I want to go home

Old 02-16-2011, 01:55 PM
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I want to go home

My daughter has been sick, we're currently staying at an extended stay. She wants to see daddy, she wants to go home and has been crying for daddy every night. I now just have 30.00 for the next 2 weeks until I get paid. My husband told me that he contacted my cousin who is a recovered alcoholic / mentor. They've opened up with each. And he has taken the steps of contacting our minister. I kind of just want to go home, and just let my AH just be him and not care for now until I save up for more.
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:24 PM
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Do you want to go home? Is it safe for you and your children? Is there anyone who can help you financially get through the next couple of weeks?

I don't have the answers for you, but will keep you and your children in my prayers. This must be very hard for all of you.

Hugs
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:28 PM
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I'm sorry. (((Hugs))) You have to make your own decision. Is there a reason you haven't called Catholic Community Services or a women's shelter or a friend or family member for a temporary place to stay until you get things sorted out? I know Catholic Community Services has resources and you don't have to be Catholic to use them.

As far as your daughter goes, it might be more difficult for her if you keep going back and forth - but you have to make your own call on this. Remember, that you are the mom and sometimes moms have to do things that are difficult for their children to understand.

Sometimes it's best just listen to your kids and help them get their feelings out - my son's counselor told me this - it doesn't mean you have to change what you are doing. Let her know you understand that she is upset and that it's ok to talk about it, but going home isn't an option right now. Reassure her everything is ok and that you have everything under control - that you love her, that her daddy loves her very much and that she has nothing to worry about. Sometimes mommys and daddys can't be in the same house and that's ok. Tell her she'll see him soon enough and then ask her if she wants to watch a movie or snuggle.
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:45 PM
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He's always been safe. He's never hurt me or my daughter. I also miss him and I want to be there to help him beat this addiction. And I know this is me falling from my own recovery, but do I have to leave my own home for my own recovery?
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Old 02-16-2011, 02:48 PM
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I want to be there to help him beat this addiction.
Being there is not going to make a bit of difference when it comes to him beating his addiction. That's something that has to come from within him. Recovery doesn't come from an external force. It's not something you can help with.

Think about your daughter first and foremost. If you put her long term emotional well-being first and foremost - before your husbands or your own, you won't regret your decision, whatever that is.

Have you talked to your family or friends about a safe place to stay temporarily? It's so helpful when you have a strong support network around you.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:30 PM
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We cannot tell you not to go home. If that's what you really want to do, then that's what you will ultimately end up doing. The thing about leaving is that if you do it before you are truly done, then chances are, you'll end up going back. If you're not done, you're not done. Just like the drinker or the addict.

We just want you and your daughter to be safe and happy. If it takes another round in the same house as your husband, then that's what it takes. Just remember we are here to support you either way.
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Old 02-16-2011, 03:38 PM
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I just looked back at your old posts - especially the ones where you talk about the situation with your husband. He is smoking meth. If nothing changes... nothing changes. Drug induced psychosis and paranoia can be very dangerous.

Seriously. What was your reason for leaving?
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Old 02-16-2011, 07:48 PM
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Meth Please be very careful, and I completely second what hello-kitty said. You have absolutely no power over whether or not he recovers. If loving an addict enough were a magic cure, none of us would be here.

You have our support regardless of what you do, I just hope you will keep yourself and your child safe.

Huge hugs, HG
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Old 02-17-2011, 01:44 AM
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as many stated no one can tell you not to go back but also as other have stated please consider the impact going back would have on your child - she is young and cannot make a logical decision about a situation like this - i encourage you not to let her emotions control you any more than you should let your husband's addiction control you - take a breath and think clearly about what is truly best for all of you - sounds like you are the most responsible person in this situation which means you get to make the tough calls - blessings
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Old 02-17-2011, 07:00 AM
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You are all right, it is very difficult for me to make this decision. I have to see him make the first move. I can't subject myself to this anymore and will have to be strong for my daughter and I. He says he's changing spiritually, we'll see. He said he's contacted his drug counselor we'll know of when because I would like to be there with him. He said he's contacted our pastor for counseling, check...our pastor called me and confirmed that he did make that appointment. He said he's contacted my cousin who is an AA counselor - check we'll see if he continues to talk to him. He said he'll be signing up for extra curricular activities in church - we'll see. All these words need to be placed into action. So far 2 of 4 is made.
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Old 02-17-2011, 08:11 AM
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YES! actions not words!Good for you for remembering that..sounds like things are very difficult right now..maybe a new way of looking at "helping" with his recovery would be to stay out of the way..if he's on the right track, let him go do it! Being around someone in early recovery (in my experience) is no picnic..doubtful that your daughter would get the kind of attention she needs at this point.It maight be better for everyone, ypur husband included, if he was allowed to really feel the consequences of his addiction and help himself..
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Old 02-17-2011, 08:19 AM
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You moved out back in August and returned home. A week or so of making nice and the blah blah is not recovery. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Meth is a very dangerous drug and is often associated with rage and violence. Law enforcement has special protocols for dealing with Meth addicts because behaviors are so unpredictable. If the law takes special precautions, imagine how exposed you and your daughter are. At what point does rage turn into physical violence?

