Been awhile and a lot has happened
 

Just now finding time to slow down, Jan 1 my AH went on one of his usually fits and wanted some cash but couldn't say what for and it turned into a huge argument, I ended up moving in with my parents again. He had a drug screening at work and passed, so I'm almost starting to think the mood swings aren't really about him finding pain pills but more needing counseling/ possibly an anti-deppressent medication. He has had 3 test now since he left rehab and all of them have been clean. Even though he still has crazy mood swings and wants money for no reason, the past few he has brought receipts food, gas station etc. But he has went to buy lunch twice and gotten cash out and lied about it...... so we are working on it.

Anyway the major wrench in the whole situation is I moved out to get away and get some space, well a the first week I was at my parents my dad passed away OD'ed. I know it is going to sound weird but yes my dad was an addict but my mom never let it stop anything, we did vacations, functions etc...most people probably thought my parents were divorced, unless my dad was clean that day then he would come along. I guess we kind of took him growing up like he had a recurring illness, somedays he was sick (high) and he was gone and somedays he was ok and he was around and a really great guy. I know all kinds of weirdness there, but aside for marrying a man that developed a addiction I think I'm pretty well adjusted.

So after my father's death my AH started staying with me at my mom's house, major reason was I was with my mom and he needed the car to go to work, so I wasn't going and picking him up and leaving my mom's to go get him. Well his truck is fixed so he can take our dog back to our house and he thinks I am going to go back with him.

So i'm only going by his actions, I cant believe what he says, and I really impressed by the last two weeks, he has really been trying and I can see he is thinking about what i need for him the do to make me trust him again. Mostly its the receipts for money that he has spent and not having amazing stories for where he was and why it took so long. (Before he would run to the store and be gone 2 hours and have a amazing flat tire, ran out of gas story or some other BS, when really we live a long way away from his dealer)

So I'm kind of doing a pole how long of seeing real effort before I give him another chance?

I wish I could give advice or even my experience on this one, but I have none. I am still living with my AH trying to figure it all out. It sounds like you are pretty good at listening to your gut though. I have read that over and over that your gut will tell you. So I will be thinking and prayer for you.

J M H O

For everyone it is different, however, I can say with all certainty, it didn't take him 2 weeks to become an addict and thus 2 weeks is just a nanosecond in time. I personally would sit back and watch his actions for a minimum of 6 months to a year and in the meantime be attending a lot of Al-Anon or Naranon meetings. I mention Al-Anon because usually in any community there are many more of those at various times that one can work into one's schedule than there are Naranon meetings.

Only you can decide if and when you want to give him another chance. Is he doing any type of recovery program at all? Or is he seeing an addiction counselor on a regular basis? Or is he doing this 'on his own'? Recovery programs help the A to get past the 'symptons' (the usage) and get to the cause and solution.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care very much.

Love and hugs,

cynical one, yes i have gone to every couple of weeks to a meeting (not as many as i would like), its hard to find a sitter, my little munchkin gets really fussy at night if I am not with her.....no one wants to hear her screaming. He was not an addict when we met, or married, that I knew of. He was just as anti drug as I am when when we met, he was raised by his grandparents because of an addict mother, and we met in church, and became friends over the whole not wanting to turn out like our addict parent situation.

i must say though I find humor in the idea that subconsciously ever girl marries a guy like her father. But this was super subconscious, we went through weeks of premarital counseling just on the whole issue of not being like our parents.....some how the accident and back pain changed him,or brought out the addict in him.

i appreciate your view on things, it keeps me thinking.