ksaun

since I last saw my addicted ex-friend. Its been about 1.5 years since I let her go, gave up on her, moved on. What ever you want to call it. With exception of the occational random thought I haven't thought about her, her situation, what she was doing, how she was doing, etc. And the thoughts of her that did randomly appear were quickly extinguished. So there has been no obsessing over her, her situation, or anything to do with her, as I once admittedly did as you can read in my former posts.

I have moved on with my life and life is good. I don't feel the need to bring her back into my life or fight her battles for her as I once did. Which in my eyes is a very good thing. Now maybe that is being selfish or cold hearted but I'm OK with that. She made her choices and I have made mine. She was not a family member, or loved one, to be honest she wasn't really a friend. She was just a girl I knew that I cared about and gave a crap enough about her to try to "HELP" her. Which now i know is pretty laughable.

In any case, about 10 months ago, my addicted ex-friends cousin and I are hanging out. Then out of the blue she tells me her cousin just got back from court ordered rehab and she is looking great and is trying to make it work. And how she was so happy for her. And she was so happy because now she could work on getting me and her cousin back together again. I was shocked to say the least and told her I didn't think that was such a great idea. And left it at that, on that evening. If that happened 1.5 - 2 years ago I probably would have jumped at the chance. What a dumbass, right?

Now what you have to understand is I told my friend 1.5 years ago NOT to talk about her cousin, what she was doing, who she was doing it with or even bring her up around me after what had happened between us. And up until that point she for the most part did as I asked. Then all of a sudden she is working on plans to get us back together? WTF?

I thought about what she said for a couple days. Then decided to talk to her about what she had said. I asked her why it was so important for her that me and her cousin got back together. (Like I said we weren't even really friends now that I look back on it) She said, "She wanted to work on her cousin and try to get her to see how much I did to try to help her. And how good I was to her."

I told her "your cousin shouldn't need someone to convince her of those things, She either sees it on her own or she doesn't." Then I told her " her cousin was part of my past, not my future. And I wanted nothing to do with her." I also said "I didn't hate her cousin and I was happy for her that she was on the right path." But unless her cousin realizes what she did to me and was truly sorry for what she had done. Not because someone else forcing her to realize it. But because of her own realizations. Then and only then would I MAYBE be willing to speak with her."

Now I don't expect my addicted ex-friend to contact me anytime soon if ever to be honest. But If she did, I'm honestly not sure how I would react. On one hand if she got to that point, I would be happy for her that she was on the road to recovery. On the other hand I burried any feelings I had for her long ago and don't know if I would even want to see her. Much less try to rekindle and form of friendship. I guess none of us ever know how we will react until the time comes.

I feel like I did the right thing for both of us by refusing to have anything to do with her or have her cousin mediate a resurgence of our friendship. I can honestly say I dont love her or hate her.

I guess I was just wondering if any of you have felt like this? I am just done with her, but can't help but wonder if I really did the right thing telling her cousin I wanted nothing to do with her? I mean its not like I even had a positive effect on her life with all I did to try to help her, right?


I dont know, she has been in my thoughts more than usual lately and just needed to vent some residual thoughts. To get them out of my head for good.

Ann

It's okay to move on, no matter how your ex-friend is doing. It's okay to find a better life and live it well. It's not only okay, it's a healthy way to live.

My son has been missing over 6 years. I say a prayer for him each morning and give him to God. I no longer live in fear or regret. I live my life well and embrace the beauty in each day. I live in my light, not his darkness. One day he may find the light too, and I would have to consider our relationship.

But I know in my heart I will never ever go back to the dark place of fear where I lived for too many years. I will never ever live a life of chaos again. I have moved on and have no plans to ever go back to the codependent/addiction chaos that was my life before recovery.

It's okay to move on. I did.

Hugs

The Other Side

Hi ((Ksaun)). I thought I'd chime in because I have addicts in my past that I've completely removed from my life and I've had those addicts call years later or ran into them - for me there wasn't interest in rekindling any relationship or friendship with them either (except with my mom who has 13 years clean now) I always dealt with the calls in the same way - If i thought the call could have been one of their steps and they were trying to make amends I would tell them that I'd moved on and that I didn't hold resentments and wished them continued success. If I thought the call was an effort to rekindle a relationship I'd tell them strait out that I was happy they were in a good place and finding recovery but I wasn't interested in a relationship with them and I hoped they continued on a positive path. I kept the calls short and sweet. If you do hear from her and aren't interested in a friendship or rebuilding a relationship I'd avoid being pulled into a long conversation about the past and what happened - keep it simple you've moved on and you are in a good place and it's great that she has too - you can be happy for her that she is doing well and wish her well in her recovery without feeling you owe her anything more!

atalose

Remember blood will always be thicker then water.

Your friend (ex’s cousin) seems a little too involved with her cousins personal life, kind of pushy in the direction she would prefer to see her go which is not necessarily in YOUR best interest.

It is ok to move on and away and if that annoys your friend, then maybe you need to re-think that friendship.