If this is the right thing, why does it feel so bad?
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
[QUOTE=keepinon;2840232]You need to hold your boundaries..it gets easier with practice.
Do you mean I will need to do this over and over? You are scaring me a little....
The problem I have is that I've had extra kids at my house all day, and currently have a boy in a wheelchair who is visiting us from a group home, (he came from an abusive childhood and I don't want to expose him to any family trauma). I hate to subject any children to the situation, especially children that are not mine! It's hard enough on my own girls, especially my 15 year old who worries about him the most.
I know it sounds like excuses, and perhaps it is....but is timing crucial?
It seems our lives have evolved around AS and his problems for so long (7 months) that we've forgotten what "normal" is any more.
My son has been hiding out in his room all day.....
Do you mean I will need to do this over and over? You are scaring me a little....
The problem I have is that I've had extra kids at my house all day, and currently have a boy in a wheelchair who is visiting us from a group home, (he came from an abusive childhood and I don't want to expose him to any family trauma). I hate to subject any children to the situation, especially children that are not mine! It's hard enough on my own girls, especially my 15 year old who worries about him the most.
I know it sounds like excuses, and perhaps it is....but is timing crucial?
It seems our lives have evolved around AS and his problems for so long (7 months) that we've forgotten what "normal" is any more.
My son has been hiding out in his room all day.....
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Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
I am truly sorry that your son got addicted to pain medication while serving his country.
I think Freedom1990 said it best, and that is first and foremost he has got to come to the realization that he has an addiction problem. As soon as he faces that he will then have the choice to get the help he needs.
Speaking from tons of experience with a drug addict, there is nothing you can do but support them when they are ready to seek out the help themselves. Believe me, there is tons of help out there, they just have to ask.
My son is currently in a rehab where he is being treated for dual diagnosis problems. He has been in and out of prison/jail for the past thirty years! He finally came to the conclusion that he has a problem.
You just can't do it for him. Just keep praying one day he will be ready.
Hugs, Devastated
I think Freedom1990 said it best, and that is first and foremost he has got to come to the realization that he has an addiction problem. As soon as he faces that he will then have the choice to get the help he needs.
Speaking from tons of experience with a drug addict, there is nothing you can do but support them when they are ready to seek out the help themselves. Believe me, there is tons of help out there, they just have to ask.
My son is currently in a rehab where he is being treated for dual diagnosis problems. He has been in and out of prison/jail for the past thirty years! He finally came to the conclusion that he has a problem.
You just can't do it for him. Just keep praying one day he will be ready.
Hugs, Devastated
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
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Wow, thirty years! I don't know if I could do this for thirty years.
You all have much more experience and wisdom than I, in dealing with this. I truly appreciate all of the support. I hope someday I will be strong enough to pass it on....and support someone else who needs it.
Tonight I am in emotional pain over this again...but coming to this site has helped me to not feel alone.
You all have much more experience and wisdom than I, in dealing with this. I truly appreciate all of the support. I hope someday I will be strong enough to pass it on....and support someone else who needs it.
Tonight I am in emotional pain over this again...but coming to this site has helped me to not feel alone.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: minneapolis, mn
Posts: 2,762
redbud,
we come to this site, and encourage one another to take care of what is ours. at the end of the day, that is only ourself.
but....i have to say, it seems very much as though your son needs an advocate. i do not think it should be you, for several reasons. i am appalled at the many instances of mistreatment to your son by our military, and although i personally am disgusted by the amount of litigation that occurs in our country today, from the surface, it sure appears as though this sitch has lawsuit written all over it.
i truly believe that an attorney should be sought out.
but, prior to that, seek guidance from your local congressman, or state senator. don't mean to get political here, but hopefully you have a democrat in one of those offices. you/your son needs an advocate, and someone with some power would likely be more effective.
yes, freedom is right, that his addiction needs to be addressed, and for true progress, needs to be arrested. but this vulnerable young man is not only in trouble, he has been treated shamefully, by those we have instructed him to trust.
