Hess

Well, I went to my first nar-anon meeting last Thursday night. I'm not really sure that this particular group is going to be any good for me. I am going to try going a couple of more times before I really decide. Actually after the meeting I was feeling a lot more upset and more hopeless than I was before the meeting. As far as I could tell this group was completely composed of parents of addicts, I was the only sibling there. I guess I was hoping to hear other siblings speak. Or even spouses or significant others. I was really hoping to hear how others in a similar situation cope. I know that I am really struggling with my emotions attached to the actions of my enabling/codependent mother. And at this meeting the majority of the people were enabler/codependent parents. I just had a really tough time listening to them all.
I will try to go to a few more. But there are a lot of meetings all around my area, so I may need to travel a little to find one I like.

Rooberri

Hi Hess -
This is only my second post - I'm a sibling watching a sister who is addicted and watching a mom / dad who is enabling. I also now have found out that I am codependent - my daughter is in recovery as of 12/22/10 - addicted to perscription meds - she is a chronic pain patient.

I have all different kinds of feelings and views about my family. Even more so now that my daughter is in recovery.

Finding others in similar situations is going to be hard for me too. I went to an Alanon meeting and just couldn't find my place. I have only been to one and will look for another one to see if I fit.

I'm on step one - it's hard and I'm scared.

Are you working a 12 step program for yourself?

Sending prayers and some good energy to get you through!

Roo

Hess

Honestly, I don't really even know anything about the nar-anon 12 step program. I really haven't learned all that much yet.

Kindeyes

Hess
If that group doesn't do it for you, try another group or try Alanon. Different groups tend to have different feelings about them. One of the things that is often said about going to meetings is try to go several weeks in a row. The meetings can have a different makeup of attendees week to week.

As far as most of the people in the meeting being parents with addicted children, that is the majority in my meetings too but there are also spouses, SO's, siblings, and children of addicted parents! But as I said, that mix of attendees changes week to week.

I learn a different perspective from eachof them. I am able to share with a sibling how my daughter dealt with her addicted brother. I am able to share how my son's addiction affected my relationship with my daughter. I am able to share what I had to do to change in order to preserve the relationship with my daughter.

Most importantly, we all learn that we cannot change or control another person whether it be a sibling, parent, spouse, friend or SO. And we learn how to cope with that realization.

I hope you give it a few more weeks before writing the meetings off. Personally, I thought the meetings were a little wierd when I first started going......I didn't think they'd be my cup of tea. But I kept going back and now find a great source of comfort there.

gentle hugs

litehorse

i'm so glad both of you (hess and rooberri) have found this site - there is an abundance of wisdom, experience, and encouragement here - many will be along to answer questions far better than i can - it does help to have people who have experienced similar things - i have a 26 year old addicted son - he is locked up right now but is starting to work his recovery where he is - getting out and facing life in recovery will be the real test - blessings, keep coming back, and working your programs -

tam

I am a wife of a AH and attended alanon meetings. I would say the group did consist of many parents and spouses, but I felt our feelings are all the same regarding addiction.
I hope you keep going, it will help you to understand that others are going through the same thing as you even though they arent siblings. I once said in a meeting that we have to give ourselves credit as I dont believe many families go to meetings for help as it takes courage and I believe some people dont want to come forward, taking the steps to reach out for support is something to be proud of.. so keep going it will help you

Chino

If codependency causes you more pain than your siblings addiction, you might also want to consider CoDA (codependents anonymous).

splendra

(((Hess)))

I know how you feel listening to all the codie parents moan and groan. I took my mom to a meeting like that once she has never let me live it down either.

I found more sanity and recovery among the Alanon people than the Naranon groups. Drug addicts are "special" in that what they d is illegal and in most cases more costly than alcoholics they cause more chaos IMO too..

I have 3 siblings who are in varing stages of recovery. I hope so much that they can all get it and get over themselves.

I am sure that there must be a group somewhere that you can relate to if you really want it...

greeteachday

I think every group is different and sometimes it takes trying several different meetings to find the right one. I attended about 4 Alanons and a couple of Naranons before I found the one I felt was "home." For me, it didn't matter whether it was parents or spouses or siblings (and we are lucky - we have a little of all). Alanon or Naranon... It was all about the people. One of the great things about the group was they laughed and they made everyone welcome. Realizing that if I kept coming back and worked on me, I could learn to laugh again too was the greatest feeling of hope I had during those first few horrible months.

beautifulgirl

I give you major credit for going to your first meeting. Pat yourself on the back.

Hess

I will be continuing to go... I am really willing to try anything that might help me feel a little better about all of this. I think I was just put off by the fact that I actually felt a lot worse after going. Who knows maybe that's part of it, I'll have to feel a little worse before I feel a little better. Lets face it, my brother's been an addict for nearly a decade. If I am honest with myself, I realize that I have definitely been affected by it. No matter how far I have tried to distance myself from it all it has definitely torn me up inside over these years. I've never sought any help, or counseling or anything for it. So, what do I expect??? That I am going to feel happy now that I am trying to deal with all of that...
Anyway, thank you for listening!!!

splendra

(((((Hess)))

Healing comes in layers and it can be like peeling and onion and sometimes we cry....