HowManyChances

If you arnt familar with my story, you can read my blogs and my previous post but ill try to fill ya in.

I was in a 6 year relationship. Hes my best friend. My only friend. I am 22 years old. About 3 years ago, he became an opiate addict. For 3 years, the relationship has been rocky and there were moments we fought ALOT, but with that there were also moments where we bonded ALOT.

Update to now.

On sunday his mom and father had an intervention. He agreed to go before even reading anyones letters. The previous week he again, stole his mothers credit card, sat at the gas station and pumped peoples gas on her card in return for money. he also stole her wedding ring from his mom and dads marriage (they have been divorced for 11 years. and pawned it. On tuesday she called me and told me he got kicked out of rehab, he got caught selling a suboxone to another patient. His dad was waiting at the house for him to get dropped off to take him to another rehab. He never showed. He never answered my phone calls. He told me he hated me before he went bc i didnt tell him about his. i "betrayed" him. i didnt sleep all night. The next morning at 8 i called him and he answered. he told me he was in this neighborhood across pittsburgh and he was moving to philly and to forget about him. i balled my eyes out asking him how he could do this to me. he eventually agreed to come over myhouse when i was done with work. while all this was going on i had suspicion he was at my addict cousins house. what do you know i finally got it out of him that was where he was at. i threatened my cousin that i would call the cops everysingle day he let brian stay there and tell the cops all the illegal activityt hat was going on in his house. brian told me to forget about him, he wants nothing to do with me and he hates me. im sick to my stomach. i know i need to stop talking to him and get over him but its so hard. i always make the joke that the woman in my family mate for life, as all the woman in my family are with their high school sweethearts. how do i make my heart catch up with my brain and forget about him instead of sulking over has beens.. this is not the life that i want to have.

in the midst of all of this i went to my first nar anon meeting as alot of people told me it would help me from here. i balled my eyes out opening up with them. i have a feeling they dont understand what im feeling as they were all parents of addicts and recovering addicts.

suki44883

Keep going to nar-anon and go no contact with Brian. Yes, it is hard, but life if full of hard choices. You can't get to where you want to be unless you let go of where you are. He is doing what addicts do and you deserve better than that. Go ahead and cry. Take the time to mourn the loss of a relationship that has run it's course. There is someone out there that is much better suited to you, but you won't find anything better if you don't let go. He's going to do whatever he wants to do and continuing to talk to him only keeps you all torn up. Mourn it then let it go.

kilt

You are right smack in the middle of the storm so it is probably pretty hard for you to see the future, see things calm and peaceful. Because you are in the middle of this storm it is gonna be hard for you to think straight. Don't make any big decisions right now. There aren't any deadlines looming. Think past everything that is going on now and try to be doing things that will make you powerful and strong and in a position to help the people you love five years from now. Get educated and get some skills and job. Make yourself independent. That is the best thing you can do for the man you love. This doesn't mean you give up on him. It means that you save yourself so that there is somebody down the line who is left standing to save him. If you burn yourself out now and give yourself over to grief, you will be giving alot of energy away on nothing, energy that could be better spent. Don't worry about what he is saying and doing right now. He has to unf**k himself. You can't do that for him. What you can do is dust yourself off and be the best you, you can be. If you do that, in a couple of years, you two may be able to be together. In order to better understand how to navigate relationships you also need to have a few more. I am not saying to go ***** around. I am saying you should, during this period of self discovery and growth, date other people. Learn how to have a healthy relationship so maybe that will be something you can give. Be strong, my sister. Get strong. We are rooting for you.

newby1961

I wouldn't be to quick to judge one mtg, right now those people are in the same boat you are. The circumstances may be different, but the feelings and actions are the same. They are learning to let go just like you are. There had to be something one or two of them said that you could identify with? Like they say in AA if you don't like that mtg keep going till you find one you like. I prayed for my HP to put that person in my life that I could get some help from and it happened. So please keep the faith and I'll be praying for the both of you. Peace & Blessings. Judy M

HowManyChances

I have been in college through all of this. Im in school for my RN. Its hard to study but i have to do it. Last year around this time i failed my nursing class due to me moving out and dealing with alot of this stress. i am now back in and trying to stay focus and not repeat history. i lost faith in god. i grew up with heroin addicted parents, now recovering, and i cant belive that this horrible disease can affect one person that i wished to spend my life with. but lately i have been praying everynight. first i pray to god for brian, that he finds strength to overcome this and be a better person, then i pray to my nana (fathers mom) who was my rock during my childhood. i pray to her taht she can help guide me in the right way and overcome this. today im working on myself, my career and my confidence. im going to go to the ymca and get a membership to start working out and going to get a tanning package because it makes me feel more confident and happy.

so just for today, i am happy

Lunaaa

Focus on your study,keep going to meetings,keep posting
Hugs and prayers to you.

barb dwyer

HMC -

I hope you'll keep going to the meetings
because truly -=
they *do* understand.

Alanon and Naranon people understand
like no other people on earth CAN understand.

Because they've been where you are.
And they know a way out of the pain.

I hope you'll give them another chance.

HowManyChances

Maybe its because its almost 9pm on a friday night, and i have clinicals tomorrow so i cant be out surrounded by friends, im getting super weak.

what is he doing? is he thinking of me?

then finally unpacking the overnight bag i usually take to his house, i smelt the aroma of him and his house. hard. veryy hard right now.

how can i be so strong one minute, and be so weak the next.

Ann

Although you may have good days and bad days, the insanity of his addiction will continue until you reach your "enough" point. You are the only one who can change this.

I really hope you stick with your meetings and find some help for yourself.

Hugs

coffeedrinker

that is the nature of it, sweetheart.

i loved the smell of my guy. man! loved, loved, loved it.

i dreaded, but still yearned for, the chance to smell his shirt, jacket, skin. after he was gone, i wanted to hang onto a sweatshirt and never wash it, yet at the same time i recognized that doing so would be keeping me stuck.

it's one foot in front of the other, believing that something better is on the other side, and that you WILL emerge on that other side.

we're here to tell you that you will. even on your darkest days, in your moments of highest doubt, know this is true. never disbelieve it.

damiank

have to agree with Ann >> "" You are the only one who can change this."" <<
I think when he says to forget about him, he's trying to gauge your reaction. Think of no contact as help for you and him. Giving in, well, you know how that works already. Be strong.