in the meantime, you have done no wrong. you are not the culpable ones here. you have every right to expect, and demand, peace in your household. AND, you have a minor child who has that right - she is still in your care.
peace...
we come to this site, and encourage one another to take care of what is ours. at the end of the day, that is only ourself.
but....i have to say, it seems very much as though your son needs an advocate. i do not think it should be you, for several reasons. i am appalled at the many instances of mistreatment to your son by our military, and although i personally am disgusted by the amount of litigation that occurs in our country today, from the surface, it sure appears as though this sitch has lawsuit written all over it.
i truly believe that an attorney should be sought out.
but, prior to that, seek guidance from your local congressman, or state senator. don't mean to get political here, but hopefully you have a democrat in one of those offices. you/your son needs an advocate, and someone with some power would likely be more effective.
yes, freedom is right, that his addiction needs to be addressed, and for true progress, needs to be arrested. but this vulnerable young man is not only in trouble, he has been treated shamefully, by those we have instructed him to trust.
in the meantime, you have done no wrong. you are not the culpable ones here. you have every right to expect, and demand, peace in your household. AND, you have a minor child who has that right - she is still in your care.
peace...
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Originally Posted by redbud 
I know it sounds like excuses, and perhaps it is....but is timing crucial?
In my daughter's first few months of recovery I didn't have anyone over at my house if she was there, because of her mood swings and recent drug use. I wasn't willing to take the chance that she would relapse or act out with guests around, creating uncomfortable scenes for innocent bystanders. I learned that lesson the hard way, too.
Wow, thirty years! I don't know if I could do this for thirty years.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
yes you will have to learn to hold boundaries with everyone in your life and it does take practice and it does get easier...the problem with not following through is that you ruin your credibility yet again...making it easier for the next boundary to be crossed.Empty threats are part of the merry go round of addiction..when the follow thru comes in, things begin to change..maybe not for him(although there is a good chance) but for you..
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Location: foothills of north carolina
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Coffeedrinker,
You are not the first person who's told me to pursue some sort of action. Friends and family who know my son are outraged as well. I can tell you if I hadn't gotten involved while he was still in the military, he would have died while enlisted. There were phone calls I made to the Chief; telling him they were overmedicating my son. Telling him he was not acting right. Telling him to get over to his apartment NOW! If my son would have died it would have been deemed another military suicide. When actually it's like they handed him the weapon....the meds.
Chino,
Yeah, I made a bad call allowing all of the "houseguests" over the weekend. We had spent most of the summer not allowing the girls to have friends. We cancelled our annual Christmas party, and cancelled my mother in law coming for Christmas. My stepdaughter came, and spent alot of the time crying because she felt so bad for my son (she hadn't seen him in 5 years, and with her hubby being military she understands).
But, things had gone so well this week I threw caution to the wind and wanted to fill the house with teenagers and let the girls have some fun. Silly me....
None of the kids noticed that my son was using, as he stayed in his room alot, but I could tell.
keepinon,
I do know what you're saying about credibility. The thing is, he has spent the day in his room, discretely crying.
Yes, I have alot to learn for sure.
Thank you all for your wise words.
You are not the first person who's told me to pursue some sort of action. Friends and family who know my son are outraged as well. I can tell you if I hadn't gotten involved while he was still in the military, he would have died while enlisted. There were phone calls I made to the Chief; telling him they were overmedicating my son. Telling him he was not acting right. Telling him to get over to his apartment NOW! If my son would have died it would have been deemed another military suicide. When actually it's like they handed him the weapon....the meds.
Chino,
Yeah, I made a bad call allowing all of the "houseguests" over the weekend. We had spent most of the summer not allowing the girls to have friends. We cancelled our annual Christmas party, and cancelled my mother in law coming for Christmas. My stepdaughter came, and spent alot of the time crying because she felt so bad for my son (she hadn't seen him in 5 years, and with her hubby being military she understands).
