hope2be

Need support right now:
Had to bring my grandaughter to my oldest AC so I could go to work. She already owes me money (for rent), so I thought I did not need to pay her and she could just deduct it from what is owed. I could tell something was wrong, so I just came out and asked. She states I had said when she borrowed the money that I wanted the cash back and I would pay her for babysitting, which is probably correct since in the past I would never see the "borrowed" money again. However, I did not have the money on me and I asked if she wanted me to go and get some cash and pay her. She was angry and said no, that they had no money in the house for the next couple of days and they did not know what they would do. I was getting so many mixed messages in my head and I still do not deal well with anger coming from someone else. So I took my grandaughter and simply told her...I'm not a bank. Usually I just give in and I don't think she expected this from me.

I've given her money more than once in the past 6 months and now that I'm trying to work a program, I just don't want to feel used. She was the only one of my 4 ACs that I thought was OK, but recently I found out that she and her new live-in use drugs "recreationally". I know, I know...why am I leaving my grandaughter with her...because I just can't find anyone else right now. I've put the word out that I need a responsible babysitter. My choices are limited in a rural area...believe me!

So....here I am dealing with all the dysfuction again and I hate it!!

Any word of wisdom?? I'm open to anything!

hello-kitty

Sounds like a lot of drama. I'm sure you'll come up with a solution if you stay focused and don't get sucked in. Maybe you can ask around at work if anyone knows any decent child care providers in the area.

hope2be

UPdate:
I gave this up to my HP (God) and low and behold...a thought came into my head. A neighbor down the street has an adult child who is having a difficult time finding a job. I called and set up an appt with her to come by this afternoon and check it out.
I've thought of this before, but I never liked the thought of letting a "stranger" take care of GD. How sick is that??? I was letting her stay w/dysfunctioning family. Hell...I was probably more dysfunctional!!
I am so glad for my SR community...it gives me a safety net to say what I feel. This somehow lets me think again!
Love to all!

hope2be

Hello-Kitty:
Thanks for the reply....yes, it is a lot of drama and I'm sick of it!!
I'm realizing that my choices are causing a lot of the drama in my life.
If this doesn't work out, I will be asking at my work place. I'm starting a new job next week and that is stressful in itself. I had to change jobs so I could be closer to home. Was doing a 2 hr commute!

atalose

hope2be,

Congratulations on closing the bank to your daughter! That was a great “take the right next step” and so what if she doesn’t like the fact she can’t mooch her “recreational drug” money off of you, that’s her problem.

I hope the babysitter down the street works out for you and if not there are many avenues you can try such as – calling the local high school to see if they have any students needing employment. Call local churches and see if they offer any kind of babysitting service. Call day care centers(not sure of the age of your gd) in the area to find out prices and if there are waiting lists.

See, when we let go of old thinking “only family can watch her” a whole new world opens up to us!!!!!

Good luck!!!!

mooselips

hope2be,
Well aren't you the little smarty pants today! Good thinking!

I love the way you put up that boundary...not being a bank.
Way to go!

And as for a stranger watching the Grand daughter, I have the same kind of thoughts for when we go away, I don't know WHO my grandson's mom will find to watch him, but I'm trusting in her judgement, and in my H.P.

Hope the person downs the street works out for you....but I have a good feeling...

MsPINKAcres

wahoooo!!

Isn't it amazing how when we take the focus off the drama - the answers seem to appear - Our Higher Power at work again!!!

Great recovery post - thanks for sharing!!!

oh & congrats on closing the BANK! another great feeling!!

Good luck with the new babysitter!!!

PINK HUGS!

hope2be

Thanks to all for the pat on the back (gave myself one too) and the ideas. I realize that sometimes you just have to reach out and not think I can handle everything on my own.

I also lined up another babysitter yesterday. Will interview her this weekend.

I'm trying not to stress on all the new decisions I'm making...kinda of going out on a ledge for me. I will trust in my HP to guide me in the decisions I am making. Then I don't feel so alone.
Big Huggs

kilt

In future you need to tell people what you have in mind and discuss it with them before you make decisions that affect them. Without asking her, you decided that it would be okay to drop off your grandchild without pay so she could work off her rent. If she can't come up with rent money, how stressed out must she be about coming up with money for food, necessities, and stuff.

I am not saying that you should have paid her cash. What you should do in future, to prevent such nasty exchanges, is share what is in your mind with others before you act. People can't honor your boundaries if you don't tell them "Hey, you already owe me money and I feel that this is your working off the debt. What do you think of this arrangement?". To keep stressful situations off your plate you need to do some prearranging with people. You might want to sit down with your daughter and ask her what her financial situation is and what she and her guy are doing to make it better. Help them to find work to pay you back so they are pissed off about money.

hope2be

Kilt: you are quite right! My boundaries need to be clear b/f I interact with anyone. And...they need to be clear in my mind first!
I've been so wishy-washy in the past...saying I will do this and not carrying through. I had to take a look at all of this and see how I could handle this better in the future.
Thanks for the insight...