Want to hear about a big fall??
Senior Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
Want to hear about a big fall??
Well, can you believe this? After this many years I still did the humpty, dumpty thing!
I am so angry with myself, but understand that if our addicts can fall, so can we co-dependants!
So here is where I'm at now!
As you may or may not know the story, my son went to jail for possession of syringe, needles and what he said was an "empty" baggie. OK, he was facing 8 years, but because he had been asking for a rehab prior to getting caught, and because he did his "con" thing and wrote judge, DA, parole officer, he got lucky and got 90 days in jail, and 90 days in a rehab.
While he was in jail, he, of course, got cleaned up and looked wonderful! He also found God again, and sounded like he had finally seen the light. His letters were inspiring and I was once again filled with hope that this time would be it!
I allowed him to come into our home after the 90 days because he was going into the rehab within a couple of days. Well, as things would have it, the funding wasn't there and he didn't go in for 3 weeks!
I explained our boundaries to him prior to his coming here. He was great for all of 5 days. Going to meetings, doing all the right things, hanging with a guy he was in prison with 3 years ago, who is now on the right path. He quit smoking as I didn't want him going in and out of the house because this becomes annoying. We live a quiet life with the baby, his grandchild, and go to bed early.
OK, after 5 days he started with the attitude! On the computer constantly, doing the farmville thing, the meetings dwindled. Part of the reason was no money for gas. We gave him 20 here 20 there, etc. Soon I found myself sneaking him another 30 for gas, just so he could get to meetings. We live far away from where he goes for meetings, so it seemed logical to me.
DUMB! I began to get suspicous when he did the in and out thing again. Found out he was using MJ. He said it was ok, he wasn't ever going to do Meth again! I said not in our home! He continued to do it anyway! Mr. Dev does not recognize the smell, and I didn't tell him just to keep the peace!
Long story short. I found a check out of sequence, found he forged a check for 60.00. When I approached him his reply was "yeah, that was stupid!" Not I'm sorry! Not that that would work anyway. I didn't tell Mr. Dev again since he was leaving in a couple of days.
Finally he goes in. He asks us to drive him because he can't have his car. I couldn't get him to give me a time morning or afternoon. He said probably morning. We kept baby out of school so we could drive him there. That morning I said are you ready? He said "NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE RUSHED!"
I said, fine drive yourself. Few minutes later he said, "ARE YOU READY?" I ignored what he had said to me before 'cause I wanted him out without any further confrontations!
He runs into a guy there that he knows. He asks, "do they search you?" I said, why? He turned to me and said "SHUTUP!" WOW! NICE HUH? Mr. Dev wasn't there so didn't hear that.
Mr. Dev has since discovered that he cut our hose and he siffened gas from mr. Dev's truck! Left him without a drop of gas! Nice huh?
Anyway, I know he's going to ask me to pay for his phone next month. I also know that he will expect us to pick him up after a month for his "day" pass.
My answers are ready. To the cellphone request, I will tell him he already got that money when he forged a check. To picking him up and letting him come back here again the answer is no, not ever!
I cannot believe he not only "conned" me again, but his friend that really believed in him again.
Talk about RELAPSING, I DID BIG TIME! Oh well, moving forward, I hope I will be smarter in the future. I think I'm going to have to because Mr. Dev said 'NO MORE!"
Ok, just wanted to clear my conscience and let you all know that I have DUMB WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD!
Hugs, Devastated
I am so angry with myself, but understand that if our addicts can fall, so can we co-dependants!
So here is where I'm at now!
As you may or may not know the story, my son went to jail for possession of syringe, needles and what he said was an "empty" baggie. OK, he was facing 8 years, but because he had been asking for a rehab prior to getting caught, and because he did his "con" thing and wrote judge, DA, parole officer, he got lucky and got 90 days in jail, and 90 days in a rehab.
While he was in jail, he, of course, got cleaned up and looked wonderful! He also found God again, and sounded like he had finally seen the light. His letters were inspiring and I was once again filled with hope that this time would be it!
I allowed him to come into our home after the 90 days because he was going into the rehab within a couple of days. Well, as things would have it, the funding wasn't there and he didn't go in for 3 weeks!
I explained our boundaries to him prior to his coming here. He was great for all of 5 days. Going to meetings, doing all the right things, hanging with a guy he was in prison with 3 years ago, who is now on the right path. He quit smoking as I didn't want him going in and out of the house because this becomes annoying. We live a quiet life with the baby, his grandchild, and go to bed early.
OK, after 5 days he started with the attitude! On the computer constantly, doing the farmville thing, the meetings dwindled. Part of the reason was no money for gas. We gave him 20 here 20 there, etc. Soon I found myself sneaking him another 30 for gas, just so he could get to meetings. We live far away from where he goes for meetings, so it seemed logical to me.
DUMB! I began to get suspicous when he did the in and out thing again. Found out he was using MJ. He said it was ok, he wasn't ever going to do Meth again! I said not in our home! He continued to do it anyway! Mr. Dev does not recognize the smell, and I didn't tell him just to keep the peace!
Long story short. I found a check out of sequence, found he forged a check for 60.00. When I approached him his reply was "yeah, that was stupid!" Not I'm sorry! Not that that would work anyway. I didn't tell Mr. Dev again since he was leaving in a couple of days.
Finally he goes in. He asks us to drive him because he can't have his car. I couldn't get him to give me a time morning or afternoon. He said probably morning. We kept baby out of school so we could drive him there. That morning I said are you ready? He said "NO, I DON'T WANT TO BE RUSHED!"
I said, fine drive yourself. Few minutes later he said, "ARE YOU READY?" I ignored what he had said to me before 'cause I wanted him out without any further confrontations!
