Pretty Empty feeling
 

After dealing with drugs and all the aftermath that happens I have finally realized I can't help my son fix himself anymore. I feel so numb. Drugs are so much stronger than all the love in the world. But to be a mom and not be able to help him is hard to deal with. Alanon is Ok but it deals with fixing ME~~~~I want to fix him...I know~~~step away. This is the third time and we know what to do but just reaching out to you all is what I need today. I woke up crying and maybe thats a good thing. Gotta get those tears out. I'm just praying that my son is smart enough not to dwell in harms way too long cause this time there is no cushion...thanks for being here. You all have no idea how much this site means to me. Hugs~

Hi Dignity,

I am feeling pretty empty today too. I know I have had days like this before and that it too shall pass. Though while you are sitting in it, it sucks. Sending out hugs to you.

Hilc~~you have alot on your plate but somehow we have to get on with one day at a time....but holy cow~ its difficult at times.

Hiya Dig,
You know what? It seems like you and me are in the same boat, making OURSELVES feel bad, because we have kids who make wrong decisions, and have addiction.
Crying, wasting OUR lives because, for the life of us, our deep, internal Codi-ism cannot figure out how to save our grown up children. (well grown up is kind of a goal)

But anyway, maybe we just have to get mad enough, or read step 1 a zillion times, and just give up the fight to our H.P.
The secret is HOW to do that, and still not carry the Codie guilt that says...OH HECK...just one more try...

That being said, we have to BELIEVE in Step 2.

So, for today, I am working on Step 1 and Step 2, and spreading the word....
come join me?

Love ya sweetie........

Hi Moose, I would love to join you. I feel I need to be lead through the steps. I realize I am powerless over my sons addiction but does that mean my life is unmanageable? I have a pretty busy life and seem to do Ok with it~~Except I have taken time away from my husband with all my worrying. Yup~~sounds like I have problems. Your post was a good one and has made me do some thinking here. Thanks~

Today, me and you...taking back OUR lives, dancing to the Steps, and leaving all the worrying and tears, and fretting, and all that such stuff, to our adults childrens H.P.


Amen. :)

Step 1 - I can't
Step 2 - God can
Step 3 - I'll step out of the way & let Him

It's not about giving up on your son - it's about stepping out of the way to open the door of opportunites available to him - our children may never see them with us blocking the pathway! It is the most loving gift you can give him - you will give him a chance for a better life and also a healthier, happier mom - how awesome!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

You all just inspire me so much :grouphug:

I still have my sad days or mad days but they don't last like they used to, when I turn to the steps to sort myself out again.

So I am dancing to the steps with all of you too. :You_Rock_

Just had one of my grandsons for a bit and he always takes me right out of reality. Gotta love those lil guys. Maybe one or two should move in for a while. That'll keep me real busy. Thanks so much for caring. It is going to be a little difficult in the coming weeks for me but I'm going to try and work those steps and get you all dancing with me. I'm trying, I'm trying. Life is so much more fulfilled with friends like you all.....hugs~

honestly, there is never a day that passes that the old empty feeling doesn't raise its ugly head and gives me the old phttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt:( ask any coach - the best defense is a great offense - since i know i will face those feelings at some time (you know, somebody says something; or a set of circumstances come about; etc... and the feelings show up) i plan for it so i'm not knocked completely off my feet - although it takes me a few deep breaths and usually a few tears to regain balance - i pray and i call friends who understand - soon positive thoughts start to come back - i am not trying to sound preachy or like i have everything under control - I don't - just wanted to share my battle plan

I hear you lithorse. I try to stay positive when I'm with others but what gets me feeling sad are all the happy families I see.....just praying that someday my family will be healed and if not~~That I can learn to be happy for what I have already.

during the holidays it was especially hard because every movie was about broken families finding healing - but there was also an element of hope in each story that i held on to - i also pray for healing for my family and all the families hurt by this terrible thing called addiction - a quote my daughter-in-law has on her email inspires me everytime i read it "Lord, if my cup is sweet let me drink it with humility, and if it is bitter let me drink it in communion with you." (i hope i have it right)

Litehorse,
that quote is beautiful.

Dignity, I am praying for good things for your son. And comfort for you.

hugs
chicory

Dignity
Your words really tore at my heart. I understand how desparately you want to fix your son. You want to love the addiction away.....we all do. If it was only that easy.

I am walking this path with you....being the Mom of an adult addict/alcoholic. It's a tough path. But there are many here who walk with us. Many here who have experienced everything that we are experiencing. There are some who have survived the worst possible outcome and are showing us how to continue on with grace.

You are not alone.

gentle hugs from another Mom

Kindeyes, If this lady wins the lottery we are all getting together anywhere for ftf talks. That would be so enlightening for me. Shopping, sitting in the sun together,fancy dinners and hugs before bedtime. A group that knows how the others really feel. I have one great friend that I share with but she hasn't lived this. She never tells me what to do or how to feel. Shes just there and understands in her way how to be the best friend in the world. just like you all~~~.thanks for your words....

I have one great friend that I share with but she hasn't lived this.

I too have this, but they never really understand do they? I mean my bff does as best as she can, but she can never fully understand until she's 'been' there. Always better advice from the 'outside' looking in. I'm guilty of that too. I'm a great advice giver, but notsomuch with the addiction of xah. I tell myself in my head, but my heart or believing him didn't always follow.

Dignity: I too woke up crying many a mornings and when I look back, it was the movtivation I needed to do something. Maybe I needed to cry all that saddness out of me and accept that my family was going to pieces and I needed to let go of the dream of having functioning/responsible ACs ....you know a reality check. This has lead me to finally work Step 1 like my life depended on it, and it does .
With the help of this site, I am making strides to take care of myself. Just last night, I told my AD that no, she couldn't come over and visit with her daughter b/c I needed to take care of myself. Her visits leave me drained. No explanations given, just NO. It felt great! I asked a relative to have my grandaughter sleep over and I slept like a baby.
I'm learning to listen to my inner voice that says "you're tired...take a break" and realize the world will not stop spinning if I jump off for a little while.

Sharing our experience, strength and hope, even anger, saddness and frustration with each other is the best in the world. Sharing our pain of letting go of our adult children, letting them find their own way and having the faith that God is taking care of them is difficult. I couldn't do it alone . . . thankfully I don't have to, you are here to help me.

Hearing reminders to begin at the beginning is helpful. May my HP take be back to enlightenment on steps 1, 2 and 3.

Joan

Hi Joan~~Thanks hon. It just seems we have been on this road for forever. trust will be a hugh issue with me now. My son was doing so well and then the bottom fell out. Back to square one and just feeling so numb. BUT~~~I'm going to try extra hard t stay in the moment and smile.

God has a funny way of putting us where HE wants us WHEN he wants us there. I believe if you step back out of your son's way that will happen. Our lives are divinely orchestrated by our creator and he loves us all....even the ones who are lost. (they need him the most) Hugs and prayers to you :)