i cant do this..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 36
i cant do this..
i am so hurt. I have been so upset that i havent even been able to come here and bring my thoughts together to type. i dont know what to say or write. its like high school because we "broke up" so now hes in a "relationship" with a girl that just turned 18. She is half his age. I cant do this. So much I want to say that happened but I don't know how to even gather my thoughts right now. I can't believe I even write this.
I cant work, sleep or take care of my child. I sent him to school yesterday in the clothes from the day before. I just want to cry. All the time. I seriously can't function. I'm at work right now and am about to just leave and call him to get our son. I'm sorry...I don't know how to handle this all.
I cant work, sleep or take care of my child. I sent him to school yesterday in the clothes from the day before. I just want to cry. All the time. I seriously can't function. I'm at work right now and am about to just leave and call him to get our son. I'm sorry...I don't know how to handle this all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 36
I dont have a single friend in the world. I devoted my life to him. I always defended him no matter what. I have no one. My parents help with my son but I am not close with them and can't talk to them.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: scotland
Posts: 260
Hi Callie...welcome to SR, you are in the right place to get support and make a few friends along the way.
Time is a great healer, your doing the right thing getting it out. I have been where you are, not being able to function through upset & lack of sleep. Its very traumatic for you and I am so sorry to hear about your situation.... my little boy ( at the time ) was the one thing that kept me going. Your little boy needs his mum. you have to try and stay strong.
Time is a great healer, your doing the right thing getting it out. I have been where you are, not being able to function through upset & lack of sleep. Its very traumatic for you and I am so sorry to hear about your situation.... my little boy ( at the time ) was the one thing that kept me going. Your little boy needs his mum. you have to try and stay strong.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
You will be okay.
And you will make it.
Learn to embrace the notion that you are an individual in and of yourself. You are not half of a whole.
Looking back on one of my dark moments with a man (he cheated on me with one of my friends and they are now married), I thank God every single day that I didn't end up with him.
He didn't deserve me. I met a man who did. The idea that I could have ended up with "the jerk" makes me physically ill now.
It took a lot of time, healing, and exercise in self-love to get to that point. If I can do it, you can too.
Allow yourself time to grieve. Be gentle to yourself. Don't blame yourself. Then maybe you could come up with a plan to get back on your feet here.
You are loved! Please don't forget that.
And you will make it.
Learn to embrace the notion that you are an individual in and of yourself. You are not half of a whole.
Looking back on one of my dark moments with a man (he cheated on me with one of my friends and they are now married), I thank God every single day that I didn't end up with him.
He didn't deserve me. I met a man who did. The idea that I could have ended up with "the jerk" makes me physically ill now.
It took a lot of time, healing, and exercise in self-love to get to that point. If I can do it, you can too.
Allow yourself time to grieve. Be gentle to yourself. Don't blame yourself. Then maybe you could come up with a plan to get back on your feet here.
You are loved! Please don't forget that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
Callie, call your doctor and tell them you can't stop crying, then please call your parents and ask them to take your son. Please don't hand him over to an addict, you may not get him back for a while or not at all.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 66
callie- This is such a hard road for anyone. While I was with my AXBF for only 6 years my previous marriage was 13 and I was also 18 when I met him. My x-husband was an alcoholic but denied a problem. That wasn't why I left but I am sure contributed to it.
My advice to you is to take this one day, one minute, one second at a time. For yourself and your child you have to. Try to put your child first, do everything and anything you have to do for your child. This will keep you and while it won't keep your mind totally off of him it will help. Remember you and your child deserve better!
I read in your previous post that you are in love with the "old him." It takes awhile but you have to realize that is not who he is anymore. That him is gone. It took me a long time to realize that. You cannot change the choices he is making, he is the one making them. No matter what you say or do he has to make the choice.
His relationship with the younger girl I am sure is more out of "common interest" than anything else. Whatever the reason for it you have to know it is not because of you. He made the choice to do drugs, he made the choice to destroy the life he had and now he has made the choice to live the lifestyle he is.
My advice to you is to take this one day, one minute, one second at a time. For yourself and your child you have to. Try to put your child first, do everything and anything you have to do for your child. This will keep you and while it won't keep your mind totally off of him it will help. Remember you and your child deserve better!
I read in your previous post that you are in love with the "old him." It takes awhile but you have to realize that is not who he is anymore. That him is gone. It took me a long time to realize that. You cannot change the choices he is making, he is the one making them. No matter what you say or do he has to make the choice.
His relationship with the younger girl I am sure is more out of "common interest" than anything else. Whatever the reason for it you have to know it is not because of you. He made the choice to do drugs, he made the choice to destroy the life he had and now he has made the choice to live the lifestyle he is.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Texas
Posts: 66
Originally Posted by ZombieWife 
Looking back on one of my dark moments with a man (he cheated on me with one of my friends and they are now married), I thank God every single day that I didn't end up with him.
He didn't deserve me. I met a man who did. The idea that I could have ended up with "the jerk" makes me physically ill now.