He runs into a guy there that he knows. He asks, "do they search you?" I said, why? He turned to me and said "SHUTUP!" WOW! NICE HUH? Mr. Dev wasn't there so didn't hear that.
Mr. Dev has since discovered that he cut our hose and he siffened gas from mr. Dev's truck! Left him without a drop of gas! Nice huh?
Anyway, I know he's going to ask me to pay for his phone next month. I also know that he will expect us to pick him up after a month for his "day" pass.
My answers are ready. To the cellphone request, I will tell him he already got that money when he forged a check. To picking him up and letting him come back here again the answer is no, not ever!
I cannot believe he not only "conned" me again, but his friend that really believed in him again.
Talk about RELAPSING, I DID BIG TIME! Oh well, moving forward, I hope I will be smarter in the future. I think I'm going to have to because Mr. Dev said 'NO MORE!"
Ok, just wanted to clear my conscience and let you all know that I have DUMB WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD!
Hugs, Devastated
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Not dumb, Dev, just codependent...like all of us here.
Remember this...maybe write it in marker on your arm or some place you will see it...or paint it on the wall by your phone...have a skywriting place fly over once a day or whatever it takes to remember (a tattoo wouldn't be out of the question)...
"NO!" is a complete sentence. Can I? Can you? Wouldya, Couldya? Just this once?....NO! Nyet! Not likely Pal!
Practice, sweetie. It gets easier as you go.
Love you lots. Do what I tell you
Hugs
Remember this...maybe write it in marker on your arm or some place you will see it...or paint it on the wall by your phone...have a skywriting place fly over once a day or whatever it takes to remember (a tattoo wouldn't be out of the question)...
"NO!" is a complete sentence. Can I? Can you? Wouldya, Couldya? Just this once?....NO! Nyet! Not likely Pal!
Practice, sweetie. It gets easier as you go.
Love you lots. Do what I tell you
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 105
How much can a mom take. I think our addicts are so good at conning us that we just can't see the writting on the wall. At this point I don't even want to see myson unless he is in a 5-8 month rehab...attending some tuff-tuff therapy sessions. I've had enough. I'm way too stressed this time. My anger has taken over and thats probably not a good thing. I'm so sorry you have had this heartache to deal with lately..but hope that little girl can put a smile on your face daily. She is one lucky lady to have you and Mr. Dev.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Some days I feel like codependency is a big anchor I'm dragging through life. Other times, I feel lighter knowing that when I get tripped up by its clunky, chunky existence, I get back up that much quicker and keep on truckin'. Other folks might not be so nimble under such conditions.
You say you did the humpty dumpty thing, Dev? Any chance you and the Wee grandbaby play with Weebles? They were my fav as a kid. They're shaped like eggs, too. I was always in love with the idea that Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. I like to think that helped nurture my inner resilience. I may wobble, but I don't fall down!
And before you ask, I actually am shaped like an egg...with legs. LOL!
Hugs,
Alice
You say you did the humpty dumpty thing, Dev? Any chance you and the Wee grandbaby play with Weebles? They were my fav as a kid. They're shaped like eggs, too. I was always in love with the idea that Weebles wobble but they don't fall down. I like to think that helped nurture my inner resilience. I may wobble, but I don't fall down!
And before you ask, I actually am shaped like an egg...with legs. LOL!
Hugs,
Alice
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 697
Devastated, I'm so sorry. Whatever you need in terms of support is here.
His anger and frustration sound very much in line with meth relapse. Everything becomes a "huge deal," it seems.
(helps you back to your feet and brushes you off a bit)
Sorry, mama.
His anger and frustration sound very much in line with meth relapse. Everything becomes a "huge deal," it seems.
(helps you back to your feet and brushes you off a bit)
Sorry, mama.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
(((Dev))) - I'm sorry for what he did, but I have to admit, I'm glad I'm not the ONLY recovering codie that sometimes falls for the BS.
You kept it short, and he's out of the house...this is a good thing. Too bad they can't make ring tones for house phones that say "NO!!!!" instead of ringing, just in case we need a reminder
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
You kept it short, and he's out of the house...this is a good thing. Too bad they can't make ring tones for house phones that say "NO!!!!" instead of ringing, just in case we need a reminder
Love, hugs, and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: limbo
Posts: 2,849
Dev
thank you for sharing with us here on SR.......we are all human and regardless of the lows our loved ones reach, no matter how many times we say to ourselves Never again----we still have that hope and sometimes we slip too
Its rough expecially when is your child........you saw signs and efforts towards recovery so you gave him another chance he didnt make it.....this time but he can and may in the future
be easy on yourself
thank you for sharing with us here on SR.......we are all human and regardless of the lows our loved ones reach, no matter how many times we say to ourselves Never again----we still have that hope and sometimes we slip too
Its rough expecially when is your child........you saw signs and efforts towards recovery so you gave him another chance he didnt make it.....this time but he can and may in the future
be easy on yourself
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lancaster, PA
Posts: 852
Dev,
You are allowed.... and it just sucks for you, (I know).
Take a moment to give yourself a big hug, and allow yourself to hurt. Then kick that dirt off your shoulder, and keep-on with your happy life.
I'm sorry addiction is yet again stepping into your life., ((hugs)).
Cess
You are allowed.... and it just sucks for you, (I know).
Take a moment to give yourself a big hug, and allow yourself to hurt. Then kick that dirt off your shoulder, and keep-on with your happy life.
I'm sorry addiction is yet again stepping into your life., ((hugs)).
Cess
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
Devastated
I understand. Don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on that recovery horse.
I would bet that most of us have fallen for "it" a time or two.....or three.....or four.....
gentle hugs from another Mom
I understand. Don't beat yourself up. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back on that recovery horse.
I would bet that most of us have fallen for "it" a time or two.....or three.....or four.....
gentle hugs from another Mom
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
