Cunning, Baffling and yes oh so Powerful. . .
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
Cunning, Baffling and yes oh so Powerful. . .
This is an acurate description of the disease of alcoholism and addiction.
It is also an acurate descrption of the FAMILY disease of alcoholism and addiction . . .
So powerful is the draw, the desire, the need in "me" to want to DO more, to help, to fix, to change, to help, to this or that - ya know?
AAAh but the voice that now lives inside me says - "Hellllooo silly woman - you know better than that"
My wonderful hubby, although not new to this disease (he has his family that has problems too) - very very new to handling it thru a recovery stand point - wants to "do more" too -
He too wants to help this beautiful daughter - this one that has so much potential when sober - this one that has stolen his heart, that he loves as a duaghter too - this one that is such an awesome young lady - when not in the depths of her disease. AND remember now - She's my step-daughter - so we have really crossed some tough stuff to continue to keep our relationship together and she has wonderfully accepted my new life and new hubby!
She's using again; her & her BF break up; he tells her she has to move out & she can't take their son; she can no longer pick up her daughter; she goes out; she's dancing/drinking or whatever; she falls breaks 2 bones in her ankle.
Major FLASHBACK for me ~ This is very typical behaviors for her and her father (my ex ah) when things aren't going their way - a drama is created for them to get pills, sympathy and attention - It is their pattern.
So I limit my conversations with her - I check on her, if her speach is not too bad, we talk a few mins - if it is then I know she's under the influence to much for me to talk to her.
Today, I prayed for her, for me, and for all of us affected by this disease.
I read literature, I texted a recovery friend and I prayed. Then I prayed again.
Because I am powerless over alcohol, drugs, alcoholics and addicts - but I am not powerless over myself or my mind - i can do something about my obsessions - I can give them to the God of my understanding.
Thanks once again for letting me "voice" my struggles, my pain, and my attempts to keep doing the Next Right thing.
PINK HUGS,
Rita
It is also an acurate descrption of the FAMILY disease of alcoholism and addiction . . .
So powerful is the draw, the desire, the need in "me" to want to DO more, to help, to fix, to change, to help, to this or that - ya know?
AAAh but the voice that now lives inside me says - "Hellllooo silly woman - you know better than that"
My wonderful hubby, although not new to this disease (he has his family that has problems too) - very very new to handling it thru a recovery stand point - wants to "do more" too -
He too wants to help this beautiful daughter - this one that has so much potential when sober - this one that has stolen his heart, that he loves as a duaghter too - this one that is such an awesome young lady - when not in the depths of her disease. AND remember now - She's my step-daughter - so we have really crossed some tough stuff to continue to keep our relationship together and she has wonderfully accepted my new life and new hubby!
She's using again; her & her BF break up; he tells her she has to move out & she can't take their son; she can no longer pick up her daughter; she goes out; she's dancing/drinking or whatever; she falls breaks 2 bones in her ankle.
Major FLASHBACK for me ~ This is very typical behaviors for her and her father (my ex ah) when things aren't going their way - a drama is created for them to get pills, sympathy and attention - It is their pattern.
So I limit my conversations with her - I check on her, if her speach is not too bad, we talk a few mins - if it is then I know she's under the influence to much for me to talk to her.
Today, I prayed for her, for me, and for all of us affected by this disease.
I read literature, I texted a recovery friend and I prayed. Then I prayed again.
Because I am powerless over alcohol, drugs, alcoholics and addicts - but I am not powerless over myself or my mind - i can do something about my obsessions - I can give them to the God of my understanding.
Thanks once again for letting me "voice" my struggles, my pain, and my attempts to keep doing the Next Right thing.
PINK HUGS,
Rita
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 774
rita-
i am sorry to hear about your girl and her struggles. since i have been here, it hurts me more and more reading about relapses. i guess i understand it more now. i am glad you are able to keep your center and that is inspiring.
i am sorry to hear about your girl and her struggles. since i have been here, it hurts me more and more reading about relapses. i guess i understand it more now. i am glad you are able to keep your center and that is inspiring.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Rita
Yes. Addiction can be powerful.....but recovery can be just as powerful.
You are maintaining your balance and great attitude. You are an inspiration.
I hope she finds her way back again. She'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
Yes. Addiction can be powerful.....but recovery can be just as powerful.
You are maintaining your balance and great attitude. You are an inspiration.
I hope she finds her way back again. She'll be in my prayers.
gentle hugs
Living in a Pinkful Place
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
UPDATE:
Have talked with Ashley several times
Discovered I needed to be honest with HER and with myself on a few things -
Needed to tell her that from my perspective she was treating people like she was "better than them" (which from experience with active addicts - they tend to do that to help themselves feel better on the inside) and that NO ONE deserves that.
Shared with her that I could see BF's side also - he has fear motivated actions right now too.
She cried and thanked me for always being honest with her - She said she really doesn't have many ppl that will be fully honest with her. She knows I'm one of them - Honest but still kind.
She will have surgery on Thursday - This will be a great challenge for her - It's her path - I can't do anything but allow her to walk it . . .
and
pray
breathe in, breathe out . . .
Have talked with Ashley several times
Discovered I needed to be honest with HER and with myself on a few things -
Needed to tell her that from my perspective she was treating people like she was "better than them" (which from experience with active addicts - they tend to do that to help themselves feel better on the inside) and that NO ONE deserves that.
Shared with her that I could see BF's side also - he has fear motivated actions right now too.
She cried and thanked me for always being honest with her - She said she really doesn't have many ppl that will be fully honest with her. She knows I'm one of them - Honest but still kind.
She will have surgery on Thursday - This will be a great challenge for her - It's her path - I can't do anything but allow her to walk it . . .
and
pray
breathe in, breathe out . . .
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