or tell him what to do, and normally I do not. However, does that not seem odd that he would get quite so defensive, does this sound like someone that is using again or heading down a path? It is really concerning to me, the reaction concerns me more than anything. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I know nothing about Oxy.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My boyfriend has three years of sobriety from meth and crack. He has been clean, although he does smoke weed, although he says it does not compare to the prior evils he endured with meth and cocaine. I have been concerned about the weed in the past, but am just thankful that he stays away from the other.
Last week he told me that a friend of his gave him an Oxycodone for his sore back. I questioned as to whether this was a good idea, and if he has a sore back perhaps he should seek medical attention rather than taking Oxy, which we know can be very addictive. He said... I am not a pill popper, it is one pill! He was a bit defensive. Later that evening I found 3 Oxy pills on his dresser. At that time I expressed again my concern with him and Oxy, due to the past addictions and the hell we have endured because of it. He went sideways angry. Very defensive. Told me he can take whatever he wants for a sore back if he wants. Take your own damn inventory, dont tell me what I can and cannot take. I have never been into pills, and taking drugs is a choice, and I am in control.
Ok, so I realize I should not, and can not control him, or tell him what to do, and normally I do not. However, does that not seem odd that he would get quite so defensive, does this sound like someone that is using again or heading down a path? It is really concerning to me, the reaction concerns me more than anything. Any comments would be greatly appreciated. I know nothing about Oxy.
My doc was meth, and I wouldn't touch Oxy for a sore back unless it was broke!
If a meth/crack person doesn't know they shouldn't touch that, then their gonna get themselves in trouble. IMO
On the defense part, a really really good friend admitted to me a few weeks ago they had thought I might have slipped on meth.
At first for a few minutes I was a little mad, more hurt. Then after I processed what they said and why, I have to remember that people are going to have their suspicions at times, and that is okay.
I knew/know it wasn't true, and I explained to them why it wasn't.
But not a single conversations. They wanted to know why , or how, I know I would never go back. When a good solid reason came up in my head, I would say, Oh okay, so this........... ~~~~ ....... is why I would never touch the stuff again, and/or talked to them about what it was really like sometimes...... how really horrible that stuff is.
Not sure if that makes sense, but I didn't feel the need to pound it into their head or convince them right then.
After talking about it and explaining things more over time, now they get it.
If I had been using it, I would probably have gotten angry and accused them of being a horrible person for accusing me of such a thing.......
That's just my opinion and experience.
For the record, I wouldn't choose to stay around an oxy user, it's not a good thing, that's addict thinking, I hurt my back I need drugs, which tends to lead to other thinking eventually.. I'm tired I need drugs, I am sad I need drugs.
I think someone on a more healthy level would think ;
My back hurts = I need to go to the doctor...
JMO
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Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hope you are doing OK today. I am assuming you don't live with him...just because of you mentioning you have not called him, at times like this it sure would be to your benefit if you didn't live with him.
The more you mention about his reaction and his dirt mouth, try not to take it as anything more than dirt. Using or not nobody has any right to talk to you like this. Remember to NOT take any of this personally, hard I know because he directs it right at you, I think you hit his defence button.
You are seeing Red Flags and rightfully so, I am seeing a women who is not going to put up with it!
The more you mention about his reaction and his dirt mouth, try not to take it as anything more than dirt. Using or not nobody has any right to talk to you like this. Remember to NOT take any of this personally, hard I know because he directs it right at you, I think you hit his defence button.
You are seeing Red Flags and rightfully so, I am seeing a women who is not going to put up with it!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Seattle Washington
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by Done_With_It
My doc was meth, and I wouldn't touch Oxy for a sore back unless it was broke!
If a meth/crack person doesn't know they shouldn't touch that, then their gonna get themselves in trouble. IMO
On the defense part, a really really good friend admitted to me a few weeks ago they had thought I might have slipped on meth.
At first for a few minutes I was a little mad, more hurt. Then after I processed what they said and why, I have to remember that people are going to have their suspicions at times, and that is okay.
I knew/know it wasn't true, and I explained to them why it wasn't.
But not a single conversations. They wanted to know why , or how, I know I would never go back. When a good solid reason came up in my head, I would say, Oh okay, so this........... ~~~~ ....... is why I would never touch the stuff again, and/or talked to them about what it was really like sometimes...... how really horrible that stuff is.
Not sure if that makes sense, but I didn't feel the need to pound it into their head or convince them right then.
After talking about it and explaining things more over time, now they get it.
If I had been using it, I would probably have gotten angry and accused them of being a horrible person for accusing me of such a thing.......
That's just my opinion and experience.
For the record, I wouldn't choose to stay around an oxy user, it's not a good thing, that's addict thinking, I hurt my back I need drugs, which tends to lead to other thinking eventually.. I'm tired I need drugs, I am sad I need drugs.
I think someone on a more healthy level would think ;
My back hurts = I need to go to the doctor...
JMO
If a meth/crack person doesn't know they shouldn't touch that, then their gonna get themselves in trouble. IMO
On the defense part, a really really good friend admitted to me a few weeks ago they had thought I might have slipped on meth.
