Help! Outpatient treatment and he is burning down the house!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 7
Help! Outpatient treatment and he is burning down the house!
My hubby enrolled in an outpatient treatment program that uses Subutex detox method. I have no idea what center he is as he is keeping all that 'secret' from me. His mother is paying the bill as it is VERY expensive, but she won't tell me either.
Fact is, he is WORSE since he started a week or so ago. He used to be just mean and moody up and down all the time, now he is mostly out of it, falls asleep standing at the sink making a meal, and now he is doing things like forgetting to close the door and our indoor animals are getting out (they have never been out and have no skills for doges or roads) and last night he decided to cook on the stove with a paper plate, when that caught fire, he tried to use newspapers to snuff out the fire, creating a bigger fire.
I cannot leave him alone for fear of harm coming to the animals or him burning down the house.
He goes to work in the morning and seems fine, but he takes his 'meds' as soon as off work and then is like this all evening. I keep telling him to take the stuff RIGHT BEFORE bed, but that is not what is happening.
My question is, I doubt his doctor knows this side effect. Do I have ANY rights to find out who is treating him and let them know the treatment is now endangering our lives, literally.
Do I have to wait until some real disaster and have to call 911 or soemthing? He has made idle comments about killing himself or me (as if he is joking) and my therapist said I should definately call 911 the next time he makes that comment.
But I can whip his butt any day so quite frankly I am more worried about the house or him doing something he is so out of it. He did not really 'get it' that he was burning up the kitchen.
What can I do?
Shouldn't his doctor KNOW about this? Confidentiality be dammed, my life and our animals lives are literally at stake here at this point!
What gives? What the h*ll kind of "treatment" is this?
Frustrated and Getting Scared....
Fact is, he is WORSE since he started a week or so ago. He used to be just mean and moody up and down all the time, now he is mostly out of it, falls asleep standing at the sink making a meal, and now he is doing things like forgetting to close the door and our indoor animals are getting out (they have never been out and have no skills for doges or roads) and last night he decided to cook on the stove with a paper plate, when that caught fire, he tried to use newspapers to snuff out the fire, creating a bigger fire.
I cannot leave him alone for fear of harm coming to the animals or him burning down the house.
He goes to work in the morning and seems fine, but he takes his 'meds' as soon as off work and then is like this all evening. I keep telling him to take the stuff RIGHT BEFORE bed, but that is not what is happening.
My question is, I doubt his doctor knows this side effect. Do I have ANY rights to find out who is treating him and let them know the treatment is now endangering our lives, literally.
Do I have to wait until some real disaster and have to call 911 or soemthing? He has made idle comments about killing himself or me (as if he is joking) and my therapist said I should definately call 911 the next time he makes that comment.
But I can whip his butt any day so quite frankly I am more worried about the house or him doing something he is so out of it. He did not really 'get it' that he was burning up the kitchen.
What can I do?
Shouldn't his doctor KNOW about this? Confidentiality be dammed, my life and our animals lives are literally at stake here at this point!
What gives? What the h*ll kind of "treatment" is this?
Frustrated and Getting Scared....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 7
Oh, and he has been using since he was a teen. Been with him 10 years and did not even know he was an addict until 2 years ago. He basically functioned really well and was even a very nice person for long time, then the mood swings and insanity became visible.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 71
Originally Posted by precisionchaos 
No. He uses mostly prescription painkillers, has used heroin, mj , klonopin primarily.
His doctor does have him on an anti-anxiety med also with the buprenorphine treatment.
His doctor does have him on an anti-anxiety med also with the buprenorphine treatment.
Due to patient-doctor confidentiality, I don't think it's possible for you to find out anything about his current treatment.
However, in many states, you can call the local police and swear out a "mental health warrant" and he will be ordered to spend 72 hours inpatient for evaluation. Since you would be swearing out the warrant, you would have an opportunity to explain on it how and why you consider him to be a danger to himself and/or others.
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
This involvement and more than most of SR would advise, but I DID call the clinic where my xh was getting dosed at. I spoke with the director, told her what "I" was seeing. She in so many words gave me some info about what was going on. He wasn't actually going to the clinic (though I thought he was) He was getting more than he should have been from the streets. He was also abusing benzo's, which caused him to be really spaced out.
I'm sorry you are here. Do whatever it takes to protect YOURSELF. If your ah and mil are so tight and secretive, tell her to take him off of your hands.
I'm sorry you are here. Do whatever it takes to protect YOURSELF. If your ah and mil are so tight and secretive, tell her to take him off of your hands.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
I would not preclude the possibility that he is using another drug to get that ole buzz on or that he might be selling/trading the subs for his DOC. Heck, you may not even know what pills are in the bottle.
