litehorse

i try hard to stay in the moment, remember who is in control and that it is not me, and be grateful for all things but the last couple of days i am having a hard time shaking a feeling of sadness - my AS is in prison due to crimes he committed while on meth and xanax - he is doing well and has a good attitude and talks of his resolve to do things differently in his life - i know until he has to live the decisions his making now out here things are kind of on hold --

chicory

litehorse,

I can understand completely your sadness. I was thinking just recently that even if we are detached, we would feel sadness. To detach with love would include still loving, caring and hurting for their hurts, in my thinking.

I am sorry you are going through this. I try to remember , and I dont often remember, to stay out of HP's way, and let them reap the consequences of their actions. Just remember,even tho he committed the crime in a drugged state of mind, no one made him take those drugs. and most of us know that people on drugs do bad things sometimes, so he was aware of the possibilities most likely. Now , he knows first hand what drugs do to the mind and body.

Just take care of you, and rest easier, knowing he cannot overdose there, or commit more crimes, and he is sober, and thinking about his life, so that is a good thing. Praying for him and you, too.

sending mom hugs,
chicory

Sunshine2

Litehorse, whilst I can go happily about my days most of the time, some days the sadness are there and some days the sadness are really deep. I think sadness now and again are understandable as we continue to mourn the loss of our children as we once knew them.

It is possible for your son to come out of jail and live the way he now wants to. Whether he does or not remains between him and his HP.

(((((hugs)))))

Time4Me1

I too feel sad.I have been detached in the sense of closing the door on the relationship, but being detached emotionally is allot harder. I have days when I am just fine, productive, happy even and then other days of complete misery and dysfunction. I seem to still be stuck in obsessing over him, the loss, what he is doing. I obsess over him moving on with someone else and being happy while I am alone and stuck. I dont know how to rebuild my life alone. I dont want to date, I dont want to do things alone, I dont want to do much of anything. Maybe its time to go to therapy. Why is it so hard for some people to be alone??????????????????????????

keepinon

Litehorse..we all have sad days..andrthat's ok..we have a program we can continue to work even when we are sad..that always brings me peace..

litehorse

thank all of you for your encouraging words - i know we all know the sadness of missing our children and the dreams we once had for them - i am an eternal optimist and believe with all my heart that my son as well as all the others in his situation have every possibility of a new and wonderful life - i know it is up to each individual to make the decisions that will move lives toward that - love you all and pray for you and your loved ones daily -

Wisher

((litehorse))

I too understand your sadness, sometimes I think its okay to go ahead and feel it, then pick yourself up and put it away for a while. My son is in jail now, after turning himself in on the warrant he's had for the last 6 months. I totally agree with Chicory on staying out of HP's way. In the past, I would've begged HP for a miracle, so that AS wouldn't go to jail, etc. Now, I know it is up to HP and my son for him to straighten out his life and paying for his past mistakes is key in learning. I pray for him but I no longer tell HP exactly what He needs to do. lol.

Anyway, my prayers and hugs. I hope your sadness lifts real soon.

litehorse

the amazing thing about God is that he usually has something so much better in mind than i can even imagine - sometimes the path to it is difficult but the destination is worth it - i've thought many times about times i've heard of addicts going through years of addiction and it never becomes a legal issue so nothing really changes for them - so not having legal issues is really not a good thing in that situation if that is what it would take to open their eyes - it really becomes a paradigm (sp?) change - thank you all for your prayers for me and my son - i visited him today and he is still doing very well where he is - i told him we would use his income tax return money to pay some old debts and he said of course use it however you want to -

Kindeyes

litehorse
I also understand your sadness. I feel it too sometimes. But keeping busy helps me to keep my mind off of what I cannot control. You and your son are in my prayers.

gentle hugs

Impurrfect

(((Litehorse))) - I'm glad you got to visit with him yesterday, and he is doing well. I think we all have sad days. I would like a rewind button to hit, and take me back to when I first got with XABF#1, because that's when all my codie stuff took off full force...then came the addiction...now the consequences.

I always try to remember the saying that goes something like "you can't appreciate the rainbow, if you don't go through the storm".

I'm doing the detaching thing, practically on an hourly basis, on codie stuff in my home. I go through feeling sad, angry, frustrated, then get back to "this is out of my control" and peace. The drunken/drugged rampage my niece threw, when here the last time, has been downplayed, and that makes me sad.

No "normal" person ever says, to themselves, "thank God, their in jail/prison/rehab/treatment" and it's a bittersweet feeling, or at least to me.

You and your son remain in my prayers.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy