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Wants and Needs - Language of Letting Go

Old 01-21-2011, 04:18 AM
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Ann
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Wants and Needs - Language of Letting Go

You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go

Wants and Needs


Part of taking responsibility for us means taking responsibility for what we want and need, and knowing that's okay to do.

Learning to tune in to us, learning to listen to ourselves, is an art. It takes practice. We can use our ability to guess what others want and need and apply that skill to ourselves.

What does it sound like we might want and need? What would we guess would help us feel better? What are our feelings telling us? Our body? Our mind? Our intuition?

If we ask, then listen closely; we'll hear the answer.

We are wiser than we think, and we can be trusted.

What we want and need counts. It's important, and it's valid. It's okay to learn to participate in meeting our own needs.

We can learn to identify what we want and need and be patient with ourselves while we're learning.

Today, I will pay attention to what I want and need. I will not discount myself.

From The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie 1990, Hazelden Foundation.
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Old 01-21-2011, 04:23 AM
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Ann
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I remember, early in my recovery, feeling shock because I realized I had no idea who I was or what I wanted.

I had spent my life as a reflection of others...my mother's daughter, my husband's wife, my son's mother, my employer's employee.

I had to get to know that stranger called "me".

What a joy it was to take time to think about my own needs. To find my own dreams and learn to live them. To feel "okay" taking care of myself and making it clear to others what I needed.

It took time, it took recovery work and lots of thought...but it happened.

Today I can recognize when my life is off balance. Today I can take pause and think about what I need to do to get grounded again.

And today I am grateful for all who went before me and showed me how to do this...and told me it was "okay".

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Old 01-21-2011, 05:23 AM
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If we ask, then listen closely; we'll hear the answer.

We are wiser than we think, and we can be trusted.
Thanks for this today, Ann - I have been getting reminders from many places that I should listen to the small voice inside of me - in other words, I should trust my gut! How many times do we tell our children that if something feels wrong, it probably is?
I wonder why so many of us lose sight of that lesson as grown ups?

Wise words today. Thanks.

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Old 01-21-2011, 05:48 AM
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Yes, Thanks for posting this. I read tomorrows reading today by mistake. I am having so much trouble trusting my feelings, my mind tells me one thing and my "gut" is saying something completely opposite. Six months into recovery and I'm more confused then ever. Have a great day.
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Old 01-21-2011, 03:32 PM
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Confusion is common, Bayman. As we learn new ways to live, we experience different feelings, and this can all be confusing...it was for me.

For me, working with a sponsor, taking baby steps and cutting myself some slack all helped.

What was important for me was to keep the focus on me and my recovery and not to go back to old behaviours (which were more comfortable sometimes).

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Old 01-21-2011, 03:58 PM
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The turn around, Lightning bolt moment for me was right here on SR.

Someone PM'd me and said

"If you were not yourself but your best friend,
would you let anyone treat you the way you treat yourself?"

that's the metaphor that was the 'slap with a cold fish' that woke me up at last
to what 'kindness to the self' really is.

I finally had a mental image that made it all make sense to me.

And that - is when it ALL changed.

Thanks for this Ann!
What a great thing to end the day with today!
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