Quite interesting that he and mom will not disclose the name of the clinic. What's that all about? Regardless, unless he authorizes his MD a clinic cannot disclose they are treating him.
Regardless, he owns his own recovery or not. I understand wanting to make contact with his MD. I also understand control issues. You cannot make him quit. You cannot cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.
What's in it for you to live with someone you fear might burn down the house?
Quite interesting that he and mom will not disclose the name of the clinic. What's that all about? Regardless, unless he authorizes his MD a clinic cannot disclose they are treating him.
Regardless, he owns his own recovery or not. I understand wanting to make contact with his MD. I also understand control issues. You cannot make him quit. You cannot cause him to relapse. You are not that powerful. None of us are.
What's in it for you to live with someone you fear might burn down the house?
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
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I too, if I were in your position, call the police and the fire department the next time this happens. Not only are you CYAing but you are creating written reports by 'authorities.'
He is definitely becoming a 'danger' to himself and others (you).
Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Love and hugs,
He is definitely becoming a 'danger' to himself and others (you).
Sending good thoughts and prayers for you and your family.
Love and hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 7
Thank you all for your kind and helpful replies.
I agree, he may not be taking only what he is supposed to. In fact I would bet he is not!
And yes, it is on my mind to send him over to his mum's house and she can live with that.
What is in it for me is rather complicated...he had borrowed and then recently stolen so much money from me, and had history of paying it back until the past year, so I am simply in no financial position to be able to get out right at the moment, though I am working on that. Unfortunately, though I have my own account, we have a joint credit card that he has maxed out, and he told me last week he has missed the past couple mortgage payments and I got a notice from the water company etc etc.
I am not a total idiot, but I am sure I look like one...I trusted him for 8 years, and while now I can see 'signs' of his using looking back, he always paid the bills and paid me back etc. He convinced me years ago to not work fulltime and that getting a job would mess up his tax bracket, and so I did not pursue that avenue for 'income.' I just did not know I was going to need the resources 'overnight' to suddenly leave and be out of a home. With 9 animals, it is also not easy to just walk away.
The one good thing in our situation is we do not have children.
I have found in the past 2 days that if I am adamant and firm in telling what I will and will not 'listen' to, do, or accept from him, he has stopped a lot of the nasty behavior toward me, and, I am being firm that if he comes home from work loopy, he MUST go to bed. At least once he crashes, presumably to sleep it off, I am safer and not needing to babysit his every move.
I'm still in shock I guess that this is a 'treatment' program...I know the addiction would eventually end up in 'jails, institutions or death,' but he seriously was so much easier to deal with before last week! Now it is like he has been given a 'license' to legally use, but he says the center told him there is zero tolerance policy, that they drug test every week, and they know the treatment has certain low levels of the substances, and anything over that tells them he is using outside of the treatment, and he would get kicked out of the program.
Thanks again everyone, I feel like I have some concrete actions to take to protect myself, animals and even him from himself to some extent.
I agree, he may not be taking only what he is supposed to. In fact I would bet he is not!
And yes, it is on my mind to send him over to his mum's house and she can live with that.
What is in it for me is rather complicated...he had borrowed and then recently stolen so much money from me, and had history of paying it back until the past year, so I am simply in no financial position to be able to get out right at the moment, though I am working on that. Unfortunately, though I have my own account, we have a joint credit card that he has maxed out, and he told me last week he has missed the past couple mortgage payments and I got a notice from the water company etc etc.
I am not a total idiot, but I am sure I look like one...I trusted him for 8 years, and while now I can see 'signs' of his using looking back, he always paid the bills and paid me back etc. He convinced me years ago to not work fulltime and that getting a job would mess up his tax bracket, and so I did not pursue that avenue for 'income.' I just did not know I was going to need the resources 'overnight' to suddenly leave and be out of a home. With 9 animals, it is also not easy to just walk away.
The one good thing in our situation is we do not have children.
I have found in the past 2 days that if I am adamant and firm in telling what I will and will not 'listen' to, do, or accept from him, he has stopped a lot of the nasty behavior toward me, and, I am being firm that if he comes home from work loopy, he MUST go to bed. At least once he crashes, presumably to sleep it off, I am safer and not needing to babysit his every move.
I'm still in shock I guess that this is a 'treatment' program...I know the addiction would eventually end up in 'jails, institutions or death,' but he seriously was so much easier to deal with before last week! Now it is like he has been given a 'license' to legally use, but he says the center told him there is zero tolerance policy, that they drug test every week, and they know the treatment has certain low levels of the substances, and anything over that tells them he is using outside of the treatment, and he would get kicked out of the program.
