Yesterday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Yesterday
I haven't heard from my AS until yesterday.
It's funny. When I don't hear from him, I wonder how he's doing. When I do hear from him, I wish I hadn't.....because now I know what he's doing.
His call yesterday threw me. I was able to do all of the right "things" while on the phone with him but once I got off, I fell apart.
I called a wonderful person from my Naranon group. I needed support. And she said the most beautiful prayer and talked to God on my behalf. She found the words that I could not say. It calmed me so that I could continue to work.
I work with my husband. He came in several hours later after the call. He sat down in my office and I was holding both of his hands, our heads were together, and we were talking. Then one of our employees comes and starts hanging outside of my office, pacing, etc. I tried to ignore him but he just kept it up. I just needed five minutes with my husband......just five.....without being interrupted. I guess, if it was me, unless my hair was on fire, if I saw my employers talking quietly, holding hands, with their heads together in their private office.....I would have given them a few minutes......that is of course, unless my hair was on fire in which case I'd run around in circles screaming "My HAIR is on fire."
I guess I don't understand people sometimes.
I should have just said "hey, can you give a few minutes of privacy?" (Even though I thought our postures stated that pretty clearly.) But instead I reached over a shut my door and my husband thought that I was rude. Perhaps I was.......but now......my husband and I are mad at each other.
Good gravey........this is the kind of stupid stuff that happens when there's an addict in the family.
I need to learn to control my behavior while I'm talking to my AS (which I have successfully done pretty well) but also deal with the emotional aftershocks that occur. I'm not so good at that part.
I need to work harder.
gentle hugs
It's funny. When I don't hear from him, I wonder how he's doing. When I do hear from him, I wish I hadn't.....because now I know what he's doing.
His call yesterday threw me. I was able to do all of the right "things" while on the phone with him but once I got off, I fell apart.
I called a wonderful person from my Naranon group. I needed support. And she said the most beautiful prayer and talked to God on my behalf. She found the words that I could not say. It calmed me so that I could continue to work.
I work with my husband. He came in several hours later after the call. He sat down in my office and I was holding both of his hands, our heads were together, and we were talking. Then one of our employees comes and starts hanging outside of my office, pacing, etc. I tried to ignore him but he just kept it up. I just needed five minutes with my husband......just five.....without being interrupted. I guess, if it was me, unless my hair was on fire, if I saw my employers talking quietly, holding hands, with their heads together in their private office.....I would have given them a few minutes......that is of course, unless my hair was on fire in which case I'd run around in circles screaming "My HAIR is on fire."
I guess I don't understand people sometimes.
I should have just said "hey, can you give a few minutes of privacy?" (Even though I thought our postures stated that pretty clearly.) But instead I reached over a shut my door and my husband thought that I was rude. Perhaps I was.......but now......my husband and I are mad at each other.
Good gravey........this is the kind of stupid stuff that happens when there's an addict in the family.
I need to learn to control my behavior while I'm talking to my AS (which I have successfully done pretty well) but also deal with the emotional aftershocks that occur. I'm not so good at that part.
I need to work harder.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: southeast
Posts: 111
My husband & I also work together & have numerous employees. It's bad enough to have to deal with addicts & disfunction in our personal lives, but the rudeness of people who work for you is stress we don't need.
It's always amazing to me how draining & selfish employees can be. They are just like children. Give me, give me!!! Then how dare you not fulfill all their needs!
Your employee was rude & It didn't seem to me you were rude in return.
But I understand. My husband is the office nice guy. Can't stand conflict & says yes to everything. And I, just like with our kids, am the one that has to go in & fix everything & be the bad guy!
Hugs!
It's always amazing to me how draining & selfish employees can be. They are just like children. Give me, give me!!! Then how dare you not fulfill all their needs!
Your employee was rude & It didn't seem to me you were rude in return.
But I understand. My husband is the office nice guy. Can't stand conflict & says yes to everything. And I, just like with our kids, am the one that has to go in & fix everything & be the bad guy!
Hugs!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
It's funny. When I don't hear from him, I wonder how he's doing. When I do hear from him, I wish I hadn't.....because now I know what he's doing.
I guess, if it was me, unless my hair was on fire, if I saw my employers talking quietly, holding hands, with their heads together in their private office.....I would have given them a few minutes......that is of course, unless my hair was on fire in which case I'd run around in circles screaming "My HAIR is on fire."
I do not understand (maybe because i am so hypervigilant) people who cannot read obvious body language.
Holding hands, heads together, not the time to interrupt, or pace back and forth like a toddler.
I am sorry Kindeyes, you are doing okay. I think closing the door was the last cue, and it was not rude. But, I might have been more vocal and took my anger and pain out on that poor employee which would solve nothing and just end up with hurt feelings.
Beth
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Well call me rude too, but I would have shut the door too.
