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Old 01-19-2011, 07:31 PM
  # 21 (permalink)  
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Lightseeker, I hear you loud and clear (with tears in my eyes)). I know I have enabled terribly over the past years. Paying rent, truck payments, food Makes me sick. I have done counciling, Alanon and have had a few sessions with an addiction therapist. I'm ready to face this head on now so hopefully my heart doesn't get in the way. I love my son bu this time my respect for him has flown out the window. He was building a nice business and threw it all away.........Its nice to hear that your hubby is doing well and beat the demon. Would love to see that here but my son has to do it this time alone also.....thanks for the words... Hugs~
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Old 01-19-2011, 07:42 PM
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Dignity,

it wasn't until he finally had to do it alone that my husband "did it". He did it for about 8 weeks "white knuckle" and then reached out to his mother and asked for help to pay for counseling.

I think that each of us does the absolute best that we can at any given moment...as they say....when we know better, we do better. There are steps that I am willing to take in regards to my son and then others that I know that I'm not there yet. Thank heavens for Alanon and SR though....it really helps.

Keep me posted on how things are going for you.....you will all be in my prayers.
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:09 PM
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Originally Posted by Dignity View Post
I'm ready to face this head on now so hopefully my heart doesn't get in the way.
This visual helped me: Every time I give him something like food, rent money, cell phone, etc, (while he was actively using and not working) then I am helping to dig his grave. I visualized that every time I handed over money it was the same as shoveling one more load of dirt.

It took my son quite awhile before he realized his manipulations weren't going to work anymore....about 3-4 months as I recall. He got a job, found a place to live and is on his own now --and our relationship is cool. He never asks for money and won't take it even if I offer. He's determined to do it on his own. I don't think he has much left over for drugs. He's definitely different than he was a year ago, that is for sure.
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:01 AM
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Dignity, IMO, hand over everything to him and let him handle it as long as nothing is in you or your hubby's name. Keep the money (I'm sure he owes you some by this point) and wash your hands. He may need to fall some more before he can pick himself up. Hanging on to things in hopes of his rehab is still in some ways (my opinion) controlling the situation. Prayers to your family!
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Old 01-20-2011, 06:52 AM
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ladyhawk, Theres nothing to hand over right now. We still have the truck and the decision to sell it is still up in the air. My hubby and son will discuss that. I am out of the loop with that at this point. If sold, handing over the profit to him will not be an issue. Long term rehab and therapy=his money. Thanks for your thoughts.
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Old 01-20-2011, 07:28 AM
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In the words of those who do interventions on the tv show, "Intervention" ..... "there's nothing I (we) won't do to help you get better, but there's nothing I (we) will do to help you remain actively addicted. We can no longer love you to death."

I'd just turn the phone off with no explanation and not discuss the truck at all. Just tell him, if he calls, that neither are open for discussion until he's ready to seek treatment.
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Old 01-20-2011, 09:27 AM
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You don't have to wait until the next pay period to turn the phone off. On my plan (ATT), I just went online and reported the phone lost or stolen. I did not want him to have a phone, he wouldn't give it back. It belongs to me - I consider that stolen. You just click a box and the phone goes off.
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