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Excuses to use/relapse. . .

Old 01-18-2011, 10:10 AM
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Excuses to use/relapse. . .

There has been a few post lately about some of the partners and adult children giving the excuses that if _______ hadn't happened then they wouldn't have had to use, or if we had been a little nicer, blah, blah, quack, quack, . . .

Well if I remember correctly at one time we had a thread going that talked about the different excuses we have heard on why our addicts/alcoholics used . . .

Most of the time as we read these post it can give us a clearer insite to the fact that we are not alone, many of us have heard some of the same reasons, excuses and stories . . .

Some of these may make you laugh, some may make you cry - but the main purpose is hopefully to help you realize - IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU!!

Their use is about them and their disease - so please add your experience, strength and hope to help others . . .


PINK HUGS to all,
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:13 AM
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Excuses I have heard . . .

It was the weekend
It was a week day
It was a holiday
It wasn't a holiday

It was my birthday
I'm getting old

The kids were getting on my nerves
The kids won't come visit me

My football team lost
My football team won

My _________ (insert family members name here) passed away
My family gets on my last nerve

I hate my job
That stinking job fired me
I don't have a job
I got a new job
I quit my job

And this is just a start. . . .
anyone else got any to share . . .
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:24 AM
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the main excuse i hear is that 'if i wasn't dating so and so, this never would have happened'

it would have happend, just with someone else
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Old 01-18-2011, 10:40 AM
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Your nagging made me use
Being in this environment made me use
I just wanted to get high one more time
I wasn't looking, I just found the pills @ the bottom of the safe and took them.
I don't want to be sick
I had alot to do and pills give me the drive and motivation to do the work I need to do
You don't love me anymore anyway
You don't want me anymore
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Old 01-18-2011, 11:05 AM
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How about I offer the flip side of things I managed to get through without using/drinking over the years?

Four major surgeries.
Divorce.
Unplanned pregnancy.
Death of my EXAH.
Seeing my oldest slip into active addiction.
Having my youngest run away at age 15 with a 24 year old predator.
Losing my youngest for 16 months while she was in lockup and then foster care.
Broken engagement that devastated me, and a savings account that was drained.
Loss of jobs.
Chronic health issues with chronic pain.
Seeing the effect my AD's addictions have had on my grandchildren.
Dealing with parents to this day who have no recovery.
Being served a $9,000.00 garnishment on my bank account for medical bills.
The loss of many friends over the years to this horrible disease.

Those are just for starters.
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Old 01-18-2011, 11:23 AM
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Im a chronic pain sufferer
your lucky Im only on pills, many husbands are at the bar or doing drugs
you dont love me anymore
dr.saids I will need these the rest of my life
you cant accept my illness
you dont understand my illness
my pain level is a 10, I would love to stop these meds,but you cant with level 10 pain
I have no strength without these meds due to the pain
I cant think right without these meds due to the pain
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:28 PM
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Believe it or not, when my son starts using again~~he always blames himself for messing up his life~~~~~one more time. This time~~I have stepped away and am letting him deal with his downfall. Its so hard not having contact but I'm dealing also as best I can. Maybe, just maybe, alone he will see the path he will lead if not to recovery.
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:31 PM
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:33 PM
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Originally Posted by cynical one View Post
I think the list of excuses are even sicker...when we look in the mirror.

Because I confused love with the need to be needed
Because I thought I had the power to make a difference
Because I believed in his dreams more than my own
Because I thought I could lead by example
Because I was a control freak
Because my ego was huge
Because I thought he had nobody else
Because I wanted a return on my emotional and financial investments
Because I wanted to be the one to "go the distance"
Because I was hooked on the drama
Because I had low self-esteem
Because I was living in fear
Because I started believing his lies over my own eyes
Because I thought he was the sick one
Because I thought I could fix him
Because I thought he was incapable
Because I wanted him to be someone who he wasn't
Because I couldn't accept I was the problem
Because I lacked courage

Thanks for reminding me of the mirror yikes!!! If anyone can bring me back to reality you can((((CO))))
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Old 01-18-2011, 12:40 PM
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I go to the bar because that is where all my business contacts have come from.
I have to go to the bar because I need money.
I was broke and it is depressing to sit at home alone all the time so I went to the bar.
They run me a tab and I need a social life so I go to the bar.
I didn't buy any booze, they stopped by the house with it.
So and so BOUGHT me one!
I have a drink with friends.
I drink because I have no friends.
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Old 01-18-2011, 01:20 PM
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Originally Posted by Freedom1990 View Post
How about I offer the flip side of things I managed to get through without using/drinking over the years?

Four major surgeries.
Divorce.
Unplanned pregnancy.
Death of my EXAH.
Seeing my oldest slip into active addiction.
Having my youngest run away at age 15 with a 24 year old predator.
Losing my youngest for 16 months while she was in lockup and then foster care.
Broken engagement that devastated me, and a savings account that was drained.
Loss of jobs.
Chronic health issues with chronic pain.
Seeing the effect my AD's addictions have had on my grandchildren.
Dealing with parents to this day who have no recovery.
Being served a $9,000.00 garnishment on my bank account for medical bills.
The loss of many friends over the years to this horrible disease.

