MLN

Thank you everyone for the feedback and support. I spoke with him last night about waiting until he is farther into recovery to get married. As far as codependency...i guess i should pick up the book, maybe i am, i'm not sure. We had three years together before any of this started, in those three years he was my partner and best friend, i didn't go into a relationship with any of this present. when the money started going missing, i protected myself...have my own bank account that he can't take from, made sure my own bills were always paid. i understand i can't change him and dont exepct too. at the same time, while he is actively pursueing getting better...going to NA, going to counseling, ect. i guess im willing to at least take a wait and see approach and not just run. i would have no intention of marrying him if his intentions were to use, seeing him want so badly to be free of all this makes it harder. i'm working on detaching with love and not joining him on this emotional rollcoaster.

Chino

Good for you!

You said you wouldn't consider marrying him if his intention was to use, but that is exactly what's happening right now. Recovery doesn't begin until they stop using and start resolving what lead them down that road in the first place.

It can take up to a year or longer to heal the brain damage from addiction. Often times the recovering addict is not the same person we used to know, once they change the thought patterns and behaviors that contributed to their addiction.

Please keep working on you

MsPINKAcres

((MLN))

I am so glad you are attending meetings and extremely happy that your BF is attending NA meetings also.

These are great steps in the right direction and prayerfully they will bring both of you on a continued path of recovery.

There are many people that suffer from this disease that get into recovery and MAKE IT ~ we have the blessing of having them as part of our members on this site.

I would like to offer a suggestion - something I learned in my recovery -

You said. . . would have no intention of marrying him if his intentions were to use, seeing him want so badly to be free of all this makes it harder. i'm working on detaching with love and not joining him on this emotional rollcoaster.

My exah and my daughter ~ who are both alcoholics & addicts - had great INTENTIONS about staying clean and sober, about being honest, about not stealing, about not going to jail (my daughter has been in jail 4 times) about really working a program of recovery - and intentions about NOT relapsing this time ~ but their disease had other intentions.

I had to learn to base my decisions on Actions not intentions - it was just the healthiest thing to do for myself and actually for them also. It gave them the dignity and self-respect to find their own way with out me getting in their way to enable or prevent them from hitting their own bottom.

My exah is still out there in the depths of his disease, my daughter is still fighting for sobriety - some days she's in recovery some days she's not. BUT she is still trying!

If you want to know about protecting yourself financially, pm me & I'll share my experience on that - My story has been told many times & I'm sure the others are tired of hearing it. Everything I did to protect myself - didn't help - I still had major losses. You want to know the full details, I'll send it to you in a pm.

So please be prepared that the active disease respects no boundary ~ do your best to take good care of YOU - You deserve it - no matter what your choice may be!

PINK HUGS & lots of prayers & good thoughts for your HP's very best for you!!!

Rita