JMFburns

Just as I feared, I spoke of my RAS's job and he was let go after only 1 week! It was a newly opening hotel, and my guess is they were in panic mode and had people work to help them clean for the opening today . . . then with no reservations yet, started letting people go.

To top it off, his new girlfriend of only 3 months broke up with him today. This is upsetting him more than the job, she was his life line (his words). He received voicemail messages from both the girlfriend and the job at the exact same time . . . what are the odds?!? He, of course, thinks it is the end of the world, he has nothing to live for, how is he supposed to go on, etc. etc. etc.

I told him I have confidence in him, I am proud of the way he has been living his life, if he keeps taking the next right step things will work out, his HP is there for him - it only pisses him off.

I'm trying to remain serene, not to panic, turn it over to God - but it hurts. Why can't things just go right, when will things ever go right??? I want him to succeed at something, I pray that he'll start feeling good about himself, his life.

Why, I want to cry, why??? It isn't as bad as that, it is only one afternoon of poop - it's not a whole life. But ya know how it feels sometimes.

outtolunch

Poop is a very real part of life. Taking the long view and learning to sit with it is all a part of the never ending process of growing up.

I don't believe in jinxes. I have a challenging enough time controlling myself and my own reactions, let alone a universe of hopeful thinking. Peace.

litehorse

i'm sorry your son is having a rough time - my prayers will be with him and with you as you both work your recovery

greeteachday

As much as I know I can't control it and I work my own program, it does feel crummy when poop happens. I still get that feeling of a rock in my stomach if my daughter has lots of junk happen all at once..Fortunately, it now only lasts a short while as opposed to the endless sleepless nights worrying about things I could not control that I used to experience.

One thing that has helped me is to try to change the feeling of why to wondering what wonderful adventure will this turn of events bring into her life...Most times I try to keep that to myself while she is feeling the pain and just be an ear to listen if she wants..I've learned that encouraging her to focus on the positive really backfires when she is still trying to stand back up. I can relate...when crummy things happen, I need to process before I am ready to be open to possibilities.

Prayers for you and your son.

ready2learn

I think your RAS has to change the tape that's playing in his head. Part of recovery is learning new ways of thinking, him learning to give himself positive messages instead of sometimes making the picture blacker than it is (and if it's black enough, why not turn to drugs again because the world is against him?). The positive thing is that he did have a job, even if it only lasted a week, and it wasn't his fault that it ended. It's a job experience he can put on applications, and if he performed well, they'll give him a recommendation, or he may be eligible for re-hire at some point in the future. That's the way he needs to be thinking. He found that job, he'll find another. As for the girlfriend, well heartache stinks, but we've all been there. He has to learn that a girlfriend is not a crutch - he doesn't have to fall without her. I've always told my AS in similar situations that it's better to find out early on if the relationship isn't going to work. It just means she wasn't the right girl, who is still out there somewhere waiting for him to discover her. And he'll have a lot more choices for girlfriends if he sticks with recovery, cause the number of women who are looking for irresponsible, confused, self-centered addicts probably isn't that high.
Good luck to you, and to him.

anaserene

I'd say the opposite is true. There are many of us co-dependent women out there. I believe co-dependent characteristics are concomitant with the stereotypical sex role associated with femininity in the US.

Kindeyes

Oh my.....I'm so sorry that so much poop happened all at once. I understand how you feel. It's hard to see someone you love in pain. It's hard (but important) to step back and let them process it.

I don't believe in jinx's either. Even when we don't understand it, the universe is unfolding as it should. One day at a time.......that's all we can do. Please know that we are here for you. You and your dear son will be in my prayers.

gentle hugs

JMFburns

Thanks for all of the replies. I had internet connectivity trouble over the weekend so, unfortunately, was not able to read any until Monday morning...

My RAS made it through the weekend, I talked with in each evening - just a check in to say "goodnight". He waffled between total despair, questioning it all, strength to endure, etc., etc.

I did ok w/myself. I went to my AlAnon meeting Friday night and worked my PT job both Sat. and Sun. so kept myself busy and focused on something other than pity. A friend from work delivered two small loveseats to my apt. on Sat. evening that were her grandmother's, I had been without furniture for about 2 weeks. So I'm loving them and even hung some pictures on my apt. wall - I moved there in Sept. and haven't had much ambition to "make it my own" yet.

Thank you again for the thoughtful and supportive replies and your prayers are much appreciated . . . our HP works in wonderful ways!!!

Joan

keepinon

Glad you kept the focus on yourself and it all worked out.I think in the past, my weakest moments have been when i anticipate some emotional upheavel in my daughter that I think she can't take, want to help her avoid, etc. but I have discovered she's alot tougher than I thought and that my rushing in to "help" was just prolonging whatever was meant to happen..

wicked

Yep, my daughter too.
the more i let go, and just listen when she wants to vent,
the less she needs me!