Those are just for starters.
Thanks!! - That's awesome!!!!
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Old 01-18-2011, 01:23 PM
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I need it to feel normal
It's a process and it takes many relapses sometimes to finally quit
It was just a 2 day slip ( LIE )
It's not that bad I am only using $20 worth a day
If you were more supportive
If you were more loving
If you were not ignoring me

Just some of what I have heard in the last 4 months
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Old 01-18-2011, 01:55 PM
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Well, since I feel this thread was created some what to help me, I would like to share my experience in hopes of maybe helping some one else. So here are all the ones I can remember off the top of my head....

1) I couldn't take all the arguing
2) I was spending too much time with you and the kids and not doing what I needed to for my recovery
3) You always bring up things I did from the past, you can't ever just forgive and move on (never mind he can never say sorry and TRUELY realize the amount of hurt he caused)
4) I shouldn't have went around _____ (any place that comes to his mind) OR I should've never went to visit_____(any person he thinks he can blame for making him want to get high)
5) You don't have enough trust in me
6) You were going to leave me anyway so what difference does it make
7) I thought you were going to call the police so I figured I mine as well get one more in before they came looking for me!!! (yes this is really true)

Wow, after thinking about all the things I have heard that are NEVER his fault I am sitting here saying to myself, Gee you sure do know how to pick' em
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Old 01-18-2011, 02:00 PM
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3) You always bring up things I did from the past, you can't ever just forgive and move on (never mind he can never say sorry and TRUELY realize the amount of hurt he caused)


Very true that they never feel truely sorry. I've heard I'm sorry, but never felt he meant it. Kind of an "I'm sorry" in a blow off and lets move on kind of way.
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Old 01-18-2011, 02:18 PM
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EXACTLY Callie! It's almost like let me just say sorry cause that's what I am suppose to say, but if I was TRUELY sorry, you would not only hear it in my words but you would SEE it in my actions cause I would do something different! Also, if you realized how deep the hurt was, you would know it wasn't going away over night and I couldn't just move on already! I was (and still am) going to counseling for "MY ISSUES" which were trouble forgiving, trusting ect... And that still wasn't good enough for him! I give up.
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Old 01-19-2011, 05:53 AM
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Sarah & Callie -
The last year that I stayed with my now ex Ah -

I asked him to please don't tell me that your sorry or apologize for any more relaspes. Just let your actions and recovery speak for your true amends. I told him for me, I have learned that is healthier and in my best interest to base my decisions on another persons actions not words or best intentions.

He said "well then fine - I'll just show you!!" and he did.
He continued to relapse, lie, steal and all the other behaviors that were unhealthy for me have in my life.

Which is why he is now my ex ah.

I never could control him or his disease but thru the help of my HP and a recovery program I could make my life better and healthier for me!

Thanks for the input from everyone!!

PINK HUGS,
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Old 01-19-2011, 08:57 AM
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I (AS) take drugs because:
- Politicians are corrupt, therefore no one can make rules for me
- Drugs are not really bad. People trying to make them look bad have a hidden agenda
- I had you as a mother and my dad as a father. Wouldn't you if you were in my shoes?
- It helps my spiritual development
- Drugs? What drugs?

Yep, I heard them all from my darling AS. How do you counteract arguments like that? I guess the answer is that you do not even try.
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Old 01-19-2011, 09:02 AM
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It’s funny my ex never really had excuses, it was more of I’m sorry, I don’t know why this is happening again, I made a mistake (all the typical down playing of the relapses)

Then about 2 years ago he woke up one morning in severe pain, his back had locked up. He went to the ER, they gave him some pain medication in a shot, sent him home and told him to follow up with a dr. That Dr did an MRI, discovered some degenerated disks and the rest is pain pill history.

My ex addict basically won the lottery! a legitimate justification to obtain pain pills. He had a script from a real Dr stating he had a real reason to use. He got a lot of mileage out of that one, even made his way through drug testing at work, as long as he had that script he was golden. Funny how when he decided to get himself clean and went on the suboxone how that pain just seemed to go away.

Then an arm injury in Oct (another legit reason for a script) sent him plummeting into relapse, he spiraled down in a matter or weeks…….guess there is a lot of truth to the saying: While you are sitting in an AA meeting, your addiction is out in the parking lot doing push ups!!!!! His certainly was………
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Old 01-19-2011, 11:01 AM
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(atalose)

sounds like we were married to the same man who did some of the same things!!
He was sober for a few yrs (still had some issues with gambling & dishonesty but not using/drinking)
Jan 05 - Was hurt & had to have surgery - boom that's all the disease needed -He's never seen sobriety for longer than a week or so since.
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