katie44

We have a notice of trespassing against AS. Our lives have been pretty quiet without him around. Turns out while Im at work Wed. he shows up at my home. My daughter is home getting ready for work, he is high on crack again. She tells him to leave. He says he needs a sweater. Of course hes got one of his drug buddies waiting for him in the driveway. He leaves.
She goes to work and locks the doors, when we get home every light is on and all the doors are open. Not much missing this time. He stole the change jar, some wine even left his cigarettes on the counter. We cant figure out how he got in. During the day he phones me want my DOB, he calls his sister at work he is supposedly buying me concert tickets needs my DOB( they dont even speak), he calls 2 of our friends needs my DOB? No doubt for fraud purposes. I called the police again. Four hours I waited for them to show up, they never did. Someone calls fron the drug squad. He says because there is no sign of forcible entry there is nothing they can do. Oh and not much taken this time, they would have to catch him on the premises. However they will have a chat with him?
More expenses have to install an alarm. I just wish he would go to jail, consistely gets a slap on the wrist. What a justice system. How violating to go through my stuff again. I am sick over this.
We have done everything to detach from him, and when I think he has gone away hes back. There is nothing he hasnt stolen. Havent slept well the last two days - worried he is going to break in during the nite. Put a rock through the window. Last month my car has boot marks in the side of it. Maybe Im just paranoid it was him but who else would kick in the side of a car. Just when I think he is gone away, hes back.

Ann

Katie, a good alarm system is a good idea, and maybe change the locks because if he didn't break in, he must have made a key. Check all your windows also.

Something I used to do when I suspected someone was coming into my home when I wasn't there, was to leave a $20 on a table near the entrance. If it was gone, I knew.

Also, alert your banks and credit card issuers to ask them to be watchful of your accounts and report any unusual activity to you.

Keep the police involved, even though they seem unhelpful.

It's very sad when we have to take these measures to protect us against our own children. My son stole too and I know the sense of betrayal and anger you feel.

Hugs

katie44

Thanks Ann our lock is a code lock so no key for entry? Still changing it though. Financially drained right now not in a good position. Just can not afford for him to get at our cards or bank accounts again. As for the police, I will just keep calling. Im sure they are getting annoyed, I could care less at least it is noted. AS just wont stop until he is picked up and thrown in jail. Has several court appearances coming up- so I pray he will be going back to jail.

Impurrfect

(((Katie))) - I don't know about your bank or credit cards, but mine have an option to alert you if your card or account has been accessed...mine go by limits (like I have one for anything over $100). I was an idiot, and responded to an e-mail I THOUGHT was from my bank, but realized it immediately. I notified all 3 credit bureaus and they set it up where NO ONE could open an account with my social security number, without my approval. It's all free.

I'm sorry you're going through all this. If I had the money, I'd get darned cameras around the outside of the house so you can PROVE he came in. Of course, since he comes in through windows, doors, whatever, that would probably be costly.

I'm really, really sorry you're having to go through this.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

Dignity

Hi Katie, So sorry your having such a rough time. Hopefully you can get your house locked up well enough that he can't get in again. Can you have any neighbors keep an eye on things while your at work? Its just so darn hard when its our own children that just don't get it. In our case its our son also. He relapsed after almost a year and this time we are pullingback and letting him find his way....hugs~

keepinon

Man this all sucks..just keep taking care of yourself and doing your best to keep your family safe.When I realized my daughter was scamming her GRANDMOTHER I wanted to puke..it's terrible what the drugs do to their minds. Hope you can feel peaceful in your home soon...

MsPINKAcres

Please do whatever you have to do to protect yourself -

it's a shame to have to be filled with fear in your own home - be there done that -

praying you have Peace soon!!

PINK HUGS,
Rita

hello-kitty

Hopefully your daughter is clear that the next time he shows up with a bunch of crackheads in the driveway, she should call 9-1-1 without delay and tell them she thinks she is in physical danger?

katie44

Police went to visit AS of course he denies being in the house. AS calls and leaves a message says next time my spouse or I call the cops he is going to ruin our lives, and call all of our friends let them know that we are perscription drug addicts, will also tell our business customers that we are thieves. Unbelievable, trying to control us again through his manipulative,lying, evil ways. If I take the message to the police again for harrassment, they will do nothing. Praying he gets picked up soon.
Changed the locks on the door, alarm company coming this week. More money. Can't change the cell number we use it for business.
A little concerned these days, he seems like he has totally gone off his rocker. Last Sunday coming out of church it is in the downtown area. I park in the back parking lot - lo and behold I see him 1/2 way across the parking lot. All I could think was did I lock the car? He did not approach us. I know I sound a little paranoid, but he makes me nervous. Has any one else dealt with this type of behaviour?

laurie6781

(((((Katie)))))

With the most recent activities, including the voice message, can you go straight to the court and get a "Restraining Order" placed on your son? I know it could be done here in the states in many states, but not sure about Canada or the laws in the different provinces.

