splendra

Sister had her counselor call and ask us if we would fund her in a half way house. They said that she would have a 2 month wait for another in patient program.

This half way house charges $100 per week and they are supposed to get a job unless family can support them there. We cannot afford to support her. My sister keeps telling mom that a homeles shelter is her only other option. I think mom is close to caving in and letting her come back home.

I am asking my mom to let my sister's higher power work and not try to be the higher power in this.

splendra

My mom received a very ugly letter from my sister yesterday. My sister says her counselor told her mom is toxic to her recovery and she needs to stay away from her.

I told mom that if the counselor did say this that maybe he is trying to help my mom not have to deal with her.

Of course I am the bad guy of the letter and am swaying mom and her son against her.

I told mom that it is a real blesing that my sister wants to take charge of her life now so we need to stand back and let her do what she wants.

Mom cried for a while yesterday but I think she sees the truth.

My sister has been saying for years that she hates my my mom and wishes she was dead. I have been concerned about her attitude towards my mom for quite some time.


I jsut want to stay out of my sisters way and let the chips fall where they may.

Kindeyes

Splendra
I'm sure those words stung your mother to her very core.....and I'm so sorry that she is hurting. The truth of the matter is......the enabling codependent who is not in recovery is absolutely TOXIC to the addict in recovery. With the best of intentions and love in their heart, they will sabotage the addict's recovery.

I say this because I am my son's enabler/codependent. I know that without my own strong stance in my own recovery program, daily work, and my Naranon meetings, I would be his worst enemy in his recovery. I would love him........to death......literally.

You are your mother's beacon of light. These were such kind and loving words. She is so lucky to have you.

gentle hugs

splendra

Oh I well know that. I also know it is a very bitter pill for my mom to swallow.

She has lived with 3 active addicts for many years I am sure she has done many manipulative things to try and keep peace and to keep from being ripped off none of these manipulations did anything but, make things worse. If my 2 brothers were not clean and being supportive I am sure my mom would not have listened to me for one minute.

My sister knew that when my brothers started getting clean her days of using around my mom and her son were numbered.

I see things improving my nephew is much calmer and seems much happier. I know my sister using around him could not have been good at all.

We found so much parphenila in her room I am sure she was using in the house and this second hand smoke could well have affected both my mom and nephew.

splendra

Her son does not want to even talk to her it is really sad to me. My mom has always taken care of him. He really loves my mom and me. My mom needs care too she is not in good health. I have taken care of him too but my sister and I have been on the outs for a long time and I have distanced myself a lot but I always felt bad about not being able to see my nephew as much as I wanted to because of our disagreements. My sister was always trying to push me away too because her not wanting me to notice she was doing dope like that was possible to over look.

My mom was really scared of my sister and scared she would take the child away to a crack house if she did not allow my sister free range I am sure all my buds here know that it had to be prettyy nasty for my mom. I tried to intervien on my own several times with my brothers using too they had a pretty strong barrier. Since my brothers are both clean now it has been much more easy for me to communicate with my mom. Of course they when they were using wanted me away from mom too and were doing alot to keep mom from listening to me cause they were using mom up too.