Barbiebg32

Why is it that I keep letting my self get sucked into my AH's lies. I said to my self that it's the holidays and I am going to just let things go for a week or two and just enjoy my time off with the family. No stressing, no fighting, nothing. And for the most part that's what I did and it was nice. Granted he was not allowed to my parents house and I went anyway with my girls. Because like I told him I refuse to reen the girls Christmas because he decided to be a drug addict this year or so. Well he was real nice and very understanding about it all. The only irritant was he did a lot of moping on the couch. He says he is depressed. But I'm not completly convinced that's copletly true. He swears he is off the drugs. But I just don't think so. Things have calmed down since I threatened to kick him out but after checking my bank account today I think he is just trying to hide it more. He stole 140 dollars out of my account. Now I can't pay rent. He must have taken the money when I'm sleeping because he stays up real late now. I always have my debit card on me other wise. This really makes me mad. He knew my next check was gonna be short because of being off 2 days for Christmas and then one day this week for New Years.(Im a temp so I don't get paid on the days we are off.) but yet none of that mattered to him apparently. I am so sick of this and so ready to just be done with it all. I'm tired of the mood swings and the lies ect....yall know the rutine. Also tired of watching him be a silent lump on the couch. I can't even get him to talk anymore. He just lays there zoned out. Just makes me want to scream.
thanks for letting me vent. By the way I absolutely love this site. All the support and wisdom has helped me so much. Thank you

MsPINKAcres

((Barbie))

I hate so much that you are living in a household where you have to worry about such distrust & disceit, but I am glad you have found SR for the support for you!

I too lived many years where I had to hide my money, checks, debit card, car keys, & cell phone to protect myself - it was a miserable way to live.

My exAH had didn't care about what other financial responsibilities we had - the disease of alcoholism/addiction didn't allow him to care - his next drink or drug of choice always took first choice.

I learned I could do nothing about his behaviors but I could learn to set boundaries for myself and have me & my home treated with dignity & self-respect - thru posting here, attending al-anon meetings, reading recovery literature & deepening my relationship with my HP.

I hope you will continue to post & seek help for YOU!!

PINK HUGS to you!!

Rita

Barbiebg32

He just told me he stole the money to buy some ones scripts from the store then sell them to double the money and return it to my account. I told him I'm not going to be married to a drug dealer and to start packing his bags. I'm done!!!!!
UGH I just want to scream so bad.

hello-kitty

Stay calm but if he doesn't leave peacefully and immediately, I'd certainly call the police on him. That can your ace in the hole when it comes to getting him out of your house.

Most certainly take time to notify your bank and change your account number. Otherwise there is no way to prevent him from doing it again.

Also, it's worth the cost of changing the locks. Otherwise, he can just come in and take anything he wants whenever he wants. Addicts have this sense of entitlement when it comes to other peoples stuff - especially if they are desperate to get high. Their behavior is not reasonable or logical. It just is.

MsPINKAcres

Oh Honey - please don't take this the wrong way - but I have heard that "story" a 1,000 times if I've heard it once!!

Somehow I never got the $$$$$$ tho??????

You are a grown woman who has the right to make whatever decision you want, just please remember this disease is a progressive one and unless the A thoroughly commits to a program of recovery, this disease and all the "isms" (stories, behaviors, theft, etc.) get worse. One day it's a little money out of the checking account, the next day you come home to half your stuff hocked at the local pawn shop.

Just my e, s, & h - (Experience of living with active addition, Strength of learning to take care of me, and the Hope of living a peaceful life)

PINK HUGS,
Rita

Barbiebg32

I don't take it wrong. You are right, I can guarantee I wasn't gonnaget the money back. Every thing he does he says he was doing it for us. To get caught up on bills. I never believe a word that comes out of his mouth. I was just hoping things had just calmed down enough to where I can wait till the end of our lease to separate. But I guess I was wrong. He asked for some time because he can't get a place in one day. I said I don't care and for him to pack his bags and go stay with family and if they won't let him in for him to go check in to rehab because he isn't staying with me. I am not going to have dealer living under my roof with my girls. Oh yea and he doesn't even think he needs rehab. But yet he is doing all this on top of drinking every night and taking any kind of medication to fall asleep at night because he can't get xanex. He went as far as to drink the kids night time cold meds. Yet he wonders why I'm mad. (thats right I'm suppose to be happy because he subposivly told the truth about what he is doing. And I'm suppose to be happy that he was manning up and getting us some money to pay bills.) being a dealer is no man. Not inmy book anyway. Trying real hard to calm down but having a very hard time doing it. Stewing in anger quietly because I'm at work. When is it my turn to be happy. Every man I fall in love with ends up doing me really wrong in some form or fashion. All boils down to lies.

sorry for the pitty party, just really upset.

Bellemari

I completely understand what you are going through, and I'm kind of going through the same thing right now. I'm having my own pity party and just moping around I'm so sad. I left my addict husband (for the 100000th time) on Sunday, but hoping it's for real this time. I just keep telling myself that it will get worse before it gets better.

I too, like Rita, hid all of my stuff (cash, credit cards, debit cards, car keys) all in my pocket while I slept. It's not a good feeling, but it felt much better than looking for money the next morning (money I knew he had taken). I couldn't wear regular pajamas and had to sleep with my jeans on. I don't think anyone deserves to live like that.

I don't have anything valuable to say except that you're not alone. I know it's not easy but try try try to calm down for your own sake. All of this anger and emotions can really cause you physical ailments. We're all here for you.

