jolivo

im a recovering addict of 4 years now. i`ve lost 3 families to drugs (my abuse and the abuse of others). im 9 months preg. and my husband who has had 10 years of recovery has relapsed. hes been stealing them from a friend. slowly now info is coming out that he bought some. he is becoming unmanageable. i dont want to leave him. ive tried everything support paitence tough love what the heck do i do. im going insane. no sex no intimacy no support no life. omg pls help

sojourner

Jolivo: Welcome to SR. You have found a great place for support as you go through this trying time in your life.

The timing on your finding out about your husband's relapse stinks - being 9 months pregnant and all. I too went through pregnancy (3 of them!) with a husband in active drug use. I survived it, and so will you.

Do you have a good support group around you? Family members to help you with the new baby, friends you have through your own addiction recovery, etc? You may need to lean on them somewhat during this time.

What's your biggest worry right now?

jolivo

sry im txt on phone for this. so really he doesnt want to go to meetings. i try to talk to him about it but its the same old story guilt shame remorse i`ll quit i have to go thru dt's. sometimes i wish he'd make up his mind. either you wanna stay high or you don't. im mad frustrated feel alone. my mom's been helping me with my pregnancy, but now im afraid for her to come over because he may be going thru withdrawls. its disgusting.

sojourner

So what is your biggest fear in all of this?

jolivo

i have no one really. my mother is here for me but if i told her manure would hit the fan u kno? i have been going thru the threads here to gain some insight. i just feel so mad. we've been thru worse but kept hold of our recovery. now that things are looking up he goes and does this to us. i told him i wouldn't give up on him but im really fed up. i want to stay with him i love him but his addiction is driving a wedge between us

jolivo

my biggest fear is him shooting dope us losing everything we've been blessed with and losing my son to be. he hasnt shot up yet just been on painkillers but it may happen eventually. i lost my eldest son to my addiction and my youngest son to my ex's and my addiction. thats what im afraid of. plus he's too darn old to be doing this 58 yrs. im 28

sojourner

Those are big fears and valid fears. His addiction could cause you to lose everything - money, home, your child, your ability to parent your child.

This new baby is #1, right? Time to talk to mom because you need a Plan B - somewhere to live if your husband is not able to participate in the stable home life that your baby needs and that you need in order to be a good mom. Your HP has given you this opportunity for this new baby.

If your mother gets angry, will she get over it? Will she abandon you?

sojourner

Jolivo: I'm signing off now. I'll pray for you all this weekend. Don't know what time it is where you are at, but just remember that the morning is wiser than the evening. You will feel better after getting a good night's sleep, and things will look a little better.

jolivo

she'll get over it, however she has 2 girls a man and a zoo in her house lol. idk if she would let me stay there. however there is a shelter for women in my area. i do appreciate your wisdom. you`ve given me hope and alot to think upon. xoxo sojourner

keepinon

can you reach out to peopel in your recovery circle?

jolivo

i haven't spoken to anyone about this this is my first time asking for help.

jolivo

the worst thing about this is he went pill seeking today at the e.r. and i called him out on it. he said it was for his back. he came back home and i called him out on his scrip. i feel like calling the e.r. and telling them to take note that he is an addict relapsing. can i do that legally?

Chino

Did it work when anyone tried to control your addiction?

jolivo

honestly, no. when i was not in recovery everything was a blur. my thoughts and care was set aside. thats how i lost it all. by not caring. i wish i would have had someone to slap me some sense. fig speaking of course. i didnt think of anyone and didnt love myself or anyone that was surrounding me. i have my regrets for it. i dont want him to suffer it kills me to see him suffer. the funny thing is he is not alone. i am here.

keepinon

but in the addiction you are really alone..just you and what you need, right?

ready2learn

jolivo, you've got those pregnancy hormones zigzagging around on top of everything else you're dealing with, so maybe that affects your perception right now, too. I agree with everyone here who encourages you to think about this new life you're getting ready to bring into the world. It's a second chance for you to be a mom again, and you've gotta sort out what kind of life you want for that little one, and for yourself. You're on the right road in your recovery - don't let anyone give you excuses about why they can't do it, too.

jolivo

see thats where its wrong. it wasn't me and what i needed. it was screw everyone and let me get what i want. i wasnt alone in my addiction i chose to isolate from everyone around me so i could be high. thats what my perception was. and i did that for 18 years. i destroyed those i loved by my choice to get high. i was surrounded by loved ones i.e. my kids. but i didnt care enough to think act and love.

jolivo

ready2learn, youre hittin the nail on the head. thank you so much for your support. i just gotta do me n this little one. just for today one step at a time. and ohhh yea those hormones are on overdrive. i cant let excuses get in the way. ive got a plan and with my HP`s guidance i will see it through.

magicmalu

Try the method in the book 'secret'. It may work.

Seren

Hi Jolivo and welcome to SR!

Lots of great experience, strength, and hope here!!!! Keep taking good care of yourself and that precious little one to be!

Hugs, HG