Kindeyes

Vaya
Just reading your posts gave me feelings of anxiety. I know far too well the feelings that you are feeling as we recently had our son live with us after getting out of inpatient treatment. It is really hard to have them live under your roof (particularly in such close quarters as you are living). You want to support his efforts toward recovery. And it is like walking a razors edge to do that without enabling. And the whole progress, not perfection applies to us.....as well as to the addict.

We all do what we have to do and what we can live with. Is there a perfectly "right" way to do things? I don't know. All of us have our own tolerance levels and no one can impose their own on someone else. Just as it is easy to watch a football game and shout out when the ref or coach makes a bad call, it's easy for "us" to judge what you are doing with your son. But we aren't the ones who live with the consequences whatever they may be.

I'm not going to judge whether you are doing the right thing or not. You are doing what you can live with for now. It doesn't matter if our addicts are living with us or not, using or struggling with recovery......it absolutely sucks to be the parent of an addict.

For me, asking my son to leave was very difficult. Did I make the right decision? I don't know. Is he using again? Probably. I haven't seen or heard from him in almost three weeks. My anxiety is considerably less now that he is not under my roof but it is not gone entirely. I get long periods of feeling at peace during the day but the "stinking thinking" crops up periodically. I have to constantly remind myself to Let Go and Let God......that is what keeps me sane and serene.

I'll keep you and your dear son in my prayers.

gentle hugs from another Mom who understands your struggle

Seren

Oh, Vaya, I'm sorry that this has all been so stressful for you. No one here or anywhere else can tell you what is the right thing to do. You have to decide that for yourself.

Mr. HG had to kick his adult son out of his house when he began using crack. This after Jr. nearly drank himself to death. It was very hard at first for Mr. HG to accept the fact that Al-Anon was not going to tell him just exactly what he needed to do to save his son, only what he and I needed to do to save ourselves.

Mr. HG and Jr. communicate primarily by e-mail now, and only when Jr. is not being abusive. It does break our hearts to know that he is homeless and probably still drinking/drugging. But we turn him over to his HP everyday because we are just not powerful enough to get Jr. to stop using.

Our lives are much more peaceful now that we don't have the daily ups and downs of his addict behavior right in front of us all the time. Perhaps that seems cold, but he is making his own adult decisions and living with the consequences just like the rest of us.

I continue to pray for my stepson and will pray for you and your beloved son, too.

Hugs, HG

mooselips

Vaya,
After having been in Alanon since 1995, I should know what to do, but I still don't follow through all the time, and I think that is one of the hazards of being a mother. We somehow, get ourselves so involved in the total situation, because subconsciously, we have to help, we want them to recover, and we always hope for the best.

If your son is asking for inpatient, it seems to me that he is at least giving sobriety a try.
Although sometimes, I have a difficult time believing my addicts from my past experiences.

For me, either one of my sons living at our home is not an option, it puts me WAY too close to the action, even if they are sober, I just can't do it.

We have to do what feels right for us, no one has the right answers...

I wish for you......peace.

Hugs from one mom to another......

JMFburns

vaya,

Do they have bus cards with value on them where you live that you could buy for your son rather than giving him cash?

vaya

JMF- yes they do have bus cards. I thought about that too.Might consider it. Thanks.