But, things had gone so well this week I threw caution to the wind and wanted to fill the house with teenagers and let the girls have some fun. Silly me....
None of the kids noticed that my son was using, as he stayed in his room alot, but I could tell.
keepinon,
I do know what you're saying about credibility. The thing is, he has spent the day in his room, discretely crying.
Yes, I have alot to learn for sure.
Thank you all for your wise words.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
Coffeedrinker (I love coffee too, by the way!),
I am okay....have been making lots of calls to VA (they never call back), Nami reps, etc. My son is still in the house, but will not come out of his room....for days he has been isolating himself and crying. He will not talk to us, and it's as if he's drowning. Last night we didn't see him or hear him moving around for hours, and at midnight my husband and I looked at each other and knew we were thinking the same thing. So, we finally opened his door and looked, and he was asleep. Such relief, but sadness at the situation. I cannot put him out of the house, as he is having significant problems...perhaps paranoia, but definitely dispair. The question is....what can we do?
I have been hoping to find a "veteran whisperer", lol, who could come in and talk to him in a way that he would be willing to listen.
I have been reading "I'm not sick, I don't need help", as well as a book about addiction called, "why don't they just quit". I feel like things are heading toward a full blown crisis.
The family is trying to go on about our business....but how do you ignore the elephant in the room?? This is far more than addiction, and at this point it has been clear how much he depends on the drugs to medicate what's going on in his head. Since he is out of the medications that he is supposed to take, and has no money to get drugs, he is suffering. Of course, the answers that seem so easy to us, are insurmountable to him.
Thanks for asking....
I am sad, but trying to take care of myself and the family.
I am okay....have been making lots of calls to VA (they never call back), Nami reps, etc. My son is still in the house, but will not come out of his room....for days he has been isolating himself and crying. He will not talk to us, and it's as if he's drowning. Last night we didn't see him or hear him moving around for hours, and at midnight my husband and I looked at each other and knew we were thinking the same thing. So, we finally opened his door and looked, and he was asleep. Such relief, but sadness at the situation. I cannot put him out of the house, as he is having significant problems...perhaps paranoia, but definitely dispair. The question is....what can we do?
I have been hoping to find a "veteran whisperer", lol, who could come in and talk to him in a way that he would be willing to listen.
I have been reading "I'm not sick, I don't need help", as well as a book about addiction called, "why don't they just quit". I feel like things are heading toward a full blown crisis.
The family is trying to go on about our business....but how do you ignore the elephant in the room?? This is far more than addiction, and at this point it has been clear how much he depends on the drugs to medicate what's going on in his head. Since he is out of the medications that he is supposed to take, and has no money to get drugs, he is suffering. Of course, the answers that seem so easy to us, are insurmountable to him.
Thanks for asking....
I am sad, but trying to take care of myself and the family.
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Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
Oh, and I don't think I've mentioned that the military lost all of my sons medical records prior to his last base.
There are no medical records for the first two years he served. Thus, the blow to his head has no documentation. (Nor his knee injury, or a shoulder injury). He can no longer rock climb or ride a bike or play the guitar (he's a classical guitarist), can not raise his arm above his shoulder, or run or jog or lift weights or lift anything heavy.
Everything he loved to do, he cannot do.
He also has said that although he graduated top of his class, he can no longer read even two pages of a book.
So, although I get angry about the addiction and the entire situation, it has circled back to....."this is not his fault".
As far as I'm concerned, somebody owes him something....a lifeline... (and I don't mean money). But, who??
There are no medical records for the first two years he served. Thus, the blow to his head has no documentation. (Nor his knee injury, or a shoulder injury). He can no longer rock climb or ride a bike or play the guitar (he's a classical guitarist), can not raise his arm above his shoulder, or run or jog or lift weights or lift anything heavy.
Everything he loved to do, he cannot do.
He also has said that although he graduated top of his class, he can no longer read even two pages of a book.
So, although I get angry about the addiction and the entire situation, it has circled back to....."this is not his fault".
