Happy Holidays and an update from me.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Happy Holidays and an update from me.
Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone. I thought I would provide you an update since I’m still around, but rarely feel the need to start a thread. My recovery is firmly in place, although once in a while I get really P.O.ed about my ex. Then I realize that I made the choices that got me in this situation and I have the power to manage it as well.
I have been completely no contact with my ex since about April or May. Once I changed my phone number he ceased trying to stay in contact with his son. Although this is really a huge relief to me, it is horribly disappointing to my little boy who often draws pictures of him and his daddy playing together. He also reminiscences a lot about his father and the things they used to do together. Which really wasn’t much considering his dad was in and out of his life so much at the beginning. It was enough though, for him to leave an everlasting imprint in his brain. An giant imprint of a heroic man who can do no wrong. I tell my son his dad is sick and that’s why he left us. But my son argues with me and says his dad lives in Montana and will be coming back soon. Other times, my son makes comments like daddy doesn’t love me. It’s very hard for him. Special person’s day is coming up at school and I asked Andrew who he was going to take, and he answered, “Mom there’s no one else around besides you.” That was pretty sad.
I have next to no contact with my ex’s family. I hadn’t heard from them since July. But my ex’s brother in law called me the other morning to wish my son and I a Merry Christmas and to let us know that my son’s grandma just had surgery and is in the hospital. Some times it is difficult for me not to let out a big “who cares” what have you guys ever done for me but cause chaos in my life, but I didn’t. I simple wished her a speedy recover and told them we would be thinking of all of them over the holidays.
Apparently the latest news is that my ex is using Meth and still living with his psychotic girlfriend less than 5 miles from my house. The less things change, the more they stay the same I guess. I told my brother in law to keep me posted if he dies or anything so that I could let my son know. But that’s all I had to say. I am disgusted that he has not attempted contact with his son, even though I know it is a blessing. What a disgusting SOB.
Anyway, I hope you all are able to enjoy your holidays. Try not to focus on the addicts in your life. They are already focused enough on themselves. Do something nice for you and the clean and sober people in your lives. Remember there are people in the world who are in far worse situations than we are, and really could use our prayers. And they would appreciate them too.
I have been completely no contact with my ex since about April or May. Once I changed my phone number he ceased trying to stay in contact with his son. Although this is really a huge relief to me, it is horribly disappointing to my little boy who often draws pictures of him and his daddy playing together. He also reminiscences a lot about his father and the things they used to do together. Which really wasn’t much considering his dad was in and out of his life so much at the beginning. It was enough though, for him to leave an everlasting imprint in his brain. An giant imprint of a heroic man who can do no wrong. I tell my son his dad is sick and that’s why he left us. But my son argues with me and says his dad lives in Montana and will be coming back soon. Other times, my son makes comments like daddy doesn’t love me. It’s very hard for him. Special person’s day is coming up at school and I asked Andrew who he was going to take, and he answered, “Mom there’s no one else around besides you.” That was pretty sad.
I have next to no contact with my ex’s family. I hadn’t heard from them since July. But my ex’s brother in law called me the other morning to wish my son and I a Merry Christmas and to let us know that my son’s grandma just had surgery and is in the hospital. Some times it is difficult for me not to let out a big “who cares” what have you guys ever done for me but cause chaos in my life, but I didn’t. I simple wished her a speedy recover and told them we would be thinking of all of them over the holidays.
Apparently the latest news is that my ex is using Meth and still living with his psychotic girlfriend less than 5 miles from my house. The less things change, the more they stay the same I guess. I told my brother in law to keep me posted if he dies or anything so that I could let my son know. But that’s all I had to say. I am disgusted that he has not attempted contact with his son, even though I know it is a blessing. What a disgusting SOB.
Anyway, I hope you all are able to enjoy your holidays. Try not to focus on the addicts in your life. They are already focused enough on themselves. Do something nice for you and the clean and sober people in your lives. Remember there are people in the world who are in far worse situations than we are, and really could use our prayers. And they would appreciate them too.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 390
wow 
so sad for your little guy. That is good that he draws picture, that is his way of dealing with thing. Bless his sweet little heart.
Hang in there HK...you are doing tremendous and you are such a help here to us who are still working on getting away. Your post is a reminder that it doesn't always go the way we had hoped, but we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember the blessings we do have.
Take care and Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and your little guy!
so sad for your little guy. That is good that he draws picture, that is his way of dealing with thing. Bless his sweet little heart.Hang in there HK...you are doing tremendous and you are such a help here to us who are still working on getting away. Your post is a reminder that it doesn't always go the way we had hoped, but we have to keep putting one foot in front of the other and remember the blessings we do have.
