Kindeyes

Well......long story short......my son has relapsed and he has been asked to move out if he is not going to continue an active recovery program. My HP has been by my side, helping me and guiding me to say the right words without anger. To state my boundaries quietly but clearly. To maintain my serenity.

I do not feel like I have to push or rush or create drama. But I know what has to be done and am prepared to do it.

Very thankful for Naranon SESH book and my HP today.

gentle hugs

Impurrfect

(((Kindeyes))) - I'm sorry he relapsed, but so very glad to hear that you are able to do what you need to, for YOUR serenity. Something about our heads, hearts, and guts all being the same page is a pretty good feeling, no matter what other feelings we are going through.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Dignity

Hi Kindeyes, I'm so sorry your son relapsed. Its such a disappointment when that happens. I'm also happy that you have control over your emotions and can state the facts without anger. My son relapsed a few weeks ago and I haven't seen him. I'm praying that both our sons can find their way back and that we can hang on to some sort of serenity. Hugs~

Ann

It's sad when they continue in and out of the revolving door of addiction/recovery.

And if we have a front row seat, we just get dizzy trying to keep up.

When I went through times like this it helped me to stick close to my support, my meetings, and my HP. The beautiful thing about recovery is that we don't have to do it alone.

Big hugs from one mama to another.

sojourner

Well done Kindeyes! Your recovery is shining through loud and clear. Your message to your son is a light shining in his darkness.

I was thinking the other day that because I've been able to move out of the insanity of my son's addiction, somehow that has all been put back on him which is a good thing because it will move him to want to get out of it for himself.

So I'm praying that your son feels the heat all by himself because you have decided to get out of the kitchen!

greeteachday

I'm so sorry to hear that your son relapsed, but I am so glad that you didn't relapse with him.It's easier to work the program when things are calm...So glad you have the tools and know how to use them when the ride is a bit bumpier. Praying for you and yours

tjp613

Drugs suck.

lightseeker

I'm sorry to hear about your son's relapse but glad that you have a strong program in place for you. As time goes on I'm convinced that our own recovery is truly the best chance that we have for us and for our loved ones that struggle with substance abuse.

Spiritual Seeker

(((Kindeyes))) such sad news that S relapsed. I feel for him and for you.
Oh how I hope better days are ahead. Addiction is awful !!!!

Kindeyes

Wow. Today has been strange. Really strange. Detachment is strange. I found out some things today that in the past would have left me a crying sobbing mess. But I'm ok. I fully accept that my son has relapsed and I have no control. I feel a calm peace. I'm not angry. I'm not......anything. And it's not because I'm numb. It's a neutral zone.

The next few days should be very interesting. I feel like I am watching the plot unfold in slow motion.

Thanks for your kind words.

gentle hugs

Dignity

Kindeyes, You just said it perfectly. "Watching the plot" unfold in slow motion. I still feel like I'm mouring someone who is still here. I'm really close to my son so letting go is a very hard for me.....but I do know that this is the best thing for both of us.

chicory

(((Kindeyes)))

thinking of you, praying for both of you, and sending a big hug. No, a bunch of hugs.

chicory

Kindeyes

I slept like a baby last night. It felt so good. I am rested.

AS went "to play soccer" last evening and never came home. He's been staying out all night a lot in the last week.

DH and I know that he will avoid us like the plague and trying to talk to someone in full blown addiction is impossible. I'm sure that AS won't like being told that he has to move out but, as we have heard so often around here, we aren't his only option. That's obvious. He is staying somewhere on those nights that he doesn't come home, right?

So...here's my concern. Asking him to move out seems to put the control in his hands. It would be the polite thing to do....to ask nicely and try to have an adult conversation about it. But really.......is that possible when someone is in full blown addiction? We are considering simply moving his stuff out and into a small storage unit. We could provide him with a key (and we'll keep one since the unit would be in our name). We could then give him three months to get his stuff out of the storage unit and at the end of the three months, anything left in it will be given to Goodwill.

I don't know what will happen over the next 24 - 48 hours. But it is going to be interesting. And I'll take it as another opportunity to learn from my HP. I sure hope he has his hands on the steering wheel......because I don't.