As far as I'm concerned, somebody owes him something....a lifeline... (and I don't mean money). But, who??
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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(((((Redbud)))))
I am late chiming in as I have been sick, however I have read this whole thread and I am appalled at what has happened to your son.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and watching your son disintegrate, but am grateful you found SR!
Unfortunately, this is not the first case I have heard or known about where the military and VA has been non responsive and actually exacerbated the problems.
I think it would be an excellent idea to contact your federal congressman and Senator and lay the whole thing out for them. Another person to contact, is Senator John McCain, although he is a republican, and represents Arizona, he has helped several from different states with husbands, sons, brothers that have been treated like your son. He is on a couple of committees that deal with the Pentagon and the Military.
I am glad you went to an AlAnon meeting and are posting here. I know we cannot be with you in person, but please know that we are with you in spirit. When you are feeling down, just picture the room you are in filled with all of us from SR, it does help.
Is there any Alateen in your area that your daughters might attend? The counselors at their school(s) might know. It would be a help for them to be with their peers, peers who are also dealing with an A (whether it is is a father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, etc) in their lives.
Even though you may not think so, your writings and postings show that you are a strong woman and are doing the best that you can with a horrible situation.
Yes, your son has to WANT help to a degree. However, is their a chapter of Disabled American Veterans (DAV) in your area that you could give him the address and phone number and just say that he will find folks there that are going through what he is going through. Even if he just goes, sits, has a cup of coffee or two and listens to other DAVs and their problems, it just might help him to realize he is not alone, it could be a first step toward him asking for help.
I have 'earmarked' this thread and will not be so lax in the future, just if its to give you some 'moral' support.
Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
I am late chiming in as I have been sick, however I have read this whole thread and I am appalled at what has happened to your son.
I am so sorry you are dealing with this, and watching your son disintegrate, but am grateful you found SR!
Unfortunately, this is not the first case I have heard or known about where the military and VA has been non responsive and actually exacerbated the problems.
I think it would be an excellent idea to contact your federal congressman and Senator and lay the whole thing out for them. Another person to contact, is Senator John McCain, although he is a republican, and represents Arizona, he has helped several from different states with husbands, sons, brothers that have been treated like your son. He is on a couple of committees that deal with the Pentagon and the Military.
I am glad you went to an AlAnon meeting and are posting here. I know we cannot be with you in person, but please know that we are with you in spirit. When you are feeling down, just picture the room you are in filled with all of us from SR, it does help.
Is there any Alateen in your area that your daughters might attend? The counselors at their school(s) might know. It would be a help for them to be with their peers, peers who are also dealing with an A (whether it is is a father, mother, brother, sister, uncle, aunt, etc) in their lives.
Even though you may not think so, your writings and postings show that you are a strong woman and are doing the best that you can with a horrible situation.
Yes, your son has to WANT help to a degree. However, is their a chapter of Disabled American Veterans (DAV) in your area that you could give him the address and phone number and just say that he will find folks there that are going through what he is going through. Even if he just goes, sits, has a cup of coffee or two and listens to other DAVs and their problems, it just might help him to realize he is not alone, it could be a first step toward him asking for help.
I have 'earmarked' this thread and will not be so lax in the future, just if its to give you some 'moral' support.
Lots of love and bunches of hugs,
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
Thank you so much, Laurie6781, for you suggestions and support!
My son actually spoke to me today....as he walked past me he said he was going to either bleach his hair white or dye it black.
He has been walking in and out of the house this afternoon...pacing. He glares at me as if I am an enemy. He looks at me with such anger that it gives me almost a feeling of fear.......
I don't know what is going on in that head of his, but it's not good....
There's something brewing that I don't understand, and honestly, today it kind of scares me.
My son actually spoke to me today....as he walked past me he said he was going to either bleach his hair white or dye it black.
He has been walking in and out of the house this afternoon...pacing. He glares at me as if I am an enemy. He looks at me with such anger that it gives me almost a feeling of fear.......
I don't know what is going on in that head of his, but it's not good....