Take care and Merry Christmas and happy holidays to you and your little guy!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Big hugs, hello-kitty, and Merry Christmas.
I am sorry your son is affected by all this, sadly kids are the innocent victims. But he has a good mom to guide him and help him heal.
Stay in tough, we miss you around here.
Hugs
I am sorry your son is affected by all this, sadly kids are the innocent victims. But he has a good mom to guide him and help him heal.
Stay in tough, we miss you around here.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: the moon, milky way
Posts: 1,250
So sorry your son has to be in this situation with his father. And that you have to help him through your pain and his.
I'm having issues with my son's dad (and he is not an addict) so it brings up all my lost dreams that I had for us. It opens some wounds for me that I really would rather not deal with this time of year but as moms, these things will come up from time to time.
Just know that you are doing the very best you can.
I like what you said about things could be much worse. This is true. My best friend lost her little girl this year and I try to remember that as imperfect as life is, and as hard as it gets, I can still hug my son and hear him laugh. Focus on the blessings you have, and I'm sure there are many!
Happy Holidays to you too Kitty!
I'm having issues with my son's dad (and he is not an addict) so it brings up all my lost dreams that I had for us. It opens some wounds for me that I really would rather not deal with this time of year but as moms, these things will come up from time to time.
Just know that you are doing the very best you can.
I like what you said about things could be much worse. This is true. My best friend lost her little girl this year and I try to remember that as imperfect as life is, and as hard as it gets, I can still hug my son and hear him laugh. Focus on the blessings you have, and I'm sure there are many!
Happy Holidays to you too Kitty!
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Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,906
HK - How old is your DS again? I'm thinking 6?? When I first told the kids of xh, his drug problems and that we were getting divorced (they would have been 8ish @ the time). I spoke with my cousin's wife who is a social worker and deals with troubled kids. I didn't know how much or what all to tell them. She of course said the age appropriate truth. She also sent me some workbooks. My kids LOVED them. I had to slow them down. Here's a link on Amazon. They're by Marge Heegard Amazon.com: marge heegard: Books
Once they filled them out, it really opened MY eyes to just how much they know. You really are doing the best that you can given the situation. Does he have many male role models/mentors around? I know with my ds especially, I try to make sure he spends time with my dad, uncle, bil, grandpa etc. I sometimes worry about making him a mamma's boy and try to balance that male influence in his life as best I can.
I'd highly recommend the workbooks. They mainly do drawings, draw faces as to how they feel etc. Not a whole lot of writing.
Here is another one that the kids got and really helped them. It's a workbook with the same premise, dealing with addiction.
http://www.amazon.com/Dad-Loves-Has-...69984&sr=1-2#_
Hang in there. I'm glad you're NC. If POS is living 5 miles from you and still doesn't bother, pi$$ on him. You're better off anyway.
Once they filled them out, it really opened MY eyes to just how much they know. You really are doing the best that you can given the situation. Does he have many male role models/mentors around? I know with my ds especially, I try to make sure he spends time with my dad, uncle, bil, grandpa etc. I sometimes worry about making him a mamma's boy and try to balance that male influence in his life as best I can.
I'd highly recommend the workbooks. They mainly do drawings, draw faces as to how they feel etc. Not a whole lot of writing.
Here is another one that the kids got and really helped them. It's a workbook with the same premise, dealing with addiction.
http://www.amazon.com/Dad-Loves-Has-...69984&sr=1-2#_
Hang in there. I'm glad you're NC. If POS is living 5 miles from you and still doesn't bother, pi$$ on him. You're better off anyway.
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Wishin' I was on the Beach!
Posts: 1,415
Merry Christmas Kitty!
Its so good to hear an update from you!
I'm still praying for Mr. Right.. so far the good Lord hasn't sent him my way. Guess he's either still working on him or me... so I'm waiting patiently. Your Mr. Right will come one day too! It's been two years since the exAH left. He passes by our house to get to the drug dealers but never tries to see the kids. Such a shame a parent can just "forget" about their kids. But, you're right its a blessing in disguise, because we know they're still messed up, and it wouldn't be good for the kids anyway. It is what it is.
So glad you are doing well!
Its so good to hear an update from you!
I'm still praying for Mr. Right.. so far the good Lord hasn't sent him my way. Guess he's either still working on him or me... so I'm waiting patiently. Your Mr. Right will come one day too! It's been two years since the exAH left. He passes by our house to get to the drug dealers but never tries to see the kids. Such a shame a parent can just "forget" about their kids. But, you're right its a blessing in disguise, because we know they're still messed up, and it wouldn't be good for the kids anyway. It is what it is.
So glad you are doing well!
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