Looking for some advice on how to become unobsessed
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 21
Looking for some advice on how to become unobsessed
I am new to this site, but have spent hours online and reading about addiction and trying to understand it. I feel like in a year and a half I went from on top of MY world to completely in tuned to his. He started with a pill here and there, I didn't see it as I have never really been around drugs all that much, moved on to lots of pills and then on to heroin. He has been to detox 5 times, and this time agreed to a 30 day rehab program.
I didn't realize until the past few months that I actually became obsessed with him being okay and getting help, no matter how bad he hurt my soul. I also am just realizing all the hurting I ignored is slapping me in the face very rapidly, and I have no trust left, insecurity and jealousy that I didn't know was there is emerging even when I know how bad it is for his recovery.
I wanted him to get help, but never considered how it would make me feel, I never could have imagined I could be so selfish, but these are what I feel and I am trying not to ignore that. He is in a co ed facility which makes me very uncomfortable, I get its my issue, trust me I hate that I feel it, I have found a counselor I am seeing twice a week and am attending my first alanon meeting this week hoping it helps, I love him so much yet I am so freaking mad at him too and it has pretty much pushed him away, I am looking for advice on how to move on and put my head in a better place. I need to stop thinking of him 24/7, I just don't know where to start!
I didn't realize until the past few months that I actually became obsessed with him being okay and getting help, no matter how bad he hurt my soul. I also am just realizing all the hurting I ignored is slapping me in the face very rapidly, and I have no trust left, insecurity and jealousy that I didn't know was there is emerging even when I know how bad it is for his recovery.
I wanted him to get help, but never considered how it would make me feel, I never could have imagined I could be so selfish, but these are what I feel and I am trying not to ignore that. He is in a co ed facility which makes me very uncomfortable, I get its my issue, trust me I hate that I feel it, I have found a counselor I am seeing twice a week and am attending my first alanon meeting this week hoping it helps, I love him so much yet I am so freaking mad at him too and it has pretty much pushed him away, I am looking for advice on how to move on and put my head in a better place. I need to stop thinking of him 24/7, I just don't know where to start!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
lost...
You are already doing it! But it takes time.....sometimes lots of time. And it takes effort.....lots of effort.
You are seeing a therapist and you are going to begin attending Alanon meetings. That IS the way to begin your journey to getting healthy. You already recognize that the feelings you are experiencing are not healthy or you wouldn't be seeking help. Just that acknowledgement is HUGE!
We say a lot of things around here that may sound trite to some but these sayings keep my head on straight.....
One Day at a time.
Baby steps.
Progress...not perfection.
Let go and Let God (or the variation on that one...Let go or be dragged)
Keep coming back.
It works if you work it.
And the Daddy of great things to recite over and over......The Serenity Prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdome to know the difference
A great take off on the Serenity Prayer:
Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the people I can
And the wisdom to know......it's me.
gentle hugs
You are already doing it! But it takes time.....sometimes lots of time. And it takes effort.....lots of effort.
You are seeing a therapist and you are going to begin attending Alanon meetings. That IS the way to begin your journey to getting healthy. You already recognize that the feelings you are experiencing are not healthy or you wouldn't be seeking help. Just that acknowledgement is HUGE!
We say a lot of things around here that may sound trite to some but these sayings keep my head on straight.....
One Day at a time.
Baby steps.
Progress...not perfection.
Let go and Let God (or the variation on that one...Let go or be dragged)
Keep coming back.
It works if you work it.
And the Daddy of great things to recite over and over......The Serenity Prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdome to know the difference
A great take off on the Serenity Prayer:
Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change
The courage to change the people I can
And the wisdom to know......it's me.
gentle hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: In a good place
Posts: 4,482
If you have any hobbies, immerse yourself in them. If you don't have hobbies, find some that interest you. It's tough breaking the habit of focusing on them and putting the focus back on ourselves. I had no idea how much of my life I discarded for my daughter, until I almost lost it.
Good for you in taking the first steps for yourself, you are worth it
Good for you in taking the first steps for yourself, you are worth it
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
Hello, Lost, and a big Welcome to the sober recovery forum.
There are a zillion of us here on this site that know exactly how you are feeling.
If you are at all like me, you want to just take that "un" pill right this minute, so that you can start to feel relief, and start to feel like a normal human being again, and so you can get your life back.
You wish you could be un-connected, un-obsessed, un-fearful, un-burdened, un-resentful, and probably a thousand other un's.
But it doesn't work that way, does it?
The thing that's been one of the hardest for me, over the years, is the waiting, and the figuring things out, and the changes that need to take place. Even when I wanted them so badly, I couldn't seem to make them happen.
It's a process.
The very best advice I can give you, is to keep coming back to this site. It's really a wealth of information, and help for all of us.
For me, well, it changed my life.
After almost a year, many many things have changed in my life, and I can say that I am pretty close to being happy.
I certainly feel grounded, and that's huge.
Please continue to see the therapist, and be really honest with him/her. There is a way out, and it is through better emotional and mental health. The healthier you become, the less you wish to tolerate un-healthy people. Hopefully your guy will grow with you. But if he does not, that's no reason for you to give up your program. You will be so glad you did.
There are a zillion of us here on this site that know exactly how you are feeling.
If you are at all like me, you want to just take that "un" pill right this minute, so that you can start to feel relief, and start to feel like a normal human being again, and so you can get your life back.
You wish you could be un-connected, un-obsessed, un-fearful, un-burdened, un-resentful, and probably a thousand other un's.
But it doesn't work that way, does it?
The thing that's been one of the hardest for me, over the years, is the waiting, and the figuring things out, and the changes that need to take place. Even when I wanted them so badly, I couldn't seem to make them happen.
It's a process.
The very best advice I can give you, is to keep coming back to this site. It's really a wealth of information, and help for all of us.
For me, well, it changed my life.
After almost a year, many many things have changed in my life, and I can say that I am pretty close to being happy.
I certainly feel grounded, and that's huge.
Please continue to see the therapist, and be really honest with him/her. There is a way out, and it is through better emotional and mental health. The healthier you become, the less you wish to tolerate un-healthy people. Hopefully your guy will grow with you. But if he does not, that's no reason for you to give up your program. You will be so glad you did.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 21
thank you all so much, I have felt so alone, my family and friends are so fed up that he is still a part of my life I barely speak to them anymore. I just read a sticky thread on codependancy and see I am clearly progressive, I think my jealousy did actually play a part in the final straw of our relationship today, and I feel so bitter that I gave up my security without realizing it due to all the lying with the addiction. I expect him to help in my recovery as I have tried to in his for so long and its just not realistic to feel how I do. I just want to shake my brain and make it better
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