Yankee
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Oklahoma
Posts: 183
Callie,
I am so sorry you are hurting like you are right now. I was in your position too. My son was 5 when I got with my exab. He had seen me cry & be depressed over the 8 years I was in that relationship. I have been single for 5 years, and even though I think of my exab often, and am still hurt & jaded from my expierences, I am so much better now. I work my program (I also have a brother who is an addict/alcoholic so I need the program) and I am living my life now. I too thought the world would end, I put myself on antidepressants, called in sick to work all the time, lost a job or two due to it...I have been through it all, all of what you are going through. I tell you this girl, from the bottom of my heart...you WILL be ok if you want to be...YOU have a choice in this. Your son needs you. I wish I knew then on how good it could really be without him, then I wouldnt of stayed so long.....
I am so sorry you are hurting like you are right now. I was in your position too. My son was 5 when I got with my exab. He had seen me cry & be depressed over the 8 years I was in that relationship. I have been single for 5 years, and even though I think of my exab often, and am still hurt & jaded from my expierences, I am so much better now. I work my program (I also have a brother who is an addict/alcoholic so I need the program) and I am living my life now. I too thought the world would end, I put myself on antidepressants, called in sick to work all the time, lost a job or two due to it...I have been through it all, all of what you are going through. I tell you this girl, from the bottom of my heart...you WILL be ok if you want to be...YOU have a choice in this. Your son needs you. I wish I knew then on how good it could really be without him, then I wouldnt of stayed so long.....
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
callie- until recently i would not have been able to say this, but you have no idea how lucky you are! let him have that new girl, that keeps him out of your hair. i only hope my alo would find another guy to latch on to. its impossibleto see it that way now since it is so fresh. i forget your entire story, but give your kid the attention that the addict was robbing from you. all that you wantto invest in him, invest in the child. the child is worth it, the addict is not at leat not right now.
as i have learned, you will feel better and more confident about your role in this. it takes time and experience, but you can get there.
as i have learned, you will feel better and more confident about your role in this. it takes time and experience, but you can get there.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Originally Posted by myernie
My best friend and I call this "getting the booby prize." Do you want the booby prize or does it seem a lot better that she gets him in the long run? A lot of times if there is competition between women over a man it becomes more about winning than what the prize actually is. Is he a booby prize? (Probably so!)
But, they both have their "booby prize." They are absolutely perfect for one another. As for them getting any kind of "comeuppance," well, they'll have to live with the fact that their happiness is built on the pain of another. They may make up some silly story to their grandkids on how they met, but they'll know the truth, deep down.
And now, there's really no feeling for either of them. Not hate, not regret. Once you see how you deserve to be treated and notice the beauty in your life that has nothing to do with a poisonous snake like my ex (and other ex's out there), it removes itself from the radar.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 131
Callie, That is a really bad feeling. Believe me I know. When I had my first child my husband cheated with me with someone else while I was in the hospital. It was heartwrenching. I know it is not the same situation but I can relate in a sense.
I am going through a tough time too. Hec, I just posted a topic that said I was crying but I pushed myself along. Even when you feel so sad you have to push yourself to take good care of you and your child. When you do you it temporarily makes you feel better. You can't wallow in sadness if you are too busy to wallow.
Feel better, concentrate on you and your child.
I am going through a tough time too. Hec, I just posted a topic that said I was crying but I pushed myself along. Even when you feel so sad you have to push yourself to take good care of you and your child. When you do you it temporarily makes you feel better. You can't wallow in sadness if you are too busy to wallow.
Feel better, concentrate on you and your child.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 36
just wanted to send a quick update that I'm feeling a bit better. My son was at school when I posted this and my dad picked him up and he stated with him overnight and all day Saturday. Then my sister took him to a movie and he didn't come home until late Sat. night.
After this weekend I know that I need a lot of help with this. I cried so much this weekend that I lost my voice almost. I quite literally could not pull myself together. We talked a lot this weekend about how things have been between us the last year or so and were able to make some very good progress with our communication with each other.
I know I need to make a plan on what I need to do and how to handle this. I haven't done that yet. I will post more about it later.
After this weekend I know that I need a lot of help with this. I cried so much this weekend that I lost my voice almost. I quite literally could not pull myself together. We talked a lot this weekend about how things have been between us the last year or so and were able to make some very good progress with our communication with each other.
I know I need to make a plan on what I need to do and how to handle this. I haven't done that yet. I will post more about it later.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 36
Originally Posted by beautifulgirl
Callie, That is a really bad feeling. Believe me I know. When I had my first child my husband cheated with me with someone else while I was in the hospital. It was heartwrenching. I know it is not the same situation but I can relate in a sense.
I am going through a tough time too. Hec, I just posted a topic that said I was crying but I pushed myself along. Even when you feel so sad you have to push yourself to take good care of you and your child. When you do you it temporarily makes you feel better. You can't wallow in sadness if you are too busy to wallow.
Feel better, concentrate on you and your child.
I am going through a tough time too. Hec, I just posted a topic that said I was crying but I pushed myself along. Even when you feel so sad you have to push yourself to take good care of you and your child. When you do you it temporarily makes you feel better. You can't wallow in sadness if you are too busy to wallow.
Feel better, concentrate on you and your child.
But when I was in the hospital, he had a crack pipe and kept using the bathroom in my room to smoke it. I caught him with it at one point when there were no nurses in the room. He hid it in his sock and he had a severe burn from it. (Because someone went in the bathroom and thats when he showed me what was in his sock.) It still is badly scarred almost 7 years later. Eventually he just went home for a few hours after his mom showed up. Then came back just in time.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
