tam

wanted to post and hear about any success stories from surviving divorce due to addiction. Im having a hard time not only losing him but going through the divorce process and thinking about my future. Im going to be hurting financially from this and add the emotional hurt and Im all messed up. Im currently fighting to remain in the house and often think well what for?to be lonely? I just have doubt that I will be happy or even find anyone (im 51) and it scares me. everyone that were in our life are all involved with their families and I feel lost.
I feel damaged (like the song) and right now Im not thinking about dating cause I would probaly scare any good fella away, but it does enter my mind about the future.
my therapist asked me last week why I think this happened and what the future holds for me and I answered "a prince charming will come into my life" ha! if only!!
guess this has all taken a toll on me and I just wanted to know if it gets better, I know of course there are no guarantee answers,but just looking for hope. do the scars really heal? do you love again? do you share your life again with someone? do you really ever let go and move on? I asked this question in my divorce support group but no one is divorced over addiction its mostly adultery and although Im sure that isnt pleasant or easy I just seem to be different or maybe Im wrong?

Ann

I have nothing to offer on this subject, but wanted to stop by to drop off a hug.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

Kindeyes

tam
I divorced my exhusband about 28 years ago. My son was 1-1/2 when we separated. My ex was a nice guy and very talented musician but he smoked a LOT of pot and drank a LOT of beer/wine. Beyond that he didn't work (I was the sole support) and he wouldn't take care of our son while I worked because "he wasn't a babysitter". Yup. He really said that.

About two years after my divorce, I met my knight in shining armor--my current husband. I was so damaged by the relationships with males (father, brother, ex, etc.) that I didn't know how to deal with a healthy man with healthy attitudes. We've been married now for almost 26 years. He is still supportive, gentle and kind. I love him with all of my heart and I have no doubt that he loves me too.

So...to answer your question......is there life after divorce when drugs or alcohol were involved.......yes......and it comes when you least expect it.

I hope you are able to utilize this time to take care of yourself and find new friends and explore new hobbies. It's a wonderful opportunity to reinvent yourself.

gentle hugs

rose

Hi Tam,
Just to let you know that I am only a couple of years beyond what you are going through. I have walked in your shoes. My life torn right apart from my husbands addiction. I guess really it is going on 3 years now since we divorced. I know the gloomy feelings and the scared feelings to, but you do push on through it. I did managed to keep the house through the divorce, but I did sell it and downsized to a home that was much more manageable to look after. I found the loss of friends really hard, it is just that our lives became so different. I have dated and was seeing a man, but it turned out I didn't really like what I was seeing in him after a year. I had to become honest with myself why I was keeping on seeing him....I was afraid to be alone. How am I to ever become whole again if I lived behind this fear of being alone. I am not sure why, but we all seem to feel it, that we need a partner for happyness.

Kindeyes spoke so true, utlize this time to care for yourself, find new friends and explore new hobbies. I think branching out just a bit at a time and we will start to feel and see knew opportunities for ourselves, even if it just a night class on cooking Chinese Food, it is a step out.

Rose