Dealing with my husband's addiction.. I just need someone to listen
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
Dealing with my husband's addiction.. I just need someone to listen
Today I feel like I don't even know the man I'm married to. It hurts. All I want to do is cry. He told me about his addiction on the 29th, so I'm starting day three of being on the other end of addiction. There's so many thoughts that go through my head. I don't know how I can look him in the eye. He's one person here, but another person when he isn't home with his family - he is addicted to painkillers, he "finds stuff" for other people and other people find stuff for him - this is my husband? My husband searches for drugs while he's at work, or supposed to be at work. I feel stupid. I'm mad today and I'm hurt. My feelings change so much. Sometimes all I want to do is not feel. He keeps telling me that it's going to be okay, that he's going to quit and now that I know, he feels like he can quit. I don't know.. I just feel so helpless and hurt. I don't know what to do.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
this song seems to make me feel better... i love music, so it helps me... i have to share it:
Sometimes I feel so happy,
Sometimes I feel so sad.
Sometimes I feel so happy,
But mostly you just make me mad.
Baby, you just make me mad.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Thought of you as my mountain top,
Thought of you as my peak.
Thought of you as everything,
I've had but couldn't keep.
I've had but couldn't keep.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see,
I'd put you in the mirror,
I put in front of me.
I put in front of me.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Skip a life completely.
Stuff it in a cup.
She said, Money is like us in time,
It lies, but can't stand up.
Down for you is up."
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
It was good what we did yesterday.
And I'd do it once again.
The fact that you are married,
Only proves, you're my best friend.
But it's truly, truly a sin.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Sometimes I feel so happy,
Sometimes I feel so sad.
Sometimes I feel so happy,
But mostly you just make me mad.
Baby, you just make me mad.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Thought of you as my mountain top,
Thought of you as my peak.
Thought of you as everything,
I've had but couldn't keep.
I've had but couldn't keep.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
If I could make the world as pure and strange as what I see,
I'd put you in the mirror,
I put in front of me.
I put in front of me.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Skip a life completely.
Stuff it in a cup.
She said, Money is like us in time,
It lies, but can't stand up.
Down for you is up."
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
It was good what we did yesterday.
And I'd do it once again.
The fact that you are married,
Only proves, you're my best friend.
But it's truly, truly a sin.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Linger on, your pale blue eyes.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Posts: 175
Hi there,
I really love listening to music when I am in my roller coaster of emotions. Somehow the right song seems to come on everytime. Lately I am liking firecracker by Katy Perry it seems to be giving me motivation and strength. I really like the words to the song above who is it?
I remember the feeling when I found out my husband had relapsed. I had not been with him during his drug use I met him after. So I had no experience with boundaries and detaching. I found going to meetings helped me a lot, but it was mostly the talking after with the women and some men that had been through it. This site was a lifesaver for me also. Even when I did not want or feel like posting reading the other posts helped so much. I also go to a counselor every week and still need it even though my husband if on suboxone currently.
Sending out prayers and hugs for you
I really love listening to music when I am in my roller coaster of emotions. Somehow the right song seems to come on everytime. Lately I am liking firecracker by Katy Perry it seems to be giving me motivation and strength. I really like the words to the song above who is it?
I remember the feeling when I found out my husband had relapsed. I had not been with him during his drug use I met him after. So I had no experience with boundaries and detaching. I found going to meetings helped me a lot, but it was mostly the talking after with the women and some men that had been through it. This site was a lifesaver for me also. Even when I did not want or feel like posting reading the other posts helped so much. I also go to a counselor every week and still need it even though my husband if on suboxone currently.
Sending out prayers and hugs for you
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
It is called Pale Blue Eyes by The Velvet Underground... it's just a really smooth song, it seems to help soothe me when I start thinking too much. I also like Firework =)
I feel like posting all the time it seems. I just want to talk, and I feel like when I talk to my husband that I'm talking too much, even though I know I'm not & he says I'm not.. it's hard for me to find words when we talk to each other, so I end up writing it all down for him.
The stories I read from former addicts/current addicts here really helps me. It makes me feel like there's hope for my husband, because I feel so hopeless at times. Other times, I'm hopeful. I feel like I'm losing my mind, because my feelings just fluctuate so much to where I don't know what I'm feeling at times. Shock mostly. I'm really considering looking into finding a counselor for myself. I have two friends I met in college classes last year that are former addicts. They are fully recovered, talking to them has helped. It is so wild how people come into your life - everyone has a reason for being in our lives, I think, and I now know why these two people have been placed in mine. I feel it was to help me cope, as they definitely have... my husband has been buying suboxone off the street to try and quit. He said he's been trying to quit for a while now, and he wants to quit the suboxone he's been taking b/c he feels it's just making him addicted to something else.. I'm at a crossroads. I honestly don't want any of the people he's around right now around him. His friend (& co-worker) is apparently really bad into pills, a fact I never knew until he told me. I worry that if he gets clean, being around this person may lead him to relapse if he cannot fight the urge. He continues to tell me it isn't any other people, it is him... and if he can control himself, he won't do it anymore. I want to believe him, but I know he has to be stronger than his addiction in order to do that... and I'm just so worried.