At first for a few minutes I was a little mad, more hurt. Then after I processed what they said and why, I have to remember that people are going to have their suspicions at times, and that is okay.
I knew/know it wasn't true, and I explained to them why it wasn't.
But not a single conversations. They wanted to know why , or how, I know I would never go back. When a good solid reason came up in my head, I would say, Oh okay, so this........... ~~~~ ....... is why I would never touch the stuff again, and/or talked to them about what it was really like sometimes...... how really horrible that stuff is.
Not sure if that makes sense, but I didn't feel the need to pound it into their head or convince them right then.
After talking about it and explaining things more over time, now they get it.
If I had been using it, I would probably have gotten angry and accused them of being a horrible person for accusing me of such a thing.......
That's just my opinion and experience.
For the record, I wouldn't choose to stay around an oxy user, it's not a good thing, that's addict thinking, I hurt my back I need drugs, which tends to lead to other thinking eventually.. I'm tired I need drugs, I am sad I need drugs.
I think someone on a more healthy level would think ;
My back hurts = I need to go to the doctor...
JMO
Making sense of crazy behavior is really getting old. Thanks for your help. sorry about venting
Just makes me so sad.
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Seattle Washington
Posts: 17
Originally Posted by rose
Hope you are doing OK today. I am assuming you don't live with him...just because of you mentioning you have not called him, at times like this it sure would be to your benefit if you didn't live with him.
The more you mention about his reaction and his dirt mouth, try not to take it as anything more than dirt. Using or not nobody has any right to talk to you like this. Remember to NOT take any of this personally, hard I know because he directs it right at you, I think you hit his defence button.
You are seeing Red Flags and rightfully so, I am seeing a women who is not going to put up with it!
The more you mention about his reaction and his dirt mouth, try not to take it as anything more than dirt. Using or not nobody has any right to talk to you like this. Remember to NOT take any of this personally, hard I know because he directs it right at you, I think you hit his defence button.
You are seeing Red Flags and rightfully so, I am seeing a women who is not going to put up with it!
*~10 YEARS BABY~*
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: Hollywood
Posts: 9,369
Originally Posted by elainakay
Thanks I really appreciate the insite! considering he actually even told me he was taking it... well only one he said, then I found more. It was that, that really set him off. I didnt even accuse him of even abusing it, he told me he was going to take one, I was just concerned it was not a good thing for him to take considering his past, and that maybe an ibuprofen would be a better option. I do believe he also lied to me, I really dont think his mother gave it to him, it may have come from someone else. HOwever, his parents have always been terrible enablers, they even provide him with his weed! Yes, crazy huh! They also dont agree he is an addict, they would not come to family therapy during rehab, they say he has just made poor choices in the past, no such thing as addiction. Needless to say, I dont talk to his parents at all, we dont get along. PRobably why he told me that she gave it to him.
Making sense of crazy behavior is really getting old. Thanks for your help. sorry about venting
Just makes me so sad.
Making sense of crazy behavior is really getting old. Thanks for your help. sorry about venting
Just makes me so sad.Ahh don't be sorry about venting, it's what gets us through stuff.
The more you talk, and say stuff out loud, often that's when you start to see the decisions you need to make, and what the real truth is.
So talk all you want.
And it's okay to be sad, the sadness will be replaced with happiness when you start to heal and move on.
Feelings are good, esp. being sad, I think it's our bodies/minds way of telling us something isn't working or isn't right and we need to change something.
Odds are the oxy is going to be more important to him than you being sad.
So doing what is best for you right now, is the best thing you can do for yourself.
We're all here for you, keep talking.. :ghug3
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Originally Posted by Done_With_It
Ahh don't be sorry about venting, it's what gets us through stuff.
The more you talk, and say stuff out loud, often that's when you start to see the decisions you need to make, and what the real truth is.
So talk all you want.
And it's okay to be sad, the sadness will be replaced with happiness when you start to heal and move on.
Feelings are good, esp. being sad, I think it's our bodies/minds way of telling us something isn't working or isn't right and we need to change something.
Odds are the oxy is going to be more important to him than you being sad.
So doing what is best for you right now, is the best thing you can do for yourself.
We're all here for you, keep talking.. :ghug3
The more you talk, and say stuff out loud, often that's when you start to see the decisions you need to make, and what the real truth is.
So talk all you want.
And it's okay to be sad, the sadness will be replaced with happiness when you start to heal and move on.
Feelings are good, esp. being sad, I think it's our bodies/minds way of telling us something isn't working or isn't right and we need to change something.
Odds are the oxy is going to be more important to him than you being sad.
So doing what is best for you right now, is the best thing you can do for yourself.
We're all here for you, keep talking.. :ghug3
Hugs... Kris
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Thank you all for taking the time to help me with this and lend your support. It really makes a huge difference for me while dealing with this. The insite is invaluable. I appreciate all you have had to say it helps more than you may realize. 
Kris
Kris
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