There's something brewing that I don't understand, and honestly, today it kind of scares me.
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Join Date: Jan 2011
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Redbud,
I concur with other posters who are encouraging you to find an advocate and/or lawyer for your son. You can also petition the court for guardianship over your son, if you have a good doctor as your expert witness. As his guardian, you can have him involuntarily committed.
I know of a family going through a similar situation where their manic-depressive substance-abusing daughter attempted suicide by shooting herself in the head. She has permanent brain damage as a result. They can't even fathom the idea of putting their daughter out of their home, so they let her live there.
Your son, however, sounds like he could be dangerous and can't be maintained at home. Is there any way that you can condition his stay there on him getting a full psych evaluation done? That way, you have the beginning steps towards gathering documentation to support a petition for guardianship.
By the way, I am a lawyer, but not licensed in your state.
I concur with other posters who are encouraging you to find an advocate and/or lawyer for your son. You can also petition the court for guardianship over your son, if you have a good doctor as your expert witness. As his guardian, you can have him involuntarily committed.
I know of a family going through a similar situation where their manic-depressive substance-abusing daughter attempted suicide by shooting herself in the head. She has permanent brain damage as a result. They can't even fathom the idea of putting their daughter out of their home, so they let her live there.
Your son, however, sounds like he could be dangerous and can't be maintained at home. Is there any way that you can condition his stay there on him getting a full psych evaluation done? That way, you have the beginning steps towards gathering documentation to support a petition for guardianship.
By the way, I am a lawyer, but not licensed in your state.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
Anasarene,
Thank you for your suggestions.
The problem is, he doesn't have a doctor. Our family doctor saw him a few times when he was first home, but my son won't go back to him or to any doctor.
We are going to require for him to be in treatment for his addiction as well as psychiatric care if he wants to stay in our home. Today is not a good day to do this. Unfortunately, my husband is going out of town for four days for business, leaving tomorrow (he is nervous leaving us here, but can't get out of this trip). As soon as my husband gets back we will talk to him.
I have been calling numerous people, and the VA did call me back this afternoon. They told me I have to bring him to their ER for an evaluation, then they will assign him a psychiatrist. I can't see him agreeing to go.
How does one go about finding an advocate? We live in a small town, but I will seek out a lawyer out of town if I have to.
I do have an uneasy feeling today that something bad is going on in his mind. His dispair has suddenly turned into anger, and his eyes look different (dark and cold), which frightens me. He has no tattoos or piercings, so for him to bleach or dye his hair (as he mentioned today)is out of character. I think he is experiencing psychosis of some sort. He is definitely detached from everyone. (And his pacing unnerves me, as his gait is different...like he's strutting...not at all like his normal gait.)
I don't want to over-react, but.....
I think tomorrow I will go around to all of the gun shops and pawn shops in town and give them his name with instructions to call me if he tries to buy a gun!
It's really bad timing for my husbands trip.
I will tell myself:
"Don't create a crisis.....don't create a crisis......don't create a crisis"
Thank you for your suggestions.
The problem is, he doesn't have a doctor. Our family doctor saw him a few times when he was first home, but my son won't go back to him or to any doctor.
We are going to require for him to be in treatment for his addiction as well as psychiatric care if he wants to stay in our home. Today is not a good day to do this. Unfortunately, my husband is going out of town for four days for business, leaving tomorrow (he is nervous leaving us here, but can't get out of this trip). As soon as my husband gets back we will talk to him.
I have been calling numerous people, and the VA did call me back this afternoon. They told me I have to bring him to their ER for an evaluation, then they will assign him a psychiatrist. I can't see him agreeing to go.
How does one go about finding an advocate? We live in a small town, but I will seek out a lawyer out of town if I have to.
I do have an uneasy feeling today that something bad is going on in his mind. His dispair has suddenly turned into anger, and his eyes look different (dark and cold), which frightens me. He has no tattoos or piercings, so for him to bleach or dye his hair (as he mentioned today)is out of character. I think he is experiencing psychosis of some sort. He is definitely detached from everyone. (And his pacing unnerves me, as his gait is different...like he's strutting...not at all like his normal gait.)
