thequest

Is a 'you need lots of money for this lifestyle' an addiction? Setting aside the drugs & alcohol is the constant urge to do things like go to restaurants, bars, sporting events, concerts etc an addiction. All on the verge of bankruptcy and owing family and creditors money. Is a 'jet setter' lifestyle an addiction? Even worse can the want to bes become addicted to it when they got a taste but pushed themselves into the 'life'.

The problem one not only still does his alcohol and misc partying/drugs he is still trying to participate in some very costly activities even a gainfully employed person would have trouble funding. Out of unemployment with irratic misc work he spends more time trying to not only to participate in these activities but he is still trying to hang with 'money' people or participate in some very costly activities. His spending has been curbed somewhat but he refuses to give up activities that would allow him to pay off debt to family and creditors.

He progessed very high in lower management circles in his last job giving him alot exposure to upper level executives with whom he seems to admire. But with no 4 year degree his "executive" career is done/stalled. He's turned down well paying "supervisor" jobs paying well over 50k$ per year. Has no problem talking to family like one of his ex employees though. Even want's family to do errands for him. He can't delegate his personal life that a very good paycheck helped do.

I guess it comes down to the just get A job argument and just stop spending money on expensive recreational activities. A note, this crowd is well on their way to age 50.

Irresponsibility, recklessness or an addiction?

suki44883

As an adult, so long as he isn't breaking any laws, he has the right to live his life in any way he chooses. If you find that his actions are intolerable, you can always choose not to associate with him. Again, as with addiction, we can only control ourselves.

thequest

I thank you for your thoughts suki44883

I think one of the reasons myself and other family members are banging heads off the wall is that it's very difficult to distinguish between the addiction, irresponsibility, reckless and/or selfish part. It's like where do we start to make some progress here.

suki44883

Some people are just irresponsible, reckless and/or selfish. It doesn't always have to do with any addictions. The important thing to remember is that you cannot change anyone. You can only control how you deal with them.

litehorse

a core principle of addiction is that whatever the object of the addiction is becomes more important than anything else - my philosophy is that we can be addicted to anything - even something healthy can become an addiction and therefore no longer be healthy - an example would be exercise - some addictions are directly deadly, as in chemical addictions; some addictions are deadly in association, as in gambling or other issues that would cause you to become involved with dangerous people; some addictions can create miserable and unhealthy situations, such as codependency, etc... if we are addicted to a positive and healthy outlook on life then that will become the most important thing to us and we will do what it takes to maintain that

Kindeyes

IMHO addiction usually has some kind of negative consequence. So if this person is living beyond their means, the consequence could be not having enough money to pay rent or mortgage, power gets turned off, etc. Unfortunately, if you are living with this person, you get to experience those negative consequences with them. Since you cannot control another person, you can only gain control over your exposure to those consequences by doing something to limit that exposure.

gentle hugs

goldengirl3

My ex had a certain lifestyle. We are both engineers and while not millionaires obviously, make a comfortable lifestyle. As the addiction progressed...obviously that costs more money leaving less money for your material things and fun and making the obsession to maintain the image and lifestyle an obsession while your using keeps increasing. I mean - just think what everyone around us would think if he had to give up the luxury car and the posh condo downtown and he was driving a more modest car and just having a regular house? And all of his drinker and user buddies worship him with all of his luxurious goodies...what will they think? It would show that he has a problem with drugs, alcohol, money, etc. It all depends on the person and the personality of course but the two can go hand in hand I think.

Then you have my half-brother who is also an addict. Supposedly he is on weed and oxy's. But he lives in a nasty unkempt trailor out in the hills with a much older woman who doesn't like she's washed her hair in a few years. But that works for him as long as he can stay toasted all day and she pays the bills. LOL. Depends on the person.

thequest

He's been one step ahead of disaster for years now. He has so many different bad habits at this point that you'd figure a bottom would've happend. A big fall is getting closer but he seems to weasal out of or avoid these negative consequences like an expert which seems to fuel his arrogance. Until he's bannished by the entire family we have to endure his presence.

outtolunch

Have you considered that how he chooses to live his life is none of your business?

Have you considered the possibility that the reason for all the head banging is that all are obsessed with controlling/changing him because you all seem to think you know what's best for him?

This family has enabled and obsessed about him for quite some time.
How's this been working for everyone? You know you can get off this Mr. Toad's Wild Ride anytime you want to do so.