Drugs do suck. Alcohol sucks. Relapse sucks. But my life doesn't. It's a good life and I'm going to live it.

I'm ok guys.

gentle hugs

keepinon

i think any way you want to let him know is fine..i personally have moved stuff to the street and said..get it if you want it..she always got it..sometimes(most of the time) actions speal louder than words and if you want control over when the stuff gets moved and minimize the drama the storage plan sounds like a good way to do that..i agree with you..talking to someone in active addiction..fairly pointless..they are in "getting my needs met" zone.

Kindeyes

The straw that broke the camels back.........stolen property. Given to my AS by another addict. Stolen from his parents. They were at my Naranon meeting last night--newcomers -- we know of each other as our son's are friends and my daughter use to date one of their other sons. This was the first time we had talked with each other though.....we just knew each other through our children.

When they told me that their son had stolen guns, heirloom jewelry, and other items from their home...... it clicked with me. AS told me that his friend (their son) had given him an antique gun last week. I knew at that moment that it was probably stolen but didn't jump to conclusions. At the time he showed me this, I didn't put him through the Spanish inquisition. Instead, I prayed (I do a lot of that these days) and was patient. Lo and behold.......the family shows up at our Naranon meeting last night. God works in very mysterious ways indeed.

I described the gun to them and sure enough.....it was one missing from their collection. I went home, got the gun, and returned it to them.

Stolen property in my house is not ok. Active addiction in my house is not ok.

I'm not really surprised anymore about the depths to which an addict will go to support their addiction. I've read too much about it here on SR. My heart goes out to the family who was victimized by their own son. They are in shock.

Although I get no sense of eminent danger, there is always an undertone of concern when drugs are involved. As I stated before, it will be interesting to see how the next 24-48 hours unfold. I am trusting that my HP will guide me. Give me the words. Help me stay calm and serene. Invoking anger and anxiety are the greatest weapons the addict can use against us. Calm serenity is our best defense against those weapons.

Thank you all for your support, prayers, well wishes.........SR and all of you help me more than you will ever know.

gentle hugs

Chino

Kindeyes, your recovery is full of love and grace. My prayers are with you and your family.

tam

Kindeyes, Im so sorry to read about your sons relapse. I dont know what to say to you and other parents on here as Im not dealing with a child addict,but I truly feel for you all. I cant imagine what your all are going through, please know you are all in my thoughts and prayers. I think of you all each day.
thankfully there are meetings and this forum for parents ,you all certainly deserve comfort and guidance.
hugs to you kindeyes and every parent on here as well..

Sunshine2

Kindeyes, I am really sorry that your son relapsed. Every time one of our loved ones are in recovery, it gives us all hope. The way you are dealing with it is wonderful.

The danger sometimes don't come from our own children. Although my son's temper did scare me many times, I also had 2 incidents of mean-looking characters showing up at my house having huge screaming arguments with my son. Only much later did I put 2 and 2 together and realised they must have been drug dealers.

Thank you for continuing to share your recovery with us. It is good to see an example of loving detachment.

keepinon

my little angel wouldn't come home for a few days after it was clear she had fully relapsed..finally just sent her a text..detaching with love that said "it's time for you to be on your own" I was suprised at myslef since i love to endlessly belabor a point and beat a dead horse, but the simple line took care of it and i wasn't hating myself after(you appear to be alot more even tempered than i can am) but it was a really big step for me about 1 year and 2 weeks ago..

tjp613

The thing is, too, that letting them go without lecturing, yelling, begging, pleading, belittling, etc. gives them no more excuses to go out and get high. They will anyway, of course, but not because you called them horrible names, demeaned their character and told them what a lowly piece of **** they are. You are simply saying, "You have the right to live your life however you see fit. Unfortunately I can't be a part of it. I will pray that God keeps you safe. I love you. Goodbye and be well." It's really a beautiful thing when you think about it. It's all about the Dignity.

You are a shining example for us Kindeyes and I'm so happy you are here sharing with us. I hope you can 'feel' the support and prayers we are sending out to you. (((Mom-Hugs)))