Thank you for your reply.. it means a lot to me.. anyone who reads this, it just means a lot that someone has read it.
I feel like posting all the time it seems. I just want to talk, and I feel like when I talk to my husband that I'm talking too much, even though I know I'm not & he says I'm not.. it's hard for me to find words when we talk to each other, so I end up writing it all down for him.
The stories I read from former addicts/current addicts here really helps me. It makes me feel like there's hope for my husband, because I feel so hopeless at times. Other times, I'm hopeful. I feel like I'm losing my mind, because my feelings just fluctuate so much to where I don't know what I'm feeling at times. Shock mostly. I'm really considering looking into finding a counselor for myself. I have two friends I met in college classes last year that are former addicts. They are fully recovered, talking to them has helped. It is so wild how people come into your life - everyone has a reason for being in our lives, I think, and I now know why these two people have been placed in mine. I feel it was to help me cope, as they definitely have... my husband has been buying suboxone off the street to try and quit. He said he's been trying to quit for a while now, and he wants to quit the suboxone he's been taking b/c he feels it's just making him addicted to something else.. I'm at a crossroads. I honestly don't want any of the people he's around right now around him. His friend (& co-worker) is apparently really bad into pills, a fact I never knew until he told me. I worry that if he gets clean, being around this person may lead him to relapse if he cannot fight the urge. He continues to tell me it isn't any other people, it is him... and if he can control himself, he won't do it anymore. I want to believe him, but I know he has to be stronger than his addiction in order to do that... and I'm just so worried.
Thank you for your reply.. it means a lot to me.. anyone who reads this, it just means a lot that someone has read it.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: the sunshine state
Posts: 623
lonelydreamer,
I am truly sorry you find yourself in this situation.
My ex is also addicted to opiates.."painkillers". Has been for 11 years now.
When he was in rehab over a year ago...he confessed this to me:
Me: "Don't you think about what this does to me? How it affects me?"
Him: "I'm not thinking about you when I'm on pills. Truthfully, I'm not thinking about anything or anyone when I'm taking them. All I am thinking about is how many pills do I have left before I start withdrawals, and when am I going to get more pills. That's it! I don't care about anything else. I don't care about you, our house, our pets, my family...no one."
When he confessed that, my eyes grew wide. It was as honest as he would ever get with me about his addiction. For some reason, that was the thing he said to me that made me realize how truly dark and deep this addiction is.
"He keeps telling me that it's going to be okay, that he's going to quit and now that I know, he feels like he can quit."
I heard that too. Many times over. But the truth is, he has to bottom on his own. And there isn't anything you can do for him to make him quit.
He needs professional help, and needs a support system of his own to try to get sober...and that isn't going to come from you. Though you will make yourself crazy trying.
That's how we all ended up here.
What you can do is work on you. That is something you can control. And here at SR you find all the support you need for yourself to get through this.
Keep reading everything on here. Everything.
Make healing yourself your full time job, instead of trying to fix him.
He will do what he wants to do. But he will keep telling you otherwise.
Trust your gut. Keep reading and posting.
You are with friends who understand exactly what you are going through.
I am truly sorry you find yourself in this situation.
My ex is also addicted to opiates.."painkillers". Has been for 11 years now.
When he was in rehab over a year ago...he confessed this to me:
Me: "Don't you think about what this does to me? How it affects me?"
Him: "I'm not thinking about you when I'm on pills. Truthfully, I'm not thinking about anything or anyone when I'm taking them. All I am thinking about is how many pills do I have left before I start withdrawals, and when am I going to get more pills. That's it! I don't care about anything else. I don't care about you, our house, our pets, my family...no one."
When he confessed that, my eyes grew wide. It was as honest as he would ever get with me about his addiction. For some reason, that was the thing he said to me that made me realize how truly dark and deep this addiction is.
"He keeps telling me that it's going to be okay, that he's going to quit and now that I know, he feels like he can quit."
I heard that too. Many times over. But the truth is, he has to bottom on his own. And there isn't anything you can do for him to make him quit.
He needs professional help, and needs a support system of his own to try to get sober...and that isn't going to come from you. Though you will make yourself crazy trying.
That's how we all ended up here.
What you can do is work on you. That is something you can control. And here at SR you find all the support you need for yourself to get through this.
Keep reading everything on here. Everything.
Make healing yourself your full time job, instead of trying to fix him.
He will do what he wants to do. But he will keep telling you otherwise.
Trust your gut. Keep reading and posting.