Barbiebg32

Thanks Bell, yea what is left ofour valuables that he hasn't pawned off is at my moms house. It really sucks the girls can't even play their WII unless they are at her house because we are afraid he will pawn it. He stole our computer to pawn and made it look like a break in. Oh and so much more including his wedding ring twice. That's gone for good now. All this stress is giving me more and more migranes. I just want to cry. Just one lie after another. One broken promice after another. It hurts.. .

Ann

Barbie, I swear we codies are the only people in the world who can sleep with our purses under the pillow.

My son is/was the addict in my life (he has been missing for over 6 years). But he stole and he told stories and he stole again over and over...because that's what active addicts do. It just got old after a while. One day (when no longer living at home) he stopped over to pick up a few of his things from the basement laundry...and walked out with a portable TV in his backpack....right past me and I didn't notice until I went downstairs later. He was never allowed in our home again.

My point is that this doesn't get better, it doesn't go away, it isn't different next time...not while they are active in their addiction. It does, however, escalate. I have heard of other parents coming home to an empty house....wiped clean by their addict child. It just happens.

Removing yourself (and your children) from this situation as quickly as possible is a healthy decision to make. If you wait for him to find a place you will probably wait forever. They never do. It's part of playing the guilt card, I think. But "we" are not their only option. They can go to a shelter or a detox while they wait for a rehab to have a spot. The Salvation Army Rehabs are free (and have good programs) so cost has nothing to do with it.

I'm sorry this is happening at a time of year that should be happy for you and your children. I hope next year brings you all happiness and peace once again.

Hugs

keepinon

He says he is off drugs but drinks every night,drinks cough syrup for a buzz, and from you steals multiple times...I realize you are sad now, but this could really be the 1st step in a much better life for you and your girls.

sofacat

Ann- "Barbie, I swear we codies are the only people in the world who can sleep with our purses under the pillow."


Ain't it the truth!

I'm a hairstylist, so Mr.Sofa was always dipping into my purse for my tips!
It was like his ATM!
I used to joke that it was "our" purse.
After awhile, I had to start leaving all my money at work. I also had to get new Debit cars WITHOUT PINS. I got so used to it, that I STILL don't have a PIN for my cards!

He also stole the money I was saving for a down payment on my house out of my account, and at one point...I found out he went into my salon and took money out of the register while we were closed.

Now that he's moved out, I am discovering more and more things that are missing.

It's amazing what we get used to living with. The first time we find them taking money from us, it's almost a shock! Can't believe that someone that close to us could do something like that. It almost doesn't seem real. And we are left to scramble and scrape to make up for the money that they took from us to finance their drug needs...so we can keep everything else "together".

If a total stranger had done any of those things, you bet we would call the police and have them arrested. But with us codies, when the A's in our lives do it, we just keep letting them. And we are left to fix it. And the "love" for them is replaced with resentment. Yet we still stay with them.

I think in a way, at the time....I was more afraid of living without him then losing my home. That is Codependency at it's finest for you...we are as addicted to them as they are their DOC.

If he kept needing me, he wouldn't ever leave me. Never occurred to me that it's possible to have someone in my life that just likes me, and wants to be with me without some sort of "thing" I need to help them with.

Now the fear of BEING with an addict had replaced the fear of not being with them.

Have you been exploring Codependency? Reading books? Internet?
The book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is an excellent one.

"All boils down to lies."

He is an addict.
This is what addicts do.

Barbiebg32

I have really got to get that book. Every one on here keeps recomending it. Where would I find it. Is it one I can just get from the book store? Or do I have to order it? You know I thought I heard them all until he told me this lie last night. He said due to upsetting me yesterday he said he never went through with the deal. So I asked him where my money was. He said he was upset so he threw it out the window on the highway.......... I was done talking then. Seriously that is the most rediculas lie I have heard in a long time.

outtolunch

OMG,Ann. I never thought of it this way, before. How the hell-o did we allow this to happen? Like an addict, we delude ourselves that it's not really so bad,eh.

outtolunch

Sounds like broken picker syndrom.

Consider picking up a copy of 10 Stupid Things Women do to Mess Up Their Lives by Laura Schlessenger. ( Don't care for the author's politics but this book is spot on.) You can find a copy for 1 cent + S&H at Amazon.

MsPINKAcres

AND that can be fixed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ask me - I have seen it in others & as far as I know today my life with Mr. Pink Acres is a healthy relationship.

I know that things can always change - I could wake up tomorrow to an entirely different world - which is why I'm always working on me & have my safety steps always in place.

BUT today I believe I have a loving, respectful, kind, considerate, WORKING, drug-free husband - for that I am grateful to the God of my understanding and my recovery program!!!!

It took lots & lots of work on me - but I was worth it & my friend so ARE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PINK HUGS!!
Rita

callie212

I'm so sorry. I've had this kind of crap happen to me countless times also. It's weird to see your story being told by someone else as its also theirs. Makes me see that I'm not the only one that this kind of crappy stuff happens to. My ex cashed his first paycheck after being back from disability and claimed to leave $500 on the dresser for me to put towards rent and said that someone walked in the house and stole it while he was sleeping. I actually believed him for a short time. Then I realized the truth and just let it go...even though I couldn't pay my bills. I don't think I have enough fingers to count how many times he has taken money from my bank accounts or used my credit cards.

He threw it out the window? What a story, maybe we are with the same man, lol. Or I should say I WAS with. I still feel weird saying ex.