Iam so angery
lesa
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: parkersburg wv
Posts: 157
Iam so angery
All that money he spent and now I have to live with my daughter..he acts i did something wrong..this is him and he wants a beer..I have so much anger that it is hate toward him..sick of have to give up places causes he cant give up yhe crack ..he wants to drink and he knows he cant drink and all that is he wants drugs anything..told him to choose i lost of course...i fell nothing but hate ..and not sure what to do ..i know this is not healthy
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
Hi Lesa,
I'm sorry you are hurting and angry. Sometimes, anger can motivate us to make the changes we need to make in order to find a better way forward in life.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some time to work out a plan that is best for you!
I wanted to attach this message that Ann has placed as a "sticky" at the top of the forum. It is pretty self-explanatory, and I hope that it will help you to understand just a bit about what it is to be an addict (as much as any of us can who are not addicts).
Remember, you are not alone! Hugs, HG
I'm sorry you are hurting and angry. Sometimes, anger can motivate us to make the changes we need to make in order to find a better way forward in life.
Be kind to yourself and allow yourself some time to work out a plan that is best for you!
I wanted to attach this message that Ann has placed as a "sticky" at the top of the forum. It is pretty self-explanatory, and I hope that it will help you to understand just a bit about what it is to be an addict (as much as any of us can who are not addicts).
What Addicts Do
This post has been reposted so many times that I thought I would sticky it here at the top. Jon posted this some time ago, in response to the many questions of "why" that were asked by those who love an addict. I thank Jon for sharing this so honestly and hope it will help others understand what addicts do.
Quote:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
This post has been reposted so many times that I thought I would sticky it here at the top. Jon posted this some time ago, in response to the many questions of "why" that were asked by those who love an addict. I thank Jon for sharing this so honestly and hope it will help others understand what addicts do.
Quote:
What Addicts Do
My name's Jon. I'm an addict. And this is what addicts do. You cannot nor will not change my behavior. You cannot make me treat you better, let alone with any respect. All I care about, all I think about, is my needs and how to go about fufilling them. You are a tool to me, something to use. When I say I love you I am lying through my teeth, because love is impossible for someone in active addiction. I wouldn't be using if I loved myself, and since I don't, I cannot love you.
My feelings are so pushed down and numbed by my drugs that I could be considered sociopathic. I have no empathy for you or anyone else. It doesn't faze me that I hurt you, leave you hungry, lie to you, cheat on you and steal from you.
My behavior cannot and will not change until i make a decison to stop using/drinking and then follow it up with a plan of action.
And until I make that decsion, I will hurt you again and again and again.
Stop being surprised.
I am an addict. And that's what addicts do.
__________________
Have A Great 24
-jon
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Originally Posted by lesa 
told him to choose i lost of course...i fell nothing but hate ..and not sure what to do ..i know this is not healthy
I see you have been front row center to this show for at least 6 years, now.
This is long enough to grasp that you did not cause this. You cannot control this or him. And you most certaintly cannot cure this or him.
Only thing you have control over is yourself. The more we focus on other people's problems, the less we focus on our own issues. And we all have issues.
You can accept him as is, crack and all, or not. It's the tween part that's pure hell-o.
You have the power to remove yourself from this situation, when you decide you are worth more than than this BS.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
There is no time on this ? you can come here to vent. Six years is a long time time to deal with an addict in your life. Unlike some of the newcomers here you know the reprecussions of living with a crack addict. The disease only progresses. We are so consumed by the addicts actions, we loose sight of who we are. You have already started your recovery by coming here. Of course your angry! but nothing will change if you dont start working on yourself. It took me 6 years to finally detach, my bottom was I was just as sick as AS. Angry, depressed, financially nearly drained & tired of living in that chaotic world. DOC crack if couldnt get crack then would drink a vicious circle. Do you have any naranon meetings in the area? Keep posting here so many knowledgeable people that have been exactly where you are. ((((hugs & prayers)))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Lesa
If I'm understanding your post correctly, you have moved out and are living with your adult daughter. If that is correct, you have taken a very bold step and it takes a lot of courage. Your anger most likely gave you the courage you needed.
There is no time limit when you live with or love an addict. We all walk our path in our own time and there is no judgement of you. Some of us have dealt with the addict in our lives for much much longer than six years. And some choose to continue to live with or keep the addict in their lives but seek the serenity, courage and strength to do so through 12 step programs such as Alanon or Naranon.
The others are right though.....as much as it feels like it....he doesn't drink or do drugs to spite you. It's a disease....an insideous and tricky disease. But if we don't take care of ourselves first, it's a disease that will take us down too.
We understand your anger. We understand your pain. We understand your frustration and fears. We offer our hands out to you in friendship and support.
gentle hugs
If I'm understanding your post correctly, you have moved out and are living with your adult daughter. If that is correct, you have taken a very bold step and it takes a lot of courage. Your anger most likely gave you the courage you needed.
There is no time limit when you live with or love an addict. We all walk our path in our own time and there is no judgement of you. Some of us have dealt with the addict in our lives for much much longer than six years. And some choose to continue to live with or keep the addict in their lives but seek the serenity, courage and strength to do so through 12 step programs such as Alanon or Naranon.
The others are right though.....as much as it feels like it....he doesn't drink or do drugs to spite you. It's a disease....an insideous and tricky disease. But if we don't take care of ourselves first, it's a disease that will take us down too.
We understand your anger. We understand your pain. We understand your frustration and fears. We offer our hands out to you in friendship and support.
gentle hugs
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