You are with friends who understand exactly what you are going through.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
When sofacat said her ex told her:
"I'm not thinking about you when I'm on pills. Truthfully, I'm not thinking about anything or anyone when I'm taking them. All I am thinking about is how many pills do I have left before I start withdrawals, and when am I going to get more pills. That's it! I don't care about anything else. I don't care about you, our house, our pets, my family...no one."
My ex didn't have to say those words I was witnessing all of that with his actions. It is a deep dark addiction.
What I have learned is that: history doesn't repeat itself - people repeat history.
My ex did disclose to me that once he knew I knew that he was using again, he felt a sense of relief because he no longer really needed to hind it. O he'd get it under control for short periods of time even went on suboxone and was doing rather well. His moods became more stable, he started to feel good about himself, problem was he never had an end in mind, never had a plan to stop using the subs. Even with the expense of them, even with Dr's wanting to cut him down then off, he'd just find a new Dr.
I'm sure your world has been turned upside down, I'm sure you want a quick solution to resolve this issue so you can put it behind you, I know that is what I was looking for many years ago. Find support for yourself, post here find al-anon or nar-anon meetings, read as much as you can about opiate addiction, educate yourself with stone cold knowledge so that HIS words are not what you are holding onto.
Addiction is always saying you are sorry. Sorry's don't get them clean it just appeases those around them. In active addiction there are no real sorry's.
"I'm not thinking about you when I'm on pills. Truthfully, I'm not thinking about anything or anyone when I'm taking them. All I am thinking about is how many pills do I have left before I start withdrawals, and when am I going to get more pills. That's it! I don't care about anything else. I don't care about you, our house, our pets, my family...no one."
My ex didn't have to say those words I was witnessing all of that with his actions. It is a deep dark addiction.
What I have learned is that: history doesn't repeat itself - people repeat history.
My ex did disclose to me that once he knew I knew that he was using again, he felt a sense of relief because he no longer really needed to hind it. O he'd get it under control for short periods of time even went on suboxone and was doing rather well. His moods became more stable, he started to feel good about himself, problem was he never had an end in mind, never had a plan to stop using the subs. Even with the expense of them, even with Dr's wanting to cut him down then off, he'd just find a new Dr.
I'm sure your world has been turned upside down, I'm sure you want a quick solution to resolve this issue so you can put it behind you, I know that is what I was looking for many years ago. Find support for yourself, post here find al-anon or nar-anon meetings, read as much as you can about opiate addiction, educate yourself with stone cold knowledge so that HIS words are not what you are holding onto.
Addiction is always saying you are sorry. Sorry's don't get them clean it just appeases those around them. In active addiction there are no real sorry's.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
There is Naranon or Alanon for you. There is a book Codependent No More. I am also in Virginia. Unfortunately addiction is progressive. The addict has an allergy (sensitivity) to the substance. It is a "wanting more" to fill some big hurt or hole that they feel..There may also be a genetic component. Carl Jung told the founder of AA Bill Wilson that alcoholism was also a spiritual malady. Naranon or Alanon would really be a good thing for you to look into. They tell you the 3 C's.....you didn't cause it, you can't cure it , you can't change it. You can contribute to it. You can't really believe alot of what the addict is saying either. They are major manipulators. There is also the legal aspect. There is also the financial aspect. They require more to maintain their high so it will progress. I am glad you are here. There are alot of recovery songs/musicians.......Keith Urban, The Eagles, Steve Tyler....many.....the Eagles have a song One Day At A Time.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
I've just realized I posted twice in this forum. I'm sorry for that. I guess it's apparent how crazy I have gone.
"He will do what he wants to do. But he will keep telling you otherwise.
Trust your gut." <--That is exactly how I feel. He seems like he is truly sorry for what he has done, saying he did think of us, but I'm not an idiot. How can you think of your family when your snorting a pill up your nose or eating it? How can you be thinking of your family when you don't give a **** if you're caught with pills and could go to jail? How can you think of your family when you're spending a hundred dollars a week (maybe more) to function, then come home to us after being pilled up all day at work? There's a feeling inside that I cannot control... and what you said reminds me of it... to trust my guy, because my gut says that he will continue doing this, he will tell me otherwise, just as you said. I want so much to trust him, but I can't. I hate it.
"He will do what he wants to do. But he will keep telling you otherwise.
Trust your gut." <--That is exactly how I feel. He seems like he is truly sorry for what he has done, saying he did think of us, but I'm not an idiot. How can you think of your family when your snorting a pill up your nose or eating it? How can you be thinking of your family when you don't give a **** if you're caught with pills and could go to jail? How can you think of your family when you're spending a hundred dollars a week (maybe more) to function, then come home to us after being pilled up all day at work? There's a feeling inside that I cannot control... and what you said reminds me of it... to trust my guy, because my gut says that he will continue doing this, he will tell me otherwise, just as you said. I want so much to trust him, but I can't. I hate it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
I am so sorry you are having to face this issue in your life. It is difficult processing it all, but you are far ahead of many people (such as myself), as you have found this forum so early into this revelation! You have no idea what a difference that can make for you.
