Daughter leaving rehab today, questions/advice
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
Originally Posted by jbyers 
Well, I didn't let her move back in and within 24 hours of getting out she screwed up again. My son caught her at the corner store with a huge assembly of her drug friends, all high.
About a 1/2 hour after that, her friend (who I have never met) text me saying she was in a school parking lot having an anxiety attack and seizures.
Ironically, the last week she was in detox she said one of the clients there was having anxiety attacks and seizures. BS.
I told her friend if she was worried to call 911.
I can't keep living this...
About a 1/2 hour after that, her friend (who I have never met) text me saying she was in a school parking lot having an anxiety attack and seizures.
Ironically, the last week she was in detox she said one of the clients there was having anxiety attacks and seizures. BS.
I told her friend if she was worried to call 911.
I can't keep living this...
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Waterford MI
Posts: 4,202
Ironically, the last week she was in detox she said one of the clients there was having anxiety attacks and seizures. BS.
I told her friend if she was worried to call 911.
I can't keep living this...
I told her friend if she was worried to call 911.
I can't keep living this...
I am sorry you are going thru this, and I hope you find some recovery support for yourself.
Beth
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 30
I've been going to alanon meetings here. We don't have naranon. I don't really like them, but I am listening. The books they use refer to US as the alcoholic. I know there are books out there that are for family/friends.
The "seizures" must not have got the best of her because she showed up here in the middle of the the night screaming and cussing that she wants her stuff. She never cusses in front of me. Anyway, I told her no and to leave. She threatened to call the cops. I told her go ahead and when they come I will give them her stuff and the drugs we found in her car.
I will give her the stuff. We are moving so I packed it all up when she left for rehab. But, I wasn't about to let her in or do it in the middle of the night.
SHOULD I give her the stuff? HOW do I give her the stuff?
I also have her driver's license because she left her wallet in my son's car when he picked her up from rehab. I'm sure she wants that to pawn everything she owns-but, whatever...
The "seizures" must not have got the best of her because she showed up here in the middle of the the night screaming and cussing that she wants her stuff. She never cusses in front of me. Anyway, I told her no and to leave. She threatened to call the cops. I told her go ahead and when they come I will give them her stuff and the drugs we found in her car.
I will give her the stuff. We are moving so I packed it all up when she left for rehab. But, I wasn't about to let her in or do it in the middle of the night.
SHOULD I give her the stuff? HOW do I give her the stuff?
I also have her driver's license because she left her wallet in my son's car when he picked her up from rehab. I'm sure she wants that to pawn everything she owns-but, whatever...
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Wow..really good way to hold your boundaries..you are right about not being able to go on living like this..so you change your behavior..which you did!She just isn't "done"..but here's the good news..she has been exposed to recovery..she has had tthe seeds planted..when the consequences of her addiction become too much..she knows where to go..she knows about recovery.
What I did was work my a$$ off in my program, put her stuff on the street and said..get it by 2morrow..told her rehab was on the table when/if she wanted it, and had very limited contact with her..it's very hard to have a relationship with someone in active addiction as their world gets really small,self centered, and dirty..but I did just tell her I love her, let her know i knew she could have a whole differnt life...told her we would support her in any REAL efforts to get sober (basically send her to inpatient).
Cynical One posted a great article about how people get sober..PAIN motivates an addict..they must feel it before that WANT to get better..and they will try to "get better" their way..they almost always fail.
I'm really impressed how well you did..call 911..perfect..what are YOU supposed to do with seizures?Keep putting it all back on her..make her the one who has to deal with the problems she creates for herself.
I will say this too..when my daughter got out of the 1st rehab and went back out..it moved from being "fun" to straight addiction with lightning speed..she was no longer enjoying getting high...peoeple have said to me that she knew too much after rehab and it really takes the enjoyment out of it because they do have some understanding of recovery..best thing you can do is be a modal of healthy boundaries and recovery..which you are doing!Big hugs...
What I did was work my a$$ off in my program, put her stuff on the street and said..get it by 2morrow..told her rehab was on the table when/if she wanted it, and had very limited contact with her..it's very hard to have a relationship with someone in active addiction as their world gets really small,self centered, and dirty..but I did just tell her I love her, let her know i knew she could have a whole differnt life...told her we would support her in any REAL efforts to get sober (basically send her to inpatient).
Cynical One posted a great article about how people get sober..PAIN motivates an addict..they must feel it before that WANT to get better..and they will try to "get better" their way..they almost always fail.
I'm really impressed how well you did..call 911..perfect..what are YOU supposed to do with seizures?Keep putting it all back on her..make her the one who has to deal with the problems she creates for herself.
