logbrock

I last posted about bumping into my ex-partner and how sad it made me feel.
I still haven't contacted him, but I'm starting to feel weaker and weaker inside and miss him so much, that I have started to consider whether or not to get in touch with him.
Really I would like it if I didn't feel this way but I do, even though it's been about 17months now since we parted.
When will I stop thinking about him?

atalose

I believe in one of your previous posts you mentioned that you were together for 20 years, that’s a lot of time, a lot of emotional investment. And in the big scheme of things, 17 months is still newly broken up, after 20 years you don’t just get over it and move on.

When I first started coming here to SR I learned that you should never look to the most damaged person in your life to help you or ease your unsettled emotions. And in this case it would be like calling more gasoline to throw on the fire.

I am newly an ex, I moved out in Nov and then ended all contact with him in December. It’s about 7 weeks now and I struggle with my emotions every minute of each day. Some times I feel strong and keep the focus on ME then comes my weak times where I keep the focus on HIM.

I recently read on another thread, our emotions are like the tides, accept that there will be highs and lows. I’m focusing on when those lows hit to work my way through them knowing the tide will have to eventually change.

tam

I understand how you feel and having to fight the urges of contacting them. I was married 26 years and now seperated since dec.2009. all the times we did communicate it never turned out good. everytime we saw each other again it didnt do any good, why? because nothing changed with him. if anything I have changed. I wont tolerate it anymore. yeah I miss him, very much so, but I miss the person he once was.
tomorrow I have to see him in court. Im a nervous wreck as I would be lying to say it wont affect me. I just prayed to my HP to get me through the meeting and comfort me and give me strength to remain in control of myself.

it sure is difficult but please know that for YOU its the best. what usually helps me is to revisit all the times we did have contact and how nothing changed, if anything it was like going back to square one for me and bringing me down all over again to just like it was living with it.

stay strong!

MsPINKAcres

what helped me deal with the loneliness or the want to see him one more time was "walking thru the experience" in my mind ~ and doing it honestly!

The seeing him, talking to him, visiting with him, the good and then remembering the TRUTH - the quacking, the lies, the half-truths, the seeing him under the influence, the reality of having to go back to my defensive behaviors (hiding my cash, keys, checks, medicine, phone, etc.)
BECAUSE HE hasn't done anything to change - he is still the same addict/alcoholic that I left ~ so what am I really missing - the dream of what I had hoped we would have some day???

I decided I would allow my time to be spent missing the dream of something I had never had and ask my HP to also open my eyes to a new dream, a new life and new possibilities - He did and it did happen -

That's just how I got thru that time -

PINK HUGS to you!
Rita

logbrock

Thank you for your replies.
I have tried all sorts of different ways to try and cope with my feelings and my urges to contact him, I cry at least twice a day (Still)!! and think about him on and off daily.

Even though there were some bad times regarding his addiction, he hid most of it from me, so I didn't see him high on stuff, and he didn't steal from me. I genuinely thought we could work through it all.
I'm still bewildered by it all, it seems unreal (even though I know it isn't) that he has chosen this way of life.
Deep inside of me no matter what I'm doing or where I am the feeling of sadness never really goes away for long.