I cannot imagine knowingly exposing a child to anyone with an addiction to Meth. Your primary job is to protect her. People loose custody of their children for failing to protect them.

Is your daughter's bio dad in the picture?
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Old 02-17-2011, 09:47 AM
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He is in the picture, and he's no picnic either. He's not in any substance or alcoholic abuse but his situation is pretty disfunctional as well. I'm not going to make excuses for my husband now, but he is wonderful with my daughter. And my daughter does not feel anything is wrong with him nor do I feel that she is in danger with him. His meth use has always been him just staying away at night or just staying in the basement working and working on a project. I know that I have not seen the peek of the dangers, nor do I want to. And he has agreed to seek help for him and for my daughter. He loves her, and he did say he will do the best he can to get us back. Waiting till Saturday until our meeting with the Pastor.
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Old 02-17-2011, 10:40 AM
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No, odor smell. No amonia or litterbox downstairs. The projects are his work projects on the computer. And yes, the minister is familiar with his addiction, and the minister does handle these situations on a daily basis. According to his friend who snitched on him, and told him that he finally told me, that my husband is not as bad as how he used to be, that he has not gotten out of hand with his usage, that's why I have not seen it. Now my husband knows that he's progressively getting worst he seems to know to seek help. He has been this road before without me and helped himself for 4 years. I know he can do it again, and he has shown me the first steps, I need to see more before I can make my move. But I do miss home and so does my daughter.
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Old 02-17-2011, 02:06 PM
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msmelrem,

can i ask why your husband who knows he needs to seek help for his addiction, in order to keep his daughter and the mother of his daughter comfortable, would not let you and your daughter live there?

he goes to recovery, the pastors, the hospital, a detox, his friend who snitched on him.
the salvation army.

why doesnt he let you and your daughter go home and he moves out while he seeks recovery?

Beth
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Old 02-17-2011, 03:01 PM
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He did say he'll live, and we stay there. But the house is his house, not under my name. And I feel that staying there will still give him control over us financially. He wants us to go home, begging for us to go home while he seeks help.
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Old 02-17-2011, 05:05 PM
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Originally Posted by msmelrem View Post

........ my husband is not as bad as how he used to be, that he has not gotten out of hand with his usage, that's why I have not seen it.

Now my husband knows that he's progressively getting worst he seems to know to seek help. He has been this road before without me and helped himself for 4 years. I know he can do it again, and he has shown me the first steps, I need to see more before I can make my move. But I do miss home and so does my daughter.
He's a long time addict. You have no way of really knowing what came before you. Heck, he may not even know. Everyone is non violent until they become violent. Meth is associated with psychosis and permanent brain damage.

Originally Posted by msmelrem View Post
He did say he'll live, and we stay there. But the house is his house, not under my name. And I feel that staying there will still give him control over us financially. He wants us to go home, begging for us to go home while he seeks help.
I am going to wave the little ole BS flag here. He's willing to vacate the house and live elsewhere. What does it matter who owns the house? You said you have $30 which has to cover your expenses for the next 2 weeks and you don't have a back up plan.

And he's begging again, kind of like he did last summer,eh? Nothing changes if nothng changes.

Why would you not take him up on the offer to switch places. Let him figure out where he's going to sleep while you and your daughter move back home? Then use that $30 to change the locks. What's he going to do? Evict you? I don't think so.

No one just snaps out of Meth addiction.
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Old 02-18-2011, 07:38 AM
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Came from counseling last night. He was diagnosed with PTSD. He was brutally honest with his usage, and with whatever else that he's repressing or issues. Counselor did say that she doesn't think he's an addict, what causes him to use is his PTSD? I think she got confused with, the reason why he has PTSD is because of his addiction. But no, she said that the neurons in his brain has shut down which results to him wanting to find a way to keep himself up and wanting to accomplish tasks right away. First plan of attack according to the counselor is - No alcohol, which triggers his wants to use. I asked about his accountability, she said he will realize his accountability going through this treatment. She also told us that he needs to go see a psychiatrist. I'm moving back home to help him through this, but I am also seeking a counselor so I can help me go through this with him.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:33 PM
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Originally Posted by msmelrem View Post

She also told us that he needs to go see a psychiatrist.
Code speak for medicating him.
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Old 02-18-2011, 09:46 PM
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Originally Posted by outtolunch View Post
Code speak for medicating him.
Well, sure outtolunch, he needs a good tranquilizer to stop shaking over the meth.

msmelram,

I know that I have not seen the peek of the dangers, nor do I want to. And he has agreed to seek help for him and for my daughter.
Please learn what you can about meth addiction. It is no joke.
I have seen many shows about addiction, crack and meth are the worst.
It is not something you "dabble" with, you are hooked.

Do you know how he is using it?
Usually, you snort it, then smoke it, then shoot it.
It is an equal opportunity destroyer.

Beth
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