helllo
lesa
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: parkersburg wv
Posts: 157
helllo
I know this past 2 weeks that my heart and head are not in this realtionship anymore...He won he killed me inside I fell nothing..I know I lost all trust and respect for him ..the crack and beer won ..I so lost and deppressed ..I am sick all the time an d this was not so till this last time..Is this norm.or iam just not sure what iam saying ..help
Administrator
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: a better place
Posts: 4,047
Lesa, I know you are afraid of whether you can do it on your own, but how has it been to stay? If the situation does not change, you will continue to feel lost and scared and depressed...As the expression goes "nothing changes if nothing changes"
What is one little step you can take for Lesa that will start you on a path to not feel so scared of trying to break this cycle of the pain addiction brings to you?
What is one little step you can take for Lesa that will start you on a path to not feel so scared of trying to break this cycle of the pain addiction brings to you?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: ontario, canada
Posts: 540
I dont want to tell you what to do, but I will tell you as long as he is using crack your life will be in chaos. You will be financially drained, lied to, st,olen from the list goes on. All the thing crack addicts do to keep there addiction alive.You will become just as ill as he is. It is his addiction, only he can seek help. Your depression will get worse and he will continue to make false promises. What you are going through - weve all been through. That is what brought us to this forum. Of course he wants you to stay - does he care that you are becoming ill from his addiction? I can only tell you that you will find strength from within. You have already started the recovery process by coming to this forum. ((((hungs)))))))
Member
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 1,691
Lesa,
I understand your feelings having walked in your shoes. It just sounds like you are experiencing grief. Recognition and awareness are HUGE and just even claiming those feelings is a step in the right direction. When my husband (then ABF) was using it felt like I was unplugging my lifeline to walk away. After lots of disappointments, lies, relapses (that weren't relapses becuz he never quit), and broken promises I finally knew it was time...that I couldn't do active drug addiction anymore.
I won't go into the series of events but I did walk away, for whatever reason that was the time the he got sober (and has stayed sober for 5+ years), and we resumed a relationship.
Deciding not to place myself in a position where I was dealing with active addiction was the first baby step in learning how to take care of "me". Still learning but making progress. I know that if you do the "next right thing" for yourself then progress will be made. Once you get a taste of recovery (for yourself) it's impossible not to want more.
There is a saying....short term pain for long term pain. And also, feelings are not facts....and they all eventually pass.
I know that you feel like he killed you inside. I experienced that feeling as well. Only it turned out that nothing was killed....things were transformed and that part of me had gone into hiding because it knew how to stay safe. The only thing that he's killing is your relationship. That part of you will come back out when it feels safe and doesn't have to deal with someone in active addiction.
Sending thoughts of peace and love to you. You can do this.....Reaching out is important...whether to our family at SR, counseling, health care providers, or the rooms of Alanon and Naranon. You definitely do not have to do it alone but no one can do it for you.
I understand your feelings having walked in your shoes. It just sounds like you are experiencing grief. Recognition and awareness are HUGE and just even claiming those feelings is a step in the right direction. When my husband (then ABF) was using it felt like I was unplugging my lifeline to walk away. After lots of disappointments, lies, relapses (that weren't relapses becuz he never quit), and broken promises I finally knew it was time...that I couldn't do active drug addiction anymore.
I won't go into the series of events but I did walk away, for whatever reason that was the time the he got sober (and has stayed sober for 5+ years), and we resumed a relationship.
Deciding not to place myself in a position where I was dealing with active addiction was the first baby step in learning how to take care of "me". Still learning but making progress. I know that if you do the "next right thing" for yourself then progress will be made. Once you get a taste of recovery (for yourself) it's impossible not to want more.
There is a saying....short term pain for long term pain. And also, feelings are not facts....and they all eventually pass.
I know that you feel like he killed you inside. I experienced that feeling as well. Only it turned out that nothing was killed....things were transformed and that part of me had gone into hiding because it knew how to stay safe. The only thing that he's killing is your relationship. That part of you will come back out when it feels safe and doesn't have to deal with someone in active addiction.
Sending thoughts of peace and love to you. You can do this.....Reaching out is important...whether to our family at SR, counseling, health care providers, or the rooms of Alanon and Naranon. You definitely do not have to do it alone but no one can do it for you.
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