When babies are involved
 

So as an update to my situation, everything came out into the open once the baby was born. I am now on speaking terms with my sister and my mother. It seems that throughout the pregnancy she has been off of cocaine (and was proven to be so through lab tests). So maybe this baby is a blessing in disguise. He was born last week and is healthy. Now the problem is custody.

My sister wanted to originally give it up for adoption since she is currently unable to care for a baby (no job). The father and his family agreed to adoption if it was a girl. Since it's a boy they want to keep it and refused to sign the adoption papers. The father of the baby has been physically abusive in the past, however my sister always put up with it. He is currently awaiting a court date next month for a DUI charge and possession charge. Sister says he thinks he will get off due to a good lawyer. My sister also stated that the adoption people were reluctant to work with both of them because of his history (and I don't really know what that means).

Basically, now we are just scared for the baby's safety and future. He was placed under temporary custody of the father's parents since my parents did not want to take the baby to our house because they did not want the father coming in and causing violent situations or arguments resulting in legal problems with them. My sister did not have anywhere else to go so that's how it was decided. DCFS is now investigating. My mom is torn up because she doesn't think she will see the baby again. She even made a point to have the baby baptized in the hospital and had the priest pray for a safe journey wherever life takes him.

Right now I am trying to help my sister get it together with a job and she is looking for pro bono legal representation. She says a social worker put her in touch with a possible foster home she could stay in if she does get custody.

Couple of questions for anyone with experience

1)What do you think the chances are that they would place the baby in full custody with the father's parents? The baby daddy lives with them and has continued his drug habits in their home. Plus, he is awaiting trial for DUI and possession. Only bad thing is my sister has no job right now.

2) If my parents were to take the baby in, is there a way to prevent the father from coming over? Like only have the baby meet with him under supervision in a neutral location? Because my parents are afraid of possible physical violence or that he will blame them if something goes wrong with the baby and my parents will have to go to court.

Any other advice would be great. It breaks my heart that I can't take my sister and the baby in. I just don't think it would be fair for my husband to be in that kind of living situation as we have a very cramped apartment and he and my sister aren't close. It's just so hard to watch her struggle to even find a place to live let alone a job and a baby.

I am glad that you now know what was going on. I thought it quite bizarre to hide a pregnancy and birth!

The father does not have the right to come to your parents' at this point. He shows up, they tell him to leave,...if he doesn't, simply call the police and have him removed.

He would have to go to court to establish any rights to the child since they are not married.

CFS will try to reunify baby with natural mom unless she is proven to be unfit. They do not take kids away if a mother doesn't have a job. If that were true, half the kids in the country would be gone. Most likely they will arrange a temporary custody situation until mom gets situated. Although people claim they will 'fight for custody', to do so is costly, most likely Mom will regain custody but they will enroll her in parenting classes/programs for addiction etc. Maybe even withhold full custody until she completes programs.

Parents/mom can get a restraining order so that father cannot come to the home. CFS much prefers newborns to be with their moms as long as they are able to care for them. Also, you should be able to ask all these questions to the worker or CFS. Or call you local legal aid for family law info.

I think the whole adoption if it's a girl thing would be a strike against them as well as the drug charges..however I do know of plenty of families where the kids are with their drug addicted parents by court order. If your parents are concerned, they should contact a lawyer...