I will say this too..when my daughter got out of the 1st rehab and went back out..it moved from being "fun" to straight addiction with lightning speed..she was no longer enjoying getting high...peoeple have said to me that she knew too much after rehab and it really takes the enjoyment out of it because they do have some understanding of recovery..best thing you can do is be a modal of healthy boundaries and recovery..which you are doing!Big hugs...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Sunny California
Posts: 30
Well, she showed up here yesterday while we were working in the back yard. She stole $100 out of her dad's wallet, denied it (we all scrambled for our wallets and purses when we discovered she was here), threw a crying, sobbing, "I didn't take money" "I swear to God" fit. Got on our phone, stopped crying and said "Ok, come get me" to whoever she called.
She looked like a junkie. She has only been out of rehab a week and I could tell she hadn't even bathed since then, her eyes were all red around the whatever part of the eye it is where you put eyeliner (I can't think rt now), a classic sign on her that she's been using....
I don't think we are going to get her back...
She looked like a junkie. She has only been out of rehab a week and I could tell she hadn't even bathed since then, her eyes were all red around the whatever part of the eye it is where you put eyeliner (I can't think rt now), a classic sign on her that she's been using....
I don't think we are going to get her back...
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
j
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. It is painful.
We can only hope that at some point our adult children will make better choices in life. But no matter what they decide.....we continue to be powerless over their addiction......completely and utterly powerless. We have no real choice other than to hand them over to their higher power.
Please know that you are not alone. With hard work on our part, we can live our lives with some measure of serenity while our sons/daughters do their thing. It sounds as though you are doing remarkably well.
gentle hugs
I'm so sorry that you are dealing with all of this. It is painful.
We can only hope that at some point our adult children will make better choices in life. But no matter what they decide.....we continue to be powerless over their addiction......completely and utterly powerless. We have no real choice other than to hand them over to their higher power.
Please know that you are not alone. With hard work on our part, we can live our lives with some measure of serenity while our sons/daughters do their thing. It sounds as though you are doing remarkably well.
gentle hugs
Trudging that road.
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Seattle Wa
Posts: 6,840
jbyers, 1st off I want to thank you for sharing and I pray your pain lessens soon. With that said, I want to give you a little hope. I stopped doing heroin almost 7 years ago now, and my parents had to write me off years ago. No way would they ever consider letting me come home. My mom asked me to leave when I was 13 years old, stating she had other kids to think about, and I wasn't doing hard drugs at the time, but I was drinking, smoking pot and doing various pills. Anyway it took me over 30 years to get it together, but over the last 7 years we have mended many fences and when my mom died this past June she knew I was clean.
When my parents did try to help as far as sending me money or buying me cars all that went for dope. I knew how to play on their guilt for having me leave. The best thing IMO you can do for your daughter is let her reach her bottom on the streets, that was the only thing that got me to stop, and plenty of other addicts I know. Its part of the addiction to use people that love us and want to help us, but they aren't really helping.
As far as your family members its always easier for others to judge when its not in their face every day. Maybe if you got the text Narcotics Anonymous some of them could get a clue by reading it. It is a great book and explains so much about the addict.
SR is a great place to vent so I am glad you found it.
I can tell you love your daughter and a part of me wishes my mom had wanted to do 1/2 of what you have, but she did the best she could at the time.
I'll keep you & your daughter in my prayers, keep going to Alanon its a great program.
Peace & Blessings Judy M
When my parents did try to help as far as sending me money or buying me cars all that went for dope. I knew how to play on their guilt for having me leave. The best thing IMO you can do for your daughter is let her reach her bottom on the streets, that was the only thing that got me to stop, and plenty of other addicts I know. Its part of the addiction to use people that love us and want to help us, but they aren't really helping.
As far as your family members its always easier for others to judge when its not in their face every day. Maybe if you got the text Narcotics Anonymous some of them could get a clue by reading it. It is a great book and explains so much about the addict.
SR is a great place to vent so I am glad you found it.
I can tell you love your daughter and a part of me wishes my mom had wanted to do 1/2 of what you have, but she did the best she could at the time.
I'll keep you & your daughter in my prayers, keep going to Alanon its a great program.
Peace & Blessings Judy M
Last edited by newby1961; 02-26-2011 at 09:06 AM. Reason: punctuation, spelling
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
Wow Newby..thanks for all that..my daughter is a recovering heroin addict and stories like that from the other side really help...
jbyers..I had lost all hope too, but we do not know what, when, or if these beloved kids are going to find recovery..but you are absolutely giving her the best chance by not loving her to death..it is so hard.I was shocked when my daughter CHOSE to go to rehab, even after her 2nd one she briefly relapsed, but realized very quickly she didn't want have that kind of life again..clean 5 months now..miracles happen..are you getting support from your meetings?
jbyers..I had lost all hope too, but we do not know what, when, or if these beloved kids are going to find recovery..but you are absolutely giving her the best chance by not loving her to death..it is so hard.I was shocked when my daughter CHOSE to go to rehab, even after her 2nd one she briefly relapsed, but realized very quickly she didn't want have that kind of life again..clean 5 months now..miracles happen..are you getting support from your meetings?
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