I'm sorry your son got to you, I haven't heard from my son in over 6 years...but I'd just as soon not hear until the words he has to say are "I've been clean 2 years now and thought I'd call". Anything less would send me into a frenzy.
Hugs
I'm sorry your son got to you, I haven't heard from my son in over 6 years...but I'd just as soon not hear until the words he has to say are "I've been clean 2 years now and thought I'd call". Anything less would send me into a frenzy.
Hugs
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Good gravey........this is the kind of stupid stuff that happens when there's an addict in the family.
But look how far you've come! Nice gentle hugs, KindEyes...I'm sorry hearing from your son brought on that emotional tail spin, but so glad you know how to get the plane back on course.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Sorry to hear things are rough for your son and you are struggling..hope you are finding peace and enjoyment with the others in your life as I know they love you lots too.Bet you and your guy have made up by now! 
(crossed fingers)
(crossed fingers)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
So sorry for all this stuff happening to you! Sorry about your son, and especially sorry about the incident that now has your husband upset with you. Good news is, it will blow over! But still stinks that it happened. ****{HUGS}}}
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,322
Sometimes I measure my progress not in whether I fall into a codie tailspin, but how quickly I am able to put a stop to it. What used to take days, weeks, my regular life approach, now can last just an hour, or only a few minutes.
Progress, not perfection, Kind Eyes Hugs to you!!
Progress, not perfection, Kind Eyes
Hugs to you!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Hahahah.....my method of recovery from my tailspin that night was to shut myself in the spare bedroom with dozens of books, pamphlets, and misc reading material that was all focused on ME. All of my Naranon materials were scattered across the bed and I fell asleep reading them.
The next morning my dear sweet husband asked if I was ready to talk and I said yes. He then proceeded to apologize to me. He said that closing the door was appropriate because the employee had absolutely nothing important to tell us. And it was nothing that could not have been done in an email. My husband has been very supportive and even though he doesn't attend Naranon meetings, he seems to understand the concepts exceedingly well and can talk me through anything. I am blessed to have such a strong and loving man in my life. With him walking by my side and my dear friends from SR and Naranon, I can handle whatever comes my way.
Thank you all for your kind support. I hate trips back to codie-ville. I hate the feeling of helplessness I get when I talk with my son. But I have to gently hand him over to HIS higher power and hope that he will someday be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
gentle hugs
The next morning my dear sweet husband asked if I was ready to talk and I said yes. He then proceeded to apologize to me. He said that closing the door was appropriate because the employee had absolutely nothing important to tell us. And it was nothing that could not have been done in an email. My husband has been very supportive and even though he doesn't attend Naranon meetings, he seems to understand the concepts exceedingly well and can talk me through anything. I am blessed to have such a strong and loving man in my life. With him walking by my side and my dear friends from SR and Naranon, I can handle whatever comes my way.
Thank you all for your kind support. I hate trips back to codie-ville. I hate the feeling of helplessness I get when I talk with my son. But I have to gently hand him over to HIS higher power and hope that he will someday be sick and tired of being sick and tired.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
Originally Posted by peaceteach 
Sometimes I measure my progress not in whether I fall into a codie tailspin, but how quickly I am able to put a stop to it. What used to take days, weeks, my regular life approach, now can last just an hour, or only a few minutes.
Progress, not perfection, Kind Eyes Hugs to you!!
Progress, not perfection, Kind Eyes
Hugs to you!!chicory
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
I was struck when you said 'you needed to work harder'...... on what?
You come across as one of the nicests most compassionate people on SR. I think you are entitled to have moment of Not-so-Kindeyes given what you are going through as a mom.
It isn't about being perfect or always knowing what the right thing to do is. My son is not an addict but he has a slew of other emotional problems and just yesterday my therapist was trying to get me to be 'angry' more.
I think it comes with being the mother in a highly complicated (and very taxing) situation, this need to always feel like we have to be in control but that is because what we are going through is so much OUT of our control (less so a codependent issue IMHO).
p.s. Hope your son finds his way to a healthier life soon.
You come across as one of the nicests most compassionate people on SR. I think you are entitled to have moment of Not-so-Kindeyes given what you are going through as a mom.
It isn't about being perfect or always knowing what the right thing to do is. My son is not an addict but he has a slew of other emotional problems and just yesterday my therapist was trying to get me to be 'angry' more.
I think it comes with being the mother in a highly complicated (and very taxing) situation, this need to always feel like we have to be in control but that is because what we are going through is so much OUT of our control (less so a codependent issue IMHO).
p.s. Hope your son finds his way to a healthier life soon.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
Kindeyes,` your doing just fine. My spouse and I work together to. There was nothing wrong with closing the door. We are interupted continuassly from employees for the silliest things all part of self employment. ( very frustrating at times ) prayers to you and your family. (((hugs))))
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