Thanks again everyone, I feel like I have some concrete actions to take to protect myself, animals and even him from himself to some extent.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Hope Land
Posts: 666
Hi,
Sorry that you are having such a terrible time with your AH and mother in law. I just wanted to say that when I was with my AH the Dr. put him on Subutex to help with the withdrawl. My husbands reactions while on it were the same. I had read something about it so we asked the Dr. to prescribe it for him, which he did, but he said it is only going to work if AH is wanting to quite using, it is not a miricle drug to make him stop. That is what I had in my mind, that it would take the cravings away and end of it.
He would take it at night, just after dinner nod off into this deep sleep, snoring then within 2hours he would jump up grab his keys and out the door he would go to get his fix.
I don't blame you for wanting to make him go live with his mom, this is a bunch of crap. Sounds like she is wanting to play the hero with her money... it is all just going to backfire in her face!
I know this is very hard for you, but from just reading your posts you sould like you are a very strong level headed person and I bet in time you will find the extra means finacially. The good thing out of this is you are learning to become self sufficient, a hard way to have to learn it though, but I think it is one of the most important things a person can do for theirselves.
Take Care and keep posting!
Rose
Sorry that you are having such a terrible time with your AH and mother in law. I just wanted to say that when I was with my AH the Dr. put him on Subutex to help with the withdrawl. My husbands reactions while on it were the same. I had read something about it so we asked the Dr. to prescribe it for him, which he did, but he said it is only going to work if AH is wanting to quite using, it is not a miricle drug to make him stop. That is what I had in my mind, that it would take the cravings away and end of it.
He would take it at night, just after dinner nod off into this deep sleep, snoring then within 2hours he would jump up grab his keys and out the door he would go to get his fix.
I don't blame you for wanting to make him go live with his mom, this is a bunch of crap. Sounds like she is wanting to play the hero with her money... it is all just going to backfire in her face!
I know this is very hard for you, but from just reading your posts you sould like you are a very strong level headed person and I bet in time you will find the extra means finacially. The good thing out of this is you are learning to become self sufficient, a hard way to have to learn it though, but I think it is one of the most important things a person can do for theirselves.
Take Care and keep posting!
Rose
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 7
Thank you Rose and everyone.
You helped me see where I was in fact 'owning' some of his stuff, and that I should keep focused on track for what I need to do.
I have made a couple plans to get back up financially where i can move, and I do have place to go in a hurry if it came to that. I will be getting a seasonal job back soon that goes through fall and could become fulltime next fall.
If my AH does follow through with his recovery I will support him in every way that is possible (but not enabling etc) and he wants me to 'give it a year' but I told him I am taking it one day at a time.
I REALLY appreciate the support and knowledge of folks here...invaluable!
You helped me see where I was in fact 'owning' some of his stuff, and that I should keep focused on track for what I need to do.
I have made a couple plans to get back up financially where i can move, and I do have place to go in a hurry if it came to that. I will be getting a seasonal job back soon that goes through fall and could become fulltime next fall.
If my AH does follow through with his recovery I will support him in every way that is possible (but not enabling etc) and he wants me to 'give it a year' but I told him I am taking it one day at a time.
I REALLY appreciate the support and knowledge of folks here...invaluable!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 131
Hi Precisionchaos, Your situation sounds very scary to say the least.
My ah is in treatment right now and is not living with me but he previously tried suboxone and it was scary. He was nodding out to the point that I was scared so I called his doctor. His doctor told me that this he was mixing benzos and what do ya know? He admitted to mixing xanax.
I later learned that anytime I was suspiscious that he was using he was using. You know the old saying, "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck".
I am sorry. We will be here for you as you work your way through this.
My ah is in treatment right now and is not living with me but he previously tried suboxone and it was scary. He was nodding out to the point that I was scared so I called his doctor. His doctor told me that this he was mixing benzos and what do ya know? He admitted to mixing xanax.
I later learned that anytime I was suspiscious that he was using he was using. You know the old saying, "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck it probably is a duck".
I am sorry. We will be here for you as you work your way through this.
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 1,384
I agree with outtolunch. Pay attention to his actions and not his words. When my RABF was on Suboxone, he was not nodding off and forgetting things. What else is your AH doing for recovery? Is he reading books? going to meetings? talking to sober friends? doing other things for his health/recovery? Recovery is a lot more than just taking the Suboxone. They have to learn how to be sober and they need to learn the tools to deal with stress, anger, etc., without drugs.
I'm glad that you have a plan as to how you will get out of there. I agree with the therapist about calling 911 if he makes any comments about killing himself. That is a boundary that I have with AM and RABF.
I'm glad that you have a plan as to how you will get out of there. I agree with the therapist about calling 911 if he makes any comments about killing himself. That is a boundary that I have with AM and RABF.
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