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How do you begin to trust again?

Old 01-15-2011, 07:59 PM
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How do you begin to trust again?

Not just trust of the drug abuser but of everyone in general. Since everything i've seen and experienced the past couple of years i find myself doubting eveyone. i always feel like people are lying to me and i can't really tell anyone anything important bcause i can't bring myself to trust them. anyone else having/had this problem? how did you get through it?
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Old 01-15-2011, 08:29 PM
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Before you can trust others, you have to trust yourself. Start by defining your own boundaries, what is and is not acceptable for you and your child.

What good can come from associating with people who make poor choices?

You can't control other people or their choices. You can however control your own. You can choose to walk away from people who are on a self destructive path and are not worthy of your trust.
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:26 PM
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I have the same issue... but sometimes I think you just have to take a chance. We can still be good judges of character if we're careful.
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Old 01-15-2011, 09:33 PM
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I think i'm too carefull now lol i made one huge mistake last time i took a chance
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Old 01-16-2011, 08:22 AM
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I didn't start working on trust issues until I got active in 12 step programs. It still took a long time, but by exposing myself to healthy people who were already in recovery and further down the road than I was, I gradually began to open up.

Have you considered looking into Alanon or Naranon meetings in your area?
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Old 01-16-2011, 11:08 AM
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I wish I could tell you positive news about trust. My ah has been using secretly & lying to me for 6+ yrs. After 21 yrs of marriage. I have 30 employees, who with the exception of maybe 5, stir up drama & lie on a daily basis. Then I deal with theft and lies by customers from our business. On top of the quarterly robberies. We even had a person living behind one of our stores plugging an extension cord into the back of our building using our electricity. I have 4 teenagers, enough said. They only want you for the ATM you have become. I have a cousin who borrowed 500 until she got her Christmas bonus, for a plumbing problem, only to find out it was to pay a deposit for her married lover to pay an apartment deposit. Its been a year and I don't even hear from her anymore. And I just found out this year that my father, the most moral man I know, just had an affair. I have 3 friends whose husbands just walked in & left for other women without any notice. I just found out two other women in our neighborhood are sleeping with there best friends husbands.
I have isolated myself. I don't have but a couple of people in this world that I still trust and I am constantly waiting on them to let me down. So I don't talk to them often.
I don't have high regard for most people and trust is not a word in my vocabulary any more. Call me disillusioned.
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Old 01-17-2011, 07:47 AM
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Trust. BIG topic.

I trust in degrees. I trust myself first and foremost. Everyone else, I trust in degrees. Some people I place a lot of trust in (my husband and my mother). Others I place a very low level of trust in (employees and strangers.....lol). Everyone else in my life is somewhere on that scale between high and low levels of trust--the majority being in the mid to low level on that scale.

Trust goes hand in hand with acceptance in a way. I accept the fact that I cannot trust most people. I accept them at face value. I invest myself in the relationship to the degree that I can trust them. I can still enjoy being around them. I can still go bowling with them and have a great time. I can laugh. I just won't tell them my deepest darkest fears or secrets or lend them money thinking they'll really pay me back.

I use to expect perfection from everyone around me. Perfect trust. Perfect honesty. Perfect friendship. Perfect love. It was an unrealistic expection (and control issue) that I carried with me for years. I've learned that it wasn't others who were failing me......it was me failing myself and setting myself up for disappointment. It was a reflection of the way I was raised by people who had been raised with their own set of life's disappointments.

As I said, trust is such a huge topic. One that could be discussed from a bajillion different angles. Great topic! Thank you for posting. I'm looking foward to hearing other's feedback!

gentle hugs

Last edited by Kindeyes; 01-17-2011 at 07:48 AM. Reason: I forgot to give gentle hugs to everyone
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Old 01-17-2011, 10:53 AM
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I have the same problem. I cant really trust anyone now. As others pointed i think we should begin by trusting ourselves and instincts first.
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Old 01-20-2011, 03:57 AM
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I asked my counselor this just last week. She says probably not him, but others it comes, eventually its a long hard road and starts with knowing yourself and trusting your feelings and opinions.
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