squeaky69

Hello and thanks for reading. Why do I live for the five minutes of happiness and put up with the hours of lonelyness. I am a 41 year old male have a great business and fell in Love with an addict. She lies,steals,and does whatever to get her drugs. Xanax mostly my question is simple I have never done drugs so why can't I take everyone's advice and run for the HILLS ? I babysit more than be a partner when will I be strong enough to just let it go. Thanks for reading

greeteachday

Hi, I'm sorry for the reasons you had to reach out like this, but so glad you found the good folks here.

You ask why you put up with this... Well, I think it is just that you aren't ready yet...We all have to find our own way in our own time. You may hear people here and in real life say run for the hills (or tell you what you "should" do) because they would like for you not to have to go through the pain that they did before they found their own way out too. I don't think human nature is like that - I think we need to learn on our own and reach our own decisions, and that's not a bad thing, really.

Please consider doing something nice for yourself tonight and try not to beat yourself up. I'd suggest that you keep reading and posting and if you can, find some face to face Alanon or Naranon meetings as well. If you commit to working hard on this (work the recovery program for you that you wish your loved one would work herself) you will find that over time you have the strength to set boundaries and mean them and do whatever it is you need to do to get back to you. It takes time and real effort, but it's so worth it!

sofacat

Hey squeaky.

I was 42 when I finally separated from my A. I own a successful business, own my own home...and otherwise had everything together. It took me 10 years to finally detach from Mr. Sofas addiction, and him as well.

You will be ready when the fear of living with her addiction outweighs the fear of living without her and her addiction.

I know that was true for me.

I was in the middle of a full blown, honest to god nervous breakdown.
I had to sit on the floor in my kitchen, with my head in the refrigerator sobbing, trying to catch my breath with the cold air. It was the only way, at times I could breathe. I couldn't move from my bed, other than bathroom breaks, and the occasional fridge visits for air. I couldn't stop crying, and was literally throwing up air. There was nothing left inside me. I was spent...and I knew it.
I really knew it.

I couldn't really go to my friends with this issue anymore, because they had heard it all a million times over from me. But I needed help. I needed it in a bad way.

That was the 4th of July weekend in 2009. I will never forget it. That's when I found this site. And I found you all. Everything changed for me from that moment. I didn't have to try and do this on my own, and for once...I was ready to accept my own defeat, and reach out for help. Granted, it took me 2 months of reading here before I posted...but I was ready to follow directions...and listen for once. Try what everyone else keeps talking about, 'cause my way sure wasn't working...not for me anyway.

You'll know when you're ready to make the changes you need for yourself. And it will happen on your time frame...no one else's.
When you have reached your own bottom...you're gonna fight like hell to climb back up.

And we're gonna be right here helping you find your way.

Baby steps.

tam

squeky, I am 51 and my ah of 26 years left last december because I just couldnt take it anymore. like sofacat I too was out of control living with him.
he was a great guy and terrific husband until drugs entered our lives.
I had no clue how to handle it, I thought I could handle it. But it destroyed me physically and mentally. I wanted to end the marriage but didnt have the guts to do it, so instead I continued living with him and the madness. there
was no marriage left towards the end,but again I kept at it thinking it will change. Squeky, I will be honest and say I didnt even care if I lived or not thats how bad it was for me. I hated what he became but most importantly I hated myself.
I didnt seek support until after he left, like sofacat, I went on the computer to look for help for him and stumbled upon this site. At first I thought this isnt about me its about him why do I have to change I didnt do anything
wrong. we didnt do anything wrong, we just loved someone who became an addict and the disease affected us.
I wish I knew coping skills, boundaries etc well before he left, but thats okay
as I am doing my own recovery, its never to late for you to live. its not too late to find happiness in your life.
Keep reading and posting, make a plan,think things through you will know what to do once you concentrate on you.

splendra

((((((squeaky69))))))

steve1840

squeaky-
43 yr old male here without a successful business but attached to an addict. it's hard man. i've been caught in this loop for 6 months now and i waiver back and forth. i detach nad start to feel better but i get involved again. it is the most difficult thing in my life to love someone, but step away to let them live a destrustive dangerous life. the addict will continue until she wants to stop and we continue being on the roller coaster until we decide to stop. i have onlky been able to step off for short periods of time, but i ma gettign better at it. it may take you some time, but it is hard because you love her and dont want to lose her. i feel for you and wish you the best. hang around her, it helps. really, it helps!

steve1840

i meant to say hang around here

atalose

We all have to experience our own experiences in this life. We all have to walk our own path at the speed we are most comfortable with and we all let go of non-healthy relationships when we are ready.

I recently ended a 10 year relationship due to addiction and me having had enough. I’ve been on sr for a long time, mostly reading and educating myself about addiction and the common patterns most loved ones experience with the addict. I also attend al-anon once a week and although I’ve not really worked the steps the program has helped re-program my thinking.

Keep posting squeaky!!!

Time4Me1

Coming here is a step in the right direction. There is no way to tell how long you will walk in a certain direction, some times it takes years. As long as you put your foot on the path you will eventually get there!