keepinon

So lately I have been feeling not "in the flow" or real in touch with my spirituality..a little restless...but will I meditate..hell no..I'll read about it..can't bring myself to get back into the habit.
I feel like I've been recovering from a horrible disease (i have..codependency)but now I am ready to really reclaim my own life.
Trouble is... not real sure of where I need to go..what I need to do.I've been in a real holding pattern with work/volunteering because I had hip surgery in Sept. and am having shoulder surgery nxt week..after that I can kind of move on..it has been good for me to just accept where I'm at because normally I'm obsessive about planning the future and I haven't been able to go there..
But now I feel I'm on the precipice and not sure where to look for inspiration, signs,etc.Just feeling a little lost and floaty now that things have settled down and I've detached alot from my kids..have energy that needs to go somewhere productive...insight from the wise ones here on SR much appreciated!

Chino

I'd hold off until after surgery before looking into anything. It might be a very welcome distraction

Impurrfect

(((Keep))) - I agree with (((Chino))), though hate you have to go through surgery

I've been at that place when I feel like I should be DOING something, like I'm just stuck. Most of the time, if I just keep doing what I normally do, I get past it, and often realize I've learned something in the meantime...for me, it's being patient. I'm not, but I'm having to learn that sometimes I need to just sit still and be.

I've had chaos and drama for most of my life, and when things would go well, I'd find a way to stir up MORE stuff. These days, I don't do that (okay, not as often), but I still have a hard time if I don't have work, projects, school, or something to distract me.

I think it's just a part of our recovery growth, and you're doing just fine.

Love, hugs, and prayers,

Amy

keepinon

I have kind of told myself this whole past year..wait till after this upcoming surgery and then make some decisions, so maybe that is making me think about things. I haven't been able to look for new work or volunteer anywhere because I knew I'd have to ak for time off..
I keep doing the next indicated thing, but just feel like since I've stopped obsessing on my daughter that I need to start focusing on other things in my life, but don't know where to start.I am coming up on Step 8..that's a little anxiety producing for me, but I feel pretty ready.I work out, read spiritual books/literature, attend 2-3 alanon meetings a week, hang out with friends1-2 nights a week..so there's a good foundation, but I'm just not sure how to proceed.I need to get more hours/make more money when I am healed.We are in debt over the rehabs and I need to contribute more.
I think I need some quiet time for listening to my HP, but it's hard when i feel really restless to settle down..tend to fill up with distractions..

Impurrfect

(((Keep))) maybe HP is telling you to get yourself healthy and then figure the rest out. I have gone through the feeling of just being unsettled. I'm easily distracted, try this then that, then something else, and still feel the same way. I finally get to the point where I just say "okay, I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing, I don't like this feeling, but I'm giving it to you" then I try...really hard, to do just that.

It's not a miracle thing, no lightening bolts from the sky, but I usually find my way back to gratitude, or on SR giving/getting support, or sometimes I just spend hours playing solitaire until I get sleepy and start over the next day.

I know this isn't what you've asked for, but I don't really know how to answer it. I go through the same thing, then end up with so much on my plate, I'm begging to get back to that place, where I have nothing to do.

I think your anxious and that's just a bad feeling....money issues, feeling like you're not contributing, surgery coming up...that's a lot to deal with. Try giving yourself permission to believe that things are okay. Listen to music you like, read something that engrosses you. I honestly have no idea of how you can get to a better place, but I'm praying you do.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

litehorse

keep - i really can't add much to what impurrfect said - i understand the unsettled feeling and when you are a doer it is hard to just be still for a while - but i have found that being still brings a clarity of thought that is hard to attain while busy - take a breath and relax into this moment - i pray you will find peace and direction -
blessings
debra

Ann

It sounds to me like you are more "connected" than you think. Living in today and trusting the future to unfold as it may is a big step. Spirituality didn't come to me as a big flash of lightening, it came as small moments of peace, little thoughts of comfort and a lifting of my fear which was replaced with faith...the perfect antidote.

We each need to find our own "connection". For me, nature helps me find peace and stay connected each day. Just a walk in the quiet morning, or watching a sunset or stars at night, all help me connect, pray and meditate.

My prayers go out for you that your surgery goes smoothly and that you are able to find the peace and light you seek.

Hugs

Kindeyes

I agree with Ann. It sounds as though you may be more connected than you may think. But it doesn't feel the same as you use to feel.....and that different-ness may be causing discomfort until you get use to it and it becomes your normal.

By not worrying or projecting into the future, we are able to learn to stay in our "today". I sometimes get anxious and feel myself headed toward worrying about something in the future. I have to deliberately bring myself back into my "today".

It sounds like you are doing everything you need to do and you are doing it well. Music often helps me reconnect with my HP, my recovery, and brings me back into my today.

I hope your hip continues to heal and that your should surgery goes well. I'll keep you in my prayers.

gentle hugs

meditation

Keep I get in that state quite a bit. I think it's just for me that I'm supposed to "rest" and wait. I get to where I really am so restless it makes me feel like any serious focus is impossible. I too am waiting. I am waiting on a federal list to be updated and sort of fearful of the next step, not really feeling ready to tackle anything new. So maybe it's our higher power's way of just saying BE STILL , listen and wait..... these times call for patience and I don't have buckets of that but like most things I have no control or power to change it until the time is right. I hope your surgery goes well and you will be in my thoughts and prayers. Healing hugs sent to you for your upcoming surgery. Much love

keepinon

Thanks guys..probably just not used to that feeling of not having an immediate crisis too.Not that I want one!But I think maybe I'm a little antsy cuz things are pretty calm...will take things as they come and work a little harder on being ok with being quiet!

tam

thank you for the post and replies. sorry I dont know what to say or answer this as I feel the same way.
I hope your surgery goes well, thats the main thing you need to concentrate on..going through medical issues surely throws us off..so maybe after you recover things will fall into place..
hugs!