Barbiebg32

Just a small update from Tuesday. I have really been doing a lot of reading on here and doing a tun of serious thinking about my life with my AH. First I want to thank yall for all your advice. It has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I also love all the encouragement on here. From the little time I have been on here I have learned a lot. I have also made a few decisions this week. First off I plan to join an alanon group after the new year. From what everyone has said about it I really think it will help. Second I have decided not to cave in to him every time he comes begging for money or what ever. I have a family to support and I can't do that while giving him money all the time. Third I have realized that yall are right all this emotional exaustion is really getting to me. I thought I was so exausted due to raising kids, working full time, going to school part time and involvement in church activities. But I have realized how much the emotional roller coster is really taking a toll on me, along with all the stress of living the life of a addicts wife. So finally I have been looking for a cheeper rent house for me and the girls to move in to at the end of our lease in April. I just really hope that I have the stregnth and courage to go through with it when the time comes.

This last week he has done nothing but suck up to me because he knows he is close to losing me. Quite frankly it's really annoying because I am at the point where I don't even want to be around him right now. He is doing this and I can't even appreciate it because he has lied to me and hurt me so much that I honestly don't think it is fully from his heart. I feel it's more of him trying to keep his life line. I do love him very much I just don't like the person he has become. I don't love the fakeness about him, the lies, the betraile all for what??? His next fix. He has my mind so mixed up right now it's unreal. I don't know wether to think up or down, left or right. But the one thing I do know is I am so so tired of all the turmoil this has caused me and my girls. We diserve better. I am ready to get "ME" back. So come April I plan to get a place for me and the girls. We need to heal and sort things out. And while we are gone if he decides to man up and truly get the help that he needs and become the man we diserve then maybe we will talk. But until then I am done with it all.

Please send a little prayer for me that I keep the strength and courage to go through all I have planned. I pray that I keep my eyes open and don't let them get fogged over with his sweet talk and begging. Thank you all very much.

Impurrfect

(((Barbie))) - I will most definitely keep you and your girls in my prayers.

I'm both an RA and a recovering codie. I know that, though I truly loved the last XABF (yeah, had 3 - slow learner), when I was sick and tired, I was done. We didn't have kids, but I saw what his addiction did to his oldest son (he got into the selling of dope) and I saw what addiction did to ME and to us.

I don't know if money is an issue, but would be setting some aside that he can't get hold of. Start looking now. Yes, your lease isn't up until April, but you may want to leave sooner, and that's okay. Whatever is best for you and your girls.

I'm glad you found SR. I've met so many wonderful, insightful, and supportive people here. It just feels good to know we're not alone.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kindeyes

Hey Barbie
You have my prayers.
gentle hugs

beautifulgirl

Hi Barbie, I totally understand what you are going through. I am so sorry. It is a shame that this can happen to people. I pray for you and all who have been affected by someone who is an addict.