BarelyHere

I have been here reading for over a week. I don't have any experience with drug abuse personally. But I am learning. I found out a month ago that my spouse of 20 yrs has been using opiates in large quantities for 6 years. I caught him 5 yrs ago with cough syrup. He detoxed and said he was fine. 2 yrs ago I accidentally caught him in a business drug screen meant to catch someone else. He detoxed on his own and since then has told me over & over he is doing good. About a year ago & a half ago I insisted we see a marriage counselor, because nothing in our life was OK. He told our counselor that he was clean. I have accused him of affairs, etc... I just knew the man I loved for 15 yrs wasn't the same one I had lived with for the last 5+. I have heavily suspected for the last year that he was using something, just couldn't catch him. Every question was turned into a fight over not trusting him & nothing will ever be the same since I can't trust him. But we went away before Christmas on a trip & he was sick the entire time. I knew he was detoxing. When we got home, I told him I wasn't stupid he could deny if he wanted but I was done. He broke down & told me he was an addict. He is clean now, but since then has went into a rage two nights on alcohol. He asked me to get rid of all the alcohol. I have. We went to see our counselor. I have him going to a facility next week. He sounds great now. He sounds strong. But I'm not sure what my future looks like. We have two teenage children. I am trying so hard to be protective of them. I haven't told anyone & I feel so isolated. I have found myself detaching from everything. Any advice would be helpful. Thanks for listening

Kindeyes

Welcome to SR.......I'm glad you found us but I'm so very sorry about the reasons that have brought you our way.

First.......you are not alone.

There are so many of us here who understand what it is like to love an addict. It's hard. And it tears our world apart. Addiction is a family disease and we become so engrossed in it (arguing, accusing, trying to "fix" them, doing the detective routine, etc.) that we begin to get sucked down the vortex with them. It's a horrible horrible feeling.

But there is hope.

Please stick around. It is possible to find peace and serenity.......whether our loved one is using or not.

Some suggestions:
Read the stickies at the top of this forum.
Read CoDependent No More by Melody Beattie
Attend Naranon or Alanon meetings

These tools are how many of us began (and continue) our path back to sanity.

gentle hugs

Callie

Welcome and I'm so sorry you are here. Your story sounds exactly like mine. I had no clue for the most part along the way, but knew my marriage wasn't 'ok'. This was prior to the last few years when it escalated out of control. Read the stickies above, I'd recomment reading Melodie Beatty's Codependent No More. It's a great book. More will be along shortly. This is a great place. Pull up a chair, grab a cup of coffee and read. My xah and I were together 22 years. High School sweethearts. For 20 of those years, I was oblivious to the fact that my husband was a drug addict.

litehorse

barely - i am so sorry that you are experiencing this - but you have certainly come to a place that will provide hope, encouragement and strength to take care of yourself and your kids - i will pray for you and your familly -

BarelyHere

Thank you all so much for the kindness, prayers & advice.

tam

welcome to SR, sorry you had to find us but want to say you will be thankful. the advice, support, information here truly saved me.
like callie and you and others, I too married my hs sweetheart, we were married 26 years.
13 years ago he had a drinking/cocaine addiction and went to rehab and stayed sober for 4 years.
he relapsed 8 years ago on pain meds. over the past 8 years history repeated itself , he changed, it affected me, our finances and ultimately our marriage.
it wasnt a fun ride for me.
we are currently going through a divorce , not another fun ride either.

I wish I knew years ago what I know today, but its never too late to find happiness and live a life you deserve.

please stick around, keep reading posts and stickies and continue with support you will gain so much knowledge and strength to do what you feel is right for YOU and your children.

hang in there.

newnormal4me

It is encouraging that he has finally broke down to you and admitted he is an addict. That is a big hurdle in my opinion. However, from being here, I also know that it is just the beginning and requires a ton of hard work and constant commitment on the addict's part to get through it. I hope he has it in him for not only his sake, but for your family's.

The key for you will be learning as much as you can about your position in all of this, and seeking healing and recovery on your part. I just purchased codependent no more, and oh my goodness, it is me to a "t". I wish I would have purchased the book when I first came here and heard about it. I am not too far into it, but it is so spot on for me, I can't wait to finish it!

Take care.