Alexis0000

So here's the deal..

I'm 17 and my fiance is 21. We've been together for two years. He is a recovering alcoholic/druggy. When we first met two summers ago i was on the way to being an alcocholic drug addict as well. I would go over there and get drunk or take pills every day for a couple of months. I found out i was pregnant when i was 16 and now have a 6 month old son. he has tried to stop everything for me this past year, but he's had never ending relapses. He just started college and it seemed like everything was so good and now he's drunk and stranded in Salt Lake City somewhere and probably going to get arrested for doing something stupid. i also just found out he some how got a hold of meth "so he could sell it for a hotel room" but i know him and i know he can't have it on him without doing it all. It just feels like it's never going to end and i don't know what to do. Anyone have something similar or advice or anything?

i don't like still thinking everything he says to me is a lie. even small things like he's going to the gas station real quick or building me a bookshelf makes me feel suspicious and i hate it.

(sorry ahead of time if you guys read this in "family and friends of alcoholics" i originally posted part of this there but no one really talked and i just found out about the drugs)

BarelyHere

I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. I am in my late 40's & am going thru similar with ah. Constant lies, promises, & living on a rollercoaster. If you were my daughter I would tell you to take your young child and get as far away as possible. The both of you are too young to sentence yourselves to a life with this disease. I know thats easier said than done. But you are a mother and have to do whats best for both of you.
Good Luck. Will put you in my prayers.

lc1972

First sorry you are going through this especially when you have a baby to take care of. I will give you short version story and my experience so far dealing with my AH. When I met him he was clean and had been for over a year. Now fast forward 8 years and I have lost count of the relapses he has had in a 3-4 month period. It is now affecting my health and sanity and I am now on medication for anxiety. I have made an appt with a lawyer and I am getting my paperwork together. I will also tell you I grew up with a AF and it made my mom crazy. So I will not raise my children in a crazy making home neither will I continue to let myself be affected by it.

Please take care of you and your baby and try to remember that a child needs at least one healthy parent.

Hugs and prayers out to you

Lushwell

I truly understand the world of optical illusions, riddles, mysteries, tricks, deception and lies. Been on both sides of the fence. Like it or not, you have bought into the mind boggling circus that accompanies chemical dependency.

You state the BF is "a recovering alcoholic/druggy", and follow that with a sentence later, "he has tried to stop everything for me this past year, but he's had never ending relapses". He ain't recovering. That is a smoke screen he can toss out when called on his using and behavior. "Damn it, I'm trying". He's trying to maintain his addictions without consequence, and accountability is a consequence a user hates and rejects. The "in recovery" angle is a lie.

This is a message from the Emergency Broadcast System. This is not a test.

Get the hell out of there now. You two, by agreement, set sail on the seas in a ship. It is sinking. You are responsible for the welfare of yourself and your child. You cannot responsibly allow you or your child to remain on this sinking vessel while some pitifully misguided BF experiments with trying to keep his boat afloat by loading it down with rocks. Get out. Their are lifeboats standing by, staffed with skilled and caring people. They ain't the Red Cross, they're from Alanon. Follow their directions. They will rebuild your boat, help you steer a new course and make sure you are not alone out there on the sea. You will always have the option of acting as a beacon to the BF who chose to stay out there loading his boat down with rocks, expecting it to float. But only if you get you and your child out first. You can't act as a beacon if you are sunk to the bottom of the sea. I hate to break this to you, but addiction has a built in survival system. When the boat finally goes down, the disease will jump ship, leaving you to go to the bottom alone. Well, alone with an innocent child.

splendra

Dear ((((Alexis0000))))

It might seem like he has been taking care of you and your child. Someone who is on endless relaspe is not taking care of anything at all.

You are so very young and you have a child that is dependent on you. You are in an adult situation even though you are so young.

I am so glad you are here reachng out for help it seems like you really do need it. How is your living situation? Are you working? Who cares for your child when you are not around? Do you and your child have enough to eat?

It would seem to me that the most important thing for you to do right now is make sure you and your child have somewhere to live and enough food to eat and some sort of income to hep you meet your needs.

The father of your child is not capile of making good choices for you right now and it is up to you to take care, good care of you and your child. This is the best thing you can do for all concerned.

I am sure that if you are looking for help for yourself instead of trying to find a way to help your boy friend that it is out there. It might actually help him to get his act together if he knows you are more focused on yourself and your child than him.

Take good care dear and PLEASE KEEP POSTING IT HELPS A LOT.

Alexis0000

I live with my parents right now and no i'm not working i'm focusing on school. I graduated highschool a year early (bad choice cuz i would have been able to take free college classes my senior year)I started nursing school a few months ago but that is definitely not the way for me haha but i should be starting college to get my degree in biochemistry here in a few months. i'm definitely not counting on him to support us.

outtolunch

I do not think you can count on him for anything, right now.

Good to hear that you can fallback on your family.

splendra

(((((Alexis))))

You do deserve a chance to live a healthy life and so does your sweet child....Keep the focus on yourself and your little one and making your life great!

Kindeyes

For someone so young, you seem to have your life pointed in a positive direction. Stay focused on yourself and that baby.

I don't have any wise words for you. I have been a single parent and it's not easy. But it's good that you have a strong support network.

gentle hugs

Babyblue

All you can do is focus on your life and your baby. The two of you won't be able to count on your boyfriend as long as he is using.

He sounds like a long way off from recovery. That isn't to say he can't truly commit to it at some point but life goes on and he is making choices that are costing him his baby and gf.

Nothing you can do about that but step away and live your life in a healthy & sane way.
All of life's blessings are at your doorstep at this age. What path you chose will set you off in a happy and productive way; your child will blossom and you will be able to find happiness in yourself. No one else is going to do that for you