I don't want to over-react, but.....
I think tomorrow I will go around to all of the gun shops and pawn shops in town and give them his name with instructions to call me if he tries to buy a gun!
It's really bad timing for my husbands trip.
I will tell myself:
"Don't create a crisis.....don't create a crisis......don't create a crisis"
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
I would call the VA and ask them how they would advise you're getting him there, if he is unwilling.
The tone of your latest post scares me.
I remember when our son was home he could be so violent (drugs) that we put a bolt lock on our bedroom door. Even today, he can still scare me. How awful is that.
Please stay safe, keep the phone near you.
Prayers for your family, and your son.........
The tone of your latest post scares me.
I remember when our son was home he could be so violent (drugs) that we put a bolt lock on our bedroom door. Even today, he can still scare me. How awful is that.
Please stay safe, keep the phone near you.
Prayers for your family, and your son.........
Jujubee Queen
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Port Charlotte, Florida
Posts: 3,582
One more note...
Your husband going out of town for 4 days, I sure would get on the phone, and see if you can get him into the V.A. a.s.ap.
Here is another suggestion, call Amvets, they helped my husband with his disability, maybe your representative can advise you.
Here is the number of the Amvets North Carolina: 1-336-731-4359
Your husband going out of town for 4 days, I sure would get on the phone, and see if you can get him into the V.A. a.s.ap.
Here is another suggestion, call Amvets, they helped my husband with his disability, maybe your representative can advise you.
Here is the number of the Amvets North Carolina: 1-336-731-4359
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
Mooselips....
Thanks for the number! I will definitely call. I don't think he will agree to go to the VA, and if not, I can try to find out how to force him. But, I think the laws protect his right to choose if he wants to go, which he doesn't.
I've never been scared of him before...he is not a violent person...never has even been in a fight. Looking into his eyes tonight was like looking at a stranger. I think he is experiencing psychosis of some type.
I don't think he's using drugs as he has no money, and when he "uses" he becomes mellow and silly.
I am hoping tomorrow will be better. But, have a feeling it will get worse before it gets better....especially considering he is not on any medication. However, while I will not make him leave while he is crying in dispair, I have no problem making him leave if he is scaring me or the family. And, I will call the law (as they say in the south!) if I have to.
Thanks for the number! I will definitely call. I don't think he will agree to go to the VA, and if not, I can try to find out how to force him. But, I think the laws protect his right to choose if he wants to go, which he doesn't.
I've never been scared of him before...he is not a violent person...never has even been in a fight. Looking into his eyes tonight was like looking at a stranger. I think he is experiencing psychosis of some type.
I don't think he's using drugs as he has no money, and when he "uses" he becomes mellow and silly.
I am hoping tomorrow will be better. But, have a feeling it will get worse before it gets better....especially considering he is not on any medication. However, while I will not make him leave while he is crying in dispair, I have no problem making him leave if he is scaring me or the family. And, I will call the law (as they say in the south!) if I have to.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 76
Hi Redbud,
Because I haven't been a member for at least 7 days, I can't post URLs yet.
But go to findlaw and get into North Carolina section
Select your region, then scroll down to Browse All Legal Issues and under "Estate Planning" you will see "guardianship"
Good luck!!
Because I haven't been a member for at least 7 days, I can't post URLs yet.
But go to findlaw and get into North Carolina section
Select your region, then scroll down to Browse All Legal Issues and under "Estate Planning" you will see "guardianship"
Good luck!!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
redbud..just had finished reading your post yesterday, got in my car, and heard an ad on the radio for vets returning home with all sorts of problems..it was called woundedwarriors.org or something really close..they talked about psych problems and advocacy..worth a google.
i hope you are safe..your post worries me because your gut is telling you to be fearful..and i've learned to trust my gut..please do be careful..
i hope you are safe..your post worries me because your gut is telling you to be fearful..and i've learned to trust my gut..please do be careful..