I was doing some "spring" cleaning this weekend and came across this post, which I had printed out months ago. I read it again, and wow, I found so much meat in it. I landed on #10 and my stomach knotted up. I am one of the unfortunate ones who "waited until the situation got really bad". I regret this so much.
There are things you can do for you right away that will strengthen you as time goes on. You must do everything you can for yourself to prepare for the future. What I mean is, get your hands on literature, go to counseling, attend meeting, anything and everything that will help you learn what you are dealing with and give you tools to manage your life. Unfortunately for me, I did some of these things early on...counseling and some meetings, but I just wasn't getting it. I was still in denial and fell deeper in to co-dependency. You have to be vigilant.
This all may sound a little corny to you right now, it is all so new. Just hang in there and keep putting one step in front of the other. ****{HUGS}}}
Oh, here is the link (not sure if I'm doing this right!):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...+Survival+tips
Take care.
I was doing some "spring" cleaning this weekend and came across this post, which I had printed out months ago. I read it again, and wow, I found so much meat in it. I landed on #10 and my stomach knotted up. I am one of the unfortunate ones who "waited until the situation got really bad". I regret this so much.
There are things you can do for you right away that will strengthen you as time goes on. You must do everything you can for yourself to prepare for the future. What I mean is, get your hands on literature, go to counseling, attend meeting, anything and everything that will help you learn what you are dealing with and give you tools to manage your life. Unfortunately for me, I did some of these things early on...counseling and some meetings, but I just wasn't getting it. I was still in denial and fell deeper in to co-dependency. You have to be vigilant.
This all may sound a little corny to you right now, it is all so new. Just hang in there and keep putting one step in front of the other. ****{HUGS}}}
Oh, here is the link (not sure if I'm doing this right!):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...+Survival+tips
Take care.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
I just wanted to post to let you all know what's happened in the days following my posts here.
My husband has been going to a clinic for help for the last six, almost seven, months. I thought when he told me he "even went for help," that he only went for a few days or something. He's been going for months and has been on suboxone for months now. He quit getting his RX filled at the end of November because they cost 9 dollars a strip. The doctor put him on 2 1/2 strips per day, and he said he couldn't do it anymore b/c he was just getting addicted to that.. so he's been tapering himself. He said he does fine with one strip and now wants to completely come off the suboxone. Someone he knows has the strips, and he's been buying them so he can take them once a day. He showed me all of the materials from the clinic.. they drug test him to make sure he is only on suboxone.. he has done all of this without my knowledge, and despite how angry I am, a bigger part of me is happy and proud of him for realizing he needs help on his own and finding that help and sticking with it. He hasn't taken any suboxone since the day he told me about all of this. His plan was to tell me AFTER he quit. In a sense, I admire him more for this, as if I had known while the addiction was going on - I probably wouldn't have been much help to him at all, really.
He believes strongly that he will never go back to his addiction... I want to believe him, but now I need to know how we find support for someone who's coming off suboxone? The doctor wants to keep him on this for at least six more months, but he wants to come off of it & fight the withdrawals .. he says he doesn't want to be addicted to anything period. Advice anyone?
My husband has been going to a clinic for help for the last six, almost seven, months. I thought when he told me he "even went for help," that he only went for a few days or something. He's been going for months and has been on suboxone for months now. He quit getting his RX filled at the end of November because they cost 9 dollars a strip. The doctor put him on 2 1/2 strips per day, and he said he couldn't do it anymore b/c he was just getting addicted to that.. so he's been tapering himself. He said he does fine with one strip and now wants to completely come off the suboxone. Someone he knows has the strips, and he's been buying them so he can take them once a day. He showed me all of the materials from the clinic.. they drug test him to make sure he is only on suboxone.. he has done all of this without my knowledge, and despite how angry I am, a bigger part of me is happy and proud of him for realizing he needs help on his own and finding that help and sticking with it. He hasn't taken any suboxone since the day he told me about all of this. His plan was to tell me AFTER he quit. In a sense, I admire him more for this, as if I had known while the addiction was going on - I probably wouldn't have been much help to him at all, really.
He believes strongly that he will never go back to his addiction... I want to believe him, but now I need to know how we find support for someone who's coming off suboxone? The doctor wants to keep him on this for at least six more months, but he wants to come off of it & fight the withdrawals .. he says he doesn't want to be addicted to anything period. Advice anyone?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Va
Posts: 17
they've gone from pills to strips.. the suboxone.. i know he is not lying, because it's all here in the papers he gave me.. they switched from a pill to a strip that goes under the tongue in october.
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