update- on me
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Join Date: Feb 2009
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update- on me
yes, this is mostly about me and my progress. last week was the time i started to plant my foundation. i am not 100% but better than i was. I feel so much stronger. it just clicked. i have been able to detach almost completely emotionally. i provide no money. the situation is that she got funding from the county for real detox and is waiting for a bed starting today. the process can take up to 2 weeks. i know i shouls close my door on her, but this is it. this is my last bit of contact. i cant explain it properly right now, but i feel close to liberated. the sooner a bed opens the better. i said i will drive her to the facility when the time comes. its like counting down to christmas. if she doesn't go, my contact ends.
the thing is- even this much contact feels wrong
the thing is- even this much contact feels wrong
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Join Date: May 2008
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I don't know of many addicts who have been given the chances that she has with a state funded rehab. I hope she goes Steve, but I wouldn't count it on it. History repeats itself and how many times were you going to go NC before if she didn't go or left early. History repeats itself as a codie as well.
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Join Date: Apr 2008
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the thing is- even this much contact feels wrong
Because even that much contact keeps you connected to the chaos. Detox only gets the drugs out of her system. It doesn't teach her coping skills for cravings. Detox is only the very first step of a long process.
Because even that much contact keeps you connected to the chaos. Detox only gets the drugs out of her system. It doesn't teach her coping skills for cravings. Detox is only the very first step of a long process.
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callie- i know. but i feel so good about the direction i am heading. yes history repeats, but this time i am changing it by allowing this story to end. not to get into it, but this is the first time she has received this funding. the others were for a free detox at a hospital up north. those other times i wasnt ready. this time i am. no going back. you know how addicts say this time is different? i know i have said it all myslf, so the only way to prove it is to do it and i cant wait to prove it.
i am not having any expectations aboput her going. i dont care either way. i feel this relationship is dead and could only possibly be resurrected after a long time of recovery for her. i'd rather be alone. i want to be alone.
i am not having any expectations aboput her going. i dont care either way. i feel this relationship is dead and could only possibly be resurrected after a long time of recovery for her. i'd rather be alone. i want to be alone.
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suki- this is something i have learned. at this place she will go right into a 21 day rehab and the ncan be placed in a long term one. as i posted above, i have no expectations. i just want hte book to close. the final few pages are winding down.
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Join Date: Dec 2009
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steve I thought this post was about you, you havent indicated anything you have done with your recovery, you went right back into it about her.
I think on your last post you mentioned some hobbies you were going to start up again, how is that going?
I think on your last post you mentioned some hobbies you were going to start up again, how is that going?
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Originally Posted by tam 
steve I thought this post was about you, you havent indicated anything you have done with your recovery, you went right back into it about her.
I think on your last post you mentioned some hobbies you were going to start up again, how is that going?
I think on your last post you mentioned some hobbies you were going to start up again, how is that going?
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More progress Steve.. good 
I'd challenge you to NOT think about her for one day. Just ONE day. Take yourself to a movie or whatever. If the thought of her comes to you, push it away or snap your wrist with a rubber band.
Don't wait until she gets a bed to be detached. Start NOW. You can't postpone sanity.
I'd challenge you to NOT think about her for one day. Just ONE day. Take yourself to a movie or whatever. If the thought of her comes to you, push it away or snap your wrist with a rubber band.
Don't wait until she gets a bed to be detached. Start NOW. You can't postpone sanity.
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Join Date: Mar 2008
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Originally Posted by cynical one
Seems you have this looking forward to Christmas feeling every couple of weeks...and then you just keep getting bags of coal.
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Good to hear from you again, Steve. What is your plan once she's in rehab? Do you have one? Do you have a contingency plan in place just in case she blows it? You know that old saying: Hope for the best, prepare for the worst.
(hugs)
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Steve
I knew I was detaching with love when I stopped having that "Christmas Feeling". To me, the Christmas Feeling was all about expectation......and excitement. When I stopped feeling excited that my son was going to detox or going to rehab or stopped feeling disappointment if he didn't, that's when I really knew I was making a lot of progress.
Expectation has time associated with it. A week or two weeks or whenever a bed opens up. That IS expectation. Hope, however, is something else......it is the serene place because you've given up the time line. It's in her HP's hands.......and it happens in his timeline......not yours.
Baby steps, Steve. Progress.....not perfection. But it takes a LOT of work on ourselves.
I feel fairly grounded in my recovery but sometimes my mind will wander to areas I can't control. I have to immediately stop myself with "You aren't in control here" and move on about MY business.
Remember the old adage "A watched pot never boils".......it applies to an addict. If we are watching and waiting for them to get into treatment, they never will. When we let go and let God, that's when things happen.
gentle hugs
I knew I was detaching with love when I stopped having that "Christmas Feeling". To me, the Christmas Feeling was all about expectation......and excitement. When I stopped feeling excited that my son was going to detox or going to rehab or stopped feeling disappointment if he didn't, that's when I really knew I was making a lot of progress.
Expectation has time associated with it. A week or two weeks or whenever a bed opens up. That IS expectation. Hope, however, is something else......it is the serene place because you've given up the time line. It's in her HP's hands.......and it happens in his timeline......not yours.
Baby steps, Steve. Progress.....not perfection. But it takes a LOT of work on ourselves.
I feel fairly grounded in my recovery but sometimes my mind will wander to areas I can't control. I have to immediately stop myself with "You aren't in control here" and move on about MY business.
Remember the old adage "A watched pot never boils".......it applies to an addict. If we are watching and waiting for them to get into treatment, they never will. When we let go and let God, that's when things happen.
gentle hugs
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my contingency plan is that once in rehab, i'm done. i am committed and prepared to hand it over. if she gets in and doesnt stay, i'm done. if she gets in and stays, perhaps i'll do contact at some point.
i'm not waiting for christmas morning. this isnt like before where i had all this expectation that she would do it. this time i just want the time to come and go and end my part in this all. i could go no contact today, but i am giving the LAST LAST benefit of the doubt.
i'm working on all my music hobby stuff, started reading a book, hanging with my folks, and remaining on guard.
also, even though i did mention her in this, i still feel the thread is about me because of my attitude about it all. sick and tired of bein sick and tired. someone had to break first.
i'm not waiting for christmas morning. this isnt like before where i had all this expectation that she would do it. this time i just want the time to come and go and end my part in this all. i could go no contact today, but i am giving the LAST LAST benefit of the doubt.
i'm working on all my music hobby stuff, started reading a book, hanging with my folks, and remaining on guard.
also, even though i did mention her in this, i still feel the thread is about me because of my attitude about it all. sick and tired of bein sick and tired. someone had to break first.
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what i meant counting down to christmas was how that is one day that has a countdown for a couple weeks in advance. i am not implying that i expect a gift. i was strictly speaking that i have a deadline.
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the laws of inertia..we change things when we become too uncomfortable with the status quo. Everyone is like that.
I am very glad you are getting your self back Steve!
Each one of us reaches our own point of when we have given enough and too much.
I am very glad you are getting your self back Steve!
Each one of us reaches our own point of when we have given enough and too much.
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