parentneedshelp

well i finally accept the call from my AD who got arrested monday morning. i figured she has had enough days to start to have a clear mind. so here is my question.. this is the first time she has ever really spent time in jail. the first time she got arrested she was only in the inprocessing at the jail and never even made it to a cell.. she knows that the judge revoked her first bond and there is nothing i can do to get her out until her court date on jan 3rd. she is stating that she wants to go to an in treatment program and has already signed up at the jail for drug counceling on her own... so what are the chances that this is her rock bottom and really wants to get help. i read how everyone says their kids say this or that when they are locked up so i am not sure what to believe and what not to believe. she did confess that the guy she was with was beating her daily and had her convinced that he was the only person who cared and loved her and everyone else had given up on her she said she can't believe she belived it but now that her head is clear she knows better.. so am i just getting my hopes up. i think she knows i cant get her out so what good would it do to tell me what i want to hear but then i read post and i know that they will say and do anything... what is the percentage of people wanting to go to rehab the first time and make it??? my brain has been so scattered since monday that i just dont know which way is up most of the time and today i feel a little hope.... i just dont want to set myself up for failure..... any responses are welcomed and appricated...

laurie6781

Nothing to believe at this point. Watch her actions after her 'hearing' on Jan 3rd.

You can love her from afar, reassure her you love her, but just sit back and watch the ACTIONS.

Addicts can and do say what they think the person they are speaking with wants to hear, and yes they do it in early recovery in rehab also.

Sending good thoughts and prayers that she has reached her bottom.

Love and hugs,

litehorse

i've started this three times - my AS is in jail now awaiting transfer to a state facility - i wish there was some way to say for sure how things will go - one person will wake up one day and say "i'm done", another will respond to intervention, another will spend the night in jail and say "never again", another finally changes after actually doing hard time, and yet another despite every hardship caused by their lifestyle choice never changes - the one sure thing about this process is that the one and only time that things change will be when the person who is addicted makes the choice and sticks to it - if we could make those choices for them there would be no need for this forum (wow, what a beautiful thought!) i understand how tormented you feel right now - my prayers are with you and i hope you find peace through surrender -

outtolunch

I am inferring that both of you expect you to do something to get her out on Jan 3. Be mindful that you are not her only option.

Relapse after an initial stint in rehab is highly likely and probably not too different than lighting up again after a quit smoking thing or regaining the weight lost on a diet.

Rehab does not cure addiction /alcoholism. At best it can teach a highly receptive and motivated person some of the tools of recovery and does so in an enviornmnt isolated from the stress of the real world.

The motivation for change has to come from within the person. There is nothing you can do to prevent or cause your daughter to relapse. Consider making this your mama mantra. It will come in handy, going forward.

In the meantime, it's almost Christmas and you have given her the best present, your unconditional love and care for her child.

keepinon

Not sure I have anything to add to the other great responses...if it really is recovery she wants..she will go for it.It will be the most important thing for her.Let's hope the sober time, away from her abuser gives her the incentive to find recovery.
Whether or not she does, working on your recovery is key to your happiness.Alanon really helped me.

Impurrfect

I agree with the posts above. Is it "jail talk" - who knows. Rehab is just a start in recovery - they give you the tools to use, but it's up to the person as to whether they will use them.

I will pray that this IS her bottom and she embraces recovery with all her heart. In th meantime, I think you are doing great.

You won't know how she does until you see her actions, but I truly hope she does embrace recovery.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Kindeyes

I think we have all asked ourselves "is this the thing that will get them sober". For our own peace of mind we want statistics. But unfortunately, there's no way of knowing. We can only take it one day at a time. I try to hang on to hope and let go of expectations. This helps me place the responsibility for recovery where it belongs....on the addict.

I have to believe that this is a gift for both you and your daughter from your HP. Now only time will tell whether your daughter will open the gift and embrace it. Or store it in her closet.

gentle hugs

NoelleR

Most others here have stated what's good about rehabs; they isolate folks in a safe and secure, healthy, recovery environment, and give the person the tools for when they leave the rehab for the 'real world.'

From what you've said about your AD, and from what I'm hearing (of course I could be mishearing......LOLOL), it doesn't sound like your AD really wants...: to go into recovery so much as she seems to want to get out of jail.....

.....but then, what the %$&%^$%## do I know............


(o:
NoelleR

parentneedshelp

I know deep down it is One day at a time.... actions do speak louder than words this I know. She is being evaluated today or tomorrow from a rehab center she has indicated that she would like to go to an in patient 12 -18 month center. she is saying she knows it is going to be very hard but she does not want to go back to the life she was living. I do know that the person i have been talking to the past couple days sounds more like my daughter than i have heard in a long time but yet again i do not want to be blinded by that. I keep telling myself one day at a time. boy i never understood that saying until now... Thank you all for your words i love this site it has given me so much and i am just thankful that i found all of you all.. Please have a wonderful Christmas and Happy New Year.. (i know i will post again before then but just to be safe. )

keepinon

It is definately easier said than done the whole one day at a time thing! Glad to hear you are sounding more grounded. The woman who runs our local drug and alcohol center told me that jail is a great time to act on those inclinations for sobriety..that she is considering such a long term program is a good sign in my book. How nice for you that you get to talk to your "real"daughter right now.I know exactly what you mean.