In crisis
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Florida
Posts: 2
In crisis
Hi,
My son is 23 and addicted to oxy. He shoots up.
We've been trying to get him into treatment but on Monday he left home at 10 p.m. and we haven't seen him since. I don't know how to handle this. He was walking. His car is here, his phone is here and I don't understand how he could do something like this. This is all new to us. We thought he was clean.
Please help me understand how to handle this. Nothing like this has ever happened. He's been a great son. He's missing work, probation, etc...
Somebody please help.
My son is 23 and addicted to oxy. He shoots up.
We've been trying to get him into treatment but on Monday he left home at 10 p.m. and we haven't seen him since. I don't know how to handle this. He was walking. His car is here, his phone is here and I don't understand how he could do something like this. This is all new to us. We thought he was clean.
Please help me understand how to handle this. Nothing like this has ever happened. He's been a great son. He's missing work, probation, etc...
Somebody please help.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Welcome to SR!
I'd suggest you repost this in Friends and Families of Addicts forum. YOu'll get a lot of support from people in the same situation as you.
Here's the link to that forum.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
I'd suggest you repost this in Friends and Families of Addicts forum. YOu'll get a lot of support from people in the same situation as you.Here's the link to that forum.
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: central coast, ca
Posts: 1,652
The addiction told him to run so he did.When using they don't make sense.It sounds like he has been in a program before and is on probation.Have you called his probation officer..they might be able to find him.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Unrealpain))) - I was your son, once. I disapeared for a few years, smoked crack 24/7, did the streetwalking thing to get money. It took me going to jail, a few times, and for once, I was put in long enough to realize how much I'd screwed up my life.
Understanding what he's doing is futile. Only an addict can understand what we do, and why we do it.
I strongly suggest going to al-anon or nar-anon meetings, as they are for people that have loved ones who are using/drinking. I had to face some harsh consequences, and got to the point where I was just miserable, so I just quit. I didn't not "get recovery" and was soon dabbling, here and there, until I went into a relapse that caused me a lot of pain.
My family told me "we love you, but will not help you while you're using". Since I got into recovery, they have been very supportive. I feel bad about the pain I caused them, but I've more than made it up, and I'm a much better person. One thing about it, I was not allowed to be at home if I was using.
I also had an XABF (actually had 3) and I had to cut him loose, too. I did write letters to him, when he was in jail, offering support. I found out, a year ago, that he had died from his years of drug abuse. Though very sad, I knew that there was nothing I could have done to change it.
When I relapsed and my dad threatened to call my probation officer, that hit hard, and I was at the point I was miserable, even using. I hated myself. I was back with my XABF (for about a week), told him "I love you, but I can't do this any more" and came back home. I'm still trying to get my life back on track, nearly 4 years later, but I am grateful that I got to the point where enough was enough.
Another thing....my uncle was a heroin addict for something like 40 years. He's clean, now, and a true blessing in my life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Understanding what he's doing is futile. Only an addict can understand what we do, and why we do it.
I strongly suggest going to al-anon or nar-anon meetings, as they are for people that have loved ones who are using/drinking. I had to face some harsh consequences, and got to the point where I was just miserable, so I just quit. I didn't not "get recovery" and was soon dabbling, here and there, until I went into a relapse that caused me a lot of pain.
My family told me "we love you, but will not help you while you're using". Since I got into recovery, they have been very supportive. I feel bad about the pain I caused them, but I've more than made it up, and I'm a much better person. One thing about it, I was not allowed to be at home if I was using.
I also had an XABF (actually had 3) and I had to cut him loose, too. I did write letters to him, when he was in jail, offering support. I found out, a year ago, that he had died from his years of drug abuse. Though very sad, I knew that there was nothing I could have done to change it.
When I relapsed and my dad threatened to call my probation officer, that hit hard, and I was at the point I was miserable, even using. I hated myself. I was back with my XABF (for about a week), told him "I love you, but I can't do this any more" and came back home. I'm still trying to get my life back on track, nearly 4 years later, but I am grateful that I got to the point where enough was enough.
Another thing....my uncle was a heroin addict for something like 40 years. He's clean, now, and a true blessing in my life.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Eastern Time Zone
Posts: 1,011
To paraphrase what someone posted a while back, addicts have lots of Firsts. First time using, First time escalating to something else, First time stealing, First time snorting, First time shooting, First run-in with the law, and included in that is First time leaving home for a long period of time (presumably to get high and stay high).
Hope that helps. Many of us here have freaked out at some particular First when, in reality, there have been many Firsts when we stop and think about it.
Keep coming back! It is time for you to also do a First - embrace recovery through a great site like this and also Alanon and Naranon 12-step groups. There is a lot of help and healing here for you which, in turn, helps you to be an influence for your dear son and your other family members to eventually, hopefully, embrace recovery themselves.
Hope that helps. Many of us here have freaked out at some particular First when, in reality, there have been many Firsts when we stop and think about it.
Keep coming back! It is time for you to also do a First - embrace recovery through a great site like this and also Alanon and Naranon 12-step groups. There is a lot of help and healing here for you which, in turn, helps you to be an influence for your dear son and your other family members to eventually, hopefully, embrace recovery themselves.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: The Jungle
Posts: 5,435
I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this...particularly at this time of year. It's really hard.
Please post again to let us know how you are doing. It helps to talk to others who have lived or are living through the same thing you are. I am concerned about you.
gentle hugs
Please post again to let us know how you are doing. It helps to talk to others who have lived or are living through the same thing you are. I am concerned about you.
gentle hugs
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Calif
Posts: 1,007
I am so sorry about your son walking away. I am so sorry that you are suffering not knowing what he is doing or where he is. THis is such a hopeless, scary feeling I know, I've been there too!
That said, just remember there is nothing you can do to change any of his actions. Remember while you are worrying you are not praying, and when you're praying, you're not worrying. You have to put this in your HP's hands because only He can help your son.
Practice saying "whatever is going to happen will happen, no matter how much I fret, cry, scream, worry!" This is out of my control.
I've worried for years, and believe me all it does is give you wrinkles!
Your HP has a plan. Trust in His plan.
Hugs, Devastated
That said, just remember there is nothing you can do to change any of his actions. Remember while you are worrying you are not praying, and when you're praying, you're not worrying. You have to put this in your HP's hands because only He can help your son.
Practice saying "whatever is going to happen will happen, no matter how much I fret, cry, scream, worry!" This is out of my control.
I've worried for years, and believe me all it does is give you wrinkles!
Your HP has a plan. Trust in His plan.
Hugs, Devastated
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