Just wondering, and if you can, would suggest you get one STAT. Your son is progressing in his addiction and only HP knows what he will try next.

Good thoughts and prayers going out for you and your family.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so very much.

Love and hugs,

suki44883

Is a notice of trespassing in Canada the same as a restraining order in the US?

katie44

We have both in Ontario no trespassing, and restraining orders. We have recently filled out the restraining order papers waiting for it to go in front of a JP for signature. Filed the no trespassing right away. Supposed to be in the event, because of his past criminal record ( mostly frauds ) either or if he breaches them should land his butt in jail.
I dont get why we have two different ones? Just because there was no forced entry when he broke in, you would have thought they would investigate.

keepinon

I am really sorry that you are doing all the right things to no avail..it must be frustrating.I am not scared of my daughter, but even though she has moved and been clean for 4 mo. when I hear a car at night I fear it is her convicted felon ex boyfriend....we have had some horrific, scary people brought into out lives due to her drug use.It's really an awful feeling..just sending you good vibes..keep doing what you're doing.........

splendra

((((katie)))))

Surely he will be picked up soon hang in there I know it ain't easy.....

katie44

Get an e-mail yesterday from the police ( fraud ) just to let me know they are extrememly busy and she could not start investigating AS's most recent fraud for at least 8 months. She goes on to say " there are people with more substantial losses then what we have suffured" ours was only 3000.00 last time. His lawyer calls me looking for him and lets me know that they have pushed his other charges off until June. This is unbelievable! He rips off people, breaches his probabtion constantly, breaks in our home and work place and still evades jail time. Had the alarm installed on the house - for some peace of mind. We dont want to see him or speak to him at this point. Coming out of work Wednesday there he is in the parking lot. He approached me begging me for $20.00 for food, when I told him no go to the mission. His verbal crap started again." he hopes his dad and I rot" "pay back is a b....tch" I just got in my car and drove off. My nerves cant take this. Just when I think I'm doing well in my own recovery I slide back. I can not believe this is our sone. I still wake up in disbelief some days.

suki44883

I'm so sorry, katie.

Chino

Hey lady, you ARE doing well!!! You didn't enable and you left. You did the best you could, please recognize that! It will lead you back to serenity

Kindeyes

katie44
I am so sorry. I know how your heart must hurt to know this person you raised is a stranger.

I had an interesting conversation with my son yesterday regarding why addicts steal from their family. We were talking about a friend of his who stole from his own family. My comment was "If he'd steal from his own family, he wouldn't think twice about stealing from me." My son replied "Addicts steal from their families because the fear factor is less....if they get caught....the family won't press charges." The sad thing is, he's right. Many parents won't press charges against a son or daughter.

We have not had any theft problems with our son BUT I don't trust his "friends". Period. We installed a great little surveillance camera in our house that we got at Costco for less than $200 called the MOLE. I can go in and check out my house remotely from any computer anytime. But I like the motion sensor feature the best. I set up a schedule of time that it will take pictures and sends them to my email if it senses motion.

I want to know if anyone is in my house without my knowledge or without my permission. And if so, I have pictures of them to show the police if anything turns up missing. Heck, I've even thought that if they tried to steal the camera itself (it is in plain view), it would take several great pictures of them first that would be retrieved on my email so I'd know who did it!

My son was "insulted" initially when he found out about the camera but.......well....it's my house and I can do anything to it I want to. And he gets to own his own reaction to it.....I don't.

Funny thing is......it caught me in my pj's on my quest for a late night snack last night;-)

lol

Cameras are a great deterrent......it may keep your son from coming to your home unannounced........... and for me.......it might keep me out of the ice cream at night!

gentle hugs

Seren

His approaching you at your car is a violation of the restraining order......perhaps another call to the police would be in order?

Hugs and prayers to you! HG

katie44

I know the verbal crap that comes from his mouth is manipulation. In the past he has broken me. This is the first time my spouse and I have stood firm in our detachment. We did install a camera at work, has deterred him to stay of the property. It's the anger I saw in his face, almost as this young man I raised is a total stranger. Truth is he's been a stranger for years and we were so wrapped up in trying to save him we didnt even notice. His addiction has progressed, never did I feel nervous around him.