confused358

Hi everyone, I am new to this. My husband admitted to me that he is addicted to pain pills and has been for a year and a half. It started when he had a back injury but the doctor did not prescribe him anything but muscle relaxers. I have been suspicious of his behavior (mood swings, always gone, weird phone calls). I feel so stupid because it was so obvious yet I believed his lies. He tells me that he wants to quit and make our marriage work however he has not made any effort to get professional help. He supposedly has been off of them for a week now and has replaced pain killers with marijuana. He says it helps with the sickness and cravings. I am not happy about him smoking either. He still talks to people that he buys pills from when he knows that it upsets me. I want our marriage to work because I love him so much and we have two children together but his lies has hurt me so bad. Part of me wants to be a wife and help support him and part of me wants to leave before I lose my sanity. I am an emotional wreck myself and do not see how I can be of any help to him right now. He has took out personal loans that I was unaware of and we are in a massive amount of debt. How or will I be able to trust him again?

lc1972

Hi there so sorry you are going through this. I am having trouble trusting again with my RAH. I am currently seeing a counselor every week and make it to meetings when I can. I come on here a lot to read posts it makes me feel better and understand myself more. I can only suggest working on you first, he is the only one that can work on him.

There are people on here with more experience and knowledge than I have, but I will say I now realize it is going to be a long road not only for his recovery but for mine.

Sending out hugs and you will be in my thoughts and prayers.

cbeach

Hi.. I can TOTALLY relate. I have been dealing with the EXACT same thing for 12 years now. It is the hardest thing in the world to deal with. Every single thing you said is precisely what I am going through right now. I don't even know what sanity is anymore.

cbeach

I am so bitter about all of this I don't know how I will ever become "myself" again.

litehorse

confused - living in the chaos drug use creates will certainly lead to confusion - i hope you will come here to find wisdom, encouragement and strength to deal with the unfortunate situation in which you find yourself - please consider the kids - they do not need any confusion in their lives - your husband is going to do what the drugs (whichever ones he is using at the time) tell him to do - others will be along to share their experiences -

keepinon

What he is doing is not condusive to recovery...not seeking proffessinal help, associating with dealers,switching drugs for "self-medication.. .you know and see this..is a half hearted psuedo attempt at quitting enough for you?
Al or naranon is a good place to learn about addiction and enabling.

confused358

He made it easy on me last night. Every time my husband would come home from his drug dealer's house he would have this nasty smell like cigarettes and mildew. He worked out of town for three days and when he returned last night the smell returned. He couldn't even stay clean for over a week. I told him to leave and that our marriage is over. I need to take care of myself and my children. I am just scared about being on my own because I am a full time student and only have a part time job. I do not make enough money to support us on my own. I am also scared about the kids being alone with him.