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: foothills of north carolina
Posts: 76
I finally got to speak to a real person at the VA!
It turns out my son already had two appts. scheduled for Monday at the VA, from when we had him committed. The VA left automated reminders on our machine. When I told my son, he said he was not going to the appts.
After countless calls to the VA and msgs. left on answering machines, I called and a real person answered the phone! I asked to speak to a social worker and was transfered to the social worker I spoke with the day my son was released from the psych ward....he has met my son. I informed him of all that was going on, and got the usual response of "you cannot force someone to get help". So I asked if that means we have to wait 10 or 20 years, or until someone dies or goes to jail or does something crazy? I explained that my son had graduated top of his class from Presidio, top of his class at cryptology school, top of his class in everything in the AF. I explained about the blow to his head and lost medical records, and that he did not do drugs before. I said his judgment is impaired and he is not thinking right.....
well, about an hour later someone from the VA called and asked to speak to my son. I heard him tell them that he was not going to go to the appts.. Then, an hour after that someone again called from the VA, and I heard him again say that he was not going to the appts.. My son appeared worried.
I don't know if he will go, or if it will help at all if he does go. But, my gut tells me to do all we can. His life was changed by things that happened to him in the military. Our lives were changed as well.
Oh, I also went to the pawn shops and the closest gun shop (as my son has no car at this time). The gun shop said their records of sales were confidential. I left his name and showed them a picture and asked them to call me if he came in there. It took some convincing, but I think they will.
My son had been up for two solid nights, but I think he slept last night....at least he was quiet in his room. His strange behavior continues and he will not look at me or speak to me. I don't know what is going on in his head.
Last night my girls were both gone to friends' houses, and I was uncomfortable being here alone with my son.
Maybe all I am doing is against the alanon principles, but there is alot more going on besides the addiction. And, in thinking of the serenity prayer (which I do frequently) I think it does apply.
Am working on a letter to send to congressmen and John McCain and various people. Whatever happens, in the end I will know I did all I could do.
It turns out my son already had two appts. scheduled for Monday at the VA, from when we had him committed. The VA left automated reminders on our machine. When I told my son, he said he was not going to the appts.
After countless calls to the VA and msgs. left on answering machines, I called and a real person answered the phone! I asked to speak to a social worker and was transfered to the social worker I spoke with the day my son was released from the psych ward....he has met my son. I informed him of all that was going on, and got the usual response of "you cannot force someone to get help". So I asked if that means we have to wait 10 or 20 years, or until someone dies or goes to jail or does something crazy? I explained that my son had graduated top of his class from Presidio, top of his class at cryptology school, top of his class in everything in the AF. I explained about the blow to his head and lost medical records, and that he did not do drugs before. I said his judgment is impaired and he is not thinking right.....
well, about an hour later someone from the VA called and asked to speak to my son. I heard him tell them that he was not going to go to the appts.. Then, an hour after that someone again called from the VA, and I heard him again say that he was not going to the appts.. My son appeared worried.
I don't know if he will go, or if it will help at all if he does go. But, my gut tells me to do all we can. His life was changed by things that happened to him in the military. Our lives were changed as well.
Oh, I also went to the pawn shops and the closest gun shop (as my son has no car at this time). The gun shop said their records of sales were confidential. I left his name and showed them a picture and asked them to call me if he came in there. It took some convincing, but I think they will.
My son had been up for two solid nights, but I think he slept last night....at least he was quiet in his room. His strange behavior continues and he will not look at me or speak to me. I don't know what is going on in his head.
Last night my girls were both gone to friends' houses, and I was uncomfortable being here alone with my son.
Maybe all I am doing is against the alanon principles, but there is alot more going on besides the addiction. And, in thinking of the serenity prayer (which I do frequently) I think it does apply.
Am working on a letter to send to congressmen and John McCain and various people. Whatever happens